Saturday, May 24, 2008

And Then I Bought A Five Gallon Drum of Purell

Pin It Earlier this week, I helped to chaperone a preschool field trip to the Las Vegas "Zoo."

Guys? I'm using the word zoo, very, very, very loosely, here. It has animals, but it is not affiliated with the city, and not accredited, and it is also just – NOT RIGHT.

I would describe the condition of the place, but when I googled “Las Vegas Zoo -SAD” it zipped me right over to a very funny post on this blog, which describes it perfectly:
Two words come to mind when trying to describe the Las Vegas Zoo

1. Ghetto
2. Sad (so very, very sad.)

Yeah. What she said.

What I'm really concerned about though, is the little sanitation issue they seem to be having. If bird flu ever gets off the ground, this is where it will start, because the place is COVERED with pigeon poop.

Now I’m not a germophobe. If my kid drops a piece of his sandwich on the ground, I’ll sometimes pick it up, blow it off and hand it back to him. Good for the immune system and all that.

But when we walked toward the entrance and I saw hundreds of pigeons milling about, I started to get a bit nervous. We paid our admission and once we were inside the gates, I could see that 90% of the structures were made entirely out of pigeon crap.

I was a bit disconcerted.

“Oh look,” I cried, “There’s poo EVERYWHERE.” I laughed nervously, aware that my voice was just a little too loud. I looked at one of the other moms. “Look! Poo! All this poo! It’s on everything! Oh. Wow!”

I spent the next hour trying to make sure that my children didn’t touch anything and obsessive compulsively wiping Abby and Carter's hands off. "Did you get poo on yourself?" "How about now?" "How about now?"

At one point in time the pre-school teacher tried to get the kids to sit at one of the picnic tables to have a snack and I loudly objected.

“But look! There’s poo on it.”

“They can just not touch the top of the table,” she said calmly.

I laughed loudly. “Ha ha ha ha. Um.”

“They’ll be fine.”

I laughed again. “Ha ha ha ha. It’s on the benches." I pointed at one of the kids. "Look – he’s sitting on poo! That’s – that’s – really bothering me a lot.”

After snacktime, we walked around the zoo, all three acres of it, checking out the lion, the alligator, and the chimpanzee (who delighted my children my picking his nose and eating his boogers – they GOT that, it was their kind of comedy).

Did I mention that there was a lot of poo? Everywhere?

So basically? I do not think we will be coming back.

Here are some other fun comments about the zoo, also brought to you courtesy of Mr. Google:

  • This is by far the worst "zoo" I've ever been to. I have no idea why they have so many chickens running around, except maybe to eat all the mice I saw.
  • This zoo is a city haven...for the pigeons.
  • This zoo is a real DUMP, and the folks that run it are to blame along with the city of Las Vegas. The poor, poor animals. May God forgive you all for this sick place!!!!
  • I strongly suggest just not going.

Yeah, me too, buddy. ME TOO.

And now I must be going. So little time, so many things to bleach.


  1. Anonymous3:01 AM

    Oh how horrible! I feel like I need a scrub just thinking about it! LOL!


  2. Anonymous5:21 AM

    Even really good zoos make me sad. Animals in jail. A very nice jail, perhaps, but still jail.

  3. Well I know where I'm heading on my next Vegas trip! This is truly blogworthy stuff. And thanks for the Purell tip.

  4. So, why aren't you laughing and dancing? That other blogger is.

    Call PETA. They'll fix 'em.

  5. Good Heck, you had to PAY?

  6. Anonymous8:21 AM

    Sue, I was trying to eat a banana while reading this post, but I kept having to laugh, and I nearly spewed banana chunks all over my screen.

  7. Oh My Heck!@
    I think I'd be a little worried about sending my kids to a preschool where the teacher thinks it's ok to sit in poo.
    Just helping you out, 'cause I know you're not paranoid enough.

  8. Thanks for the warning. The next time we're in Las Vegas, we won't go there.
    I wonder if the nose picking monkey felt that was the only safe thing to eat in there.

  9. Oh man! I don't even like Hogle Zoo, I'm afraid I would literally die if I went to that Las Vegas one! I'm with justrandy--what's up with the preschool teacher encouraging the poo-sitting?

  10. This is what they said about it on thei website:

    Our natural living campus is a wonderful educational facility where students of any age actively participate in an exciting learning experience about the environment. Our primary focus is to assist in educating students about rare and endangered species of plants and animals, and providing information about the importance of habitat protection. We hope this experience will help students develop a deeper understanding and appreciation for the uniqueness and beauty of the world around them.

    Nowhere do they mention pigeon poop. You should clue them in on it.

  11. Anonymous11:59 AM

    Structures made entirely of pigeon crap. I can't breathe, I'm laughing so hard.

  12. Anonymous12:06 PM

    I have never been to Las Vegas, but if I ever find myself there, you can rest assured that I will never set foot in the zoo. See how helpful you are?

  13. Anonymous12:57 PM

    I'm surprised the school would send kids to such a hell-hole. It's not like they can have a picnic anywhere; yuck!

    I have always been very aware of how lucky we are here in Wisconsin; yes, we pay a LOT of taxes, but I see the payoff every day in our wonderful parks, zoos, and state parks.

  14. Did you know it feels really funny to laugh and wince at the same time? It totally does.


  15. Thanks for linking me!

    SO SORRY you had to experience the arm pit of Las Vegas!

    Did you have to throw away your shoes? ;)

  16. Anonymous5:59 PM

    That is disgusting. It has never been a good zoo, but it sounds like it has really deteriorated. Someone should call animal control or something. PETA?

  17. That is just awfull. I mean whose idea was that for a field trip? Isn't there a zoo police or sanitation department or something. Cruelty to animals and all that stuff? I would have freaked too. I am also not a freak about germs. But you have to draw the line somewhere.

  18. OK, so we don't have alot of great field trip options in Vegas. Let's face it, our strip clubs are way nicer than our zoos.

    Just for the record, she is an amazing Pre-school teacher! Four of my five kids have had her, and all she cares about are those kids! My daughter went on that field trip.

  19. Kirsten, I agree, she IS a great teacher. And for the record, after she saw the poop benches, she had them stand up to eat their snack. I hope my post didn't make her sound like she didn't care about the kids. That isn't the case.

    I've taken my kids to that zoo before (four years ago) and it wasn't as bad last time. It's like they've been invaded with pigeons.

  20. Anonymous9:09 PM

    I can totally hear you nervous laughing in my head, ha ha ha. Oh my gosh I went to that zoo two weeks ago. It was DISGUSTING. They've really let it go downhill. I remember when it used to be a kind of cute place to take your kids. I can't believe Vegas doesn't have a real zoo. I love the google comments, HA!

  21. Everything in Vegas has gone downhill since that dang tiger attacked Roy.

  22. I was at that zoo about five years ago. It's worse??

    I read you frequently now and just wanted to tell you I think your honesty and transparency is fantabulous. I think blogging like you do saves lives. Really. (Or at the very least, relationships.)

  23. LOL!!! Oh, man, Sue...that was HILARIOUS! You were in rare form, woman. Good stuff.

    And just so you know...all the rest of the pigeons in the State of Nevada are in Laughlin. We went there once for cheap hotels and cheap food...and saw pigeons and poo everywhere. There were even warning signs posted near the riverfront casinos, talking about how dangerous their droppings were. Blech.

  24. hahaha! That's you moved to Vegas??? For some reason I thought you were moving to Texas...but that is besides the point...I am talking to you like we are best friends I know...but I couldn't help commenting and saying that you probably drove right through St. George not knowing that one of your biggest BLOG STALKING fans lived here!

    Your post was again funny, yet I threw up a little in my mouth...

    Shelle @

  25. We are the same person.

    And I am now bleaching everything in my house out of sympathy.

    OH, and what Alan said.


  26. So funny! And disgusting! I am normally the type of person who makes her child use purell on a regular basis! I would never let them eat anything that fell on the ground. If I went to that zoo, I think I might die!

  27. OMG EWWWWWWW! I'm not a major germaphobe either, but the poo everywhere would have seriously grossed me out, and I'd have been right there with you, loudly exclaiming about all the poo and resisting the class picture on the picnic table/bench. NO THANKS!

  28. Yep, I did that same stop as well.

  29. Anonymous9:21 PM

    Yuck. I'm going to go dive into a vat of Purell just to make sure the poo germs didn't transfer via blog.

  30. I found your blog tonight and I just read all of your posts that don't suck. Loved them. You had me cracking up.

    So, your pigeon poop story made me think of this time I was at Seven Peaks in Provo like, 15 years ago, and this seagull (why there are so many in Utah and not by the "sea" is beyond me) pooped on my cousin, twice.

    And I strongly suggest just not going ever again.

  31. ya...we went there a few years ago. It takes all of 5 minutes to walk the poop catwalk. There's definately a special feeling about that place. Especially disturbing!

  32. Yep, I went to that zoo last fall w/ my kids for our super moms group trip. Soo sad! Us moms were laughing because we were running around trying to dodge the pigeon poop from dropping on our heads.

  33. Y-u-uck! I would be scrubbing my kids and bleaching everything too.

  34. OMG I almost want to go just to see how bad it was.

  35. Ewwwww...I've heard enough about that zoo to never consider going. I'd rather teach my kids how to play the slots.

  36. We're going to Las Vegas this weekend for a non-wedding (it got cancelled, but we couldn't get our money back on our flights...bummer!)
    We'll be sure to avoid the zoo.

  37. I can't believe that the city spends so much money on gambling and entertainment but they can't provide a decent zoo. That's just craziness.

  38. Vegas is pretty good at marketing campaigns. They should try calling it the "Zoo n' Poo" or the "Free-Range Pigeon Habitat" that way you know what to expect.

  39. awe, how very sad....

  40. Eww, how disgusting! Shouldn't there be a sanitation board or something to inspect and fine them out of their minds?

  41. Anonymous5:52 PM

    Thanks for the heads up. All zoos make me feel sad with the caged animals and whatnot but this one sounds like it would have sent me over the edge. I'll be sure to NOT check it out the next time I'm in Vegas. Doubt that I'd spend my time at the zoo if I visited Vegas, but it is still good to know.

  42. maybe it's just the late hour sue, but as mentioned in my email tonight, i started reading your blog from the begining. and you're funny. really truly funny. witty, funny and perfect. i♥your writing.

    but no other post has made me laugh THE ENTIRE TIME. except this one. and my crazy imagination. i can picture the major motion film of the scene. it'd probably have to star Jim Carey in his insane, creepy persona, welcoming your group to the zoo. which is actually PooZoo. at first you THINK it's just covered in poo. but soon you realize that it's actually an organic construct...made from fresh excrement and hardened by the harsh Nevada sun. suddenly it starts to of those rare, desert storms that hits you like a mother (okay. maybe not a mother. at least most mothers. i digress). suddenly it's raining poojuice on everyone. structures start to disolve. all poo breaks loose. kids are screaming as the animals break free from their poocages and stampeeding through the river of poo that's now flowing through poozoo. muwahaaa ha ha ha says Jim with an evil delight.

    clearly i need to stop reading and go to bed. cause i'm getting slaphappy. like some freakin' lemonysnicket or something.