Thursday, May 08, 2008

Accidents Happen, Part II (This Time Not Fictional)

Pin It I'm ALIVE and feeling much better. Thank you for the well wishes and the comments (and the sometimes a little bit scary intensity). I have been watching the comments on my last post with excitement, gratitude and fascinated interest, but I have not had time to post because I was in an accident yesterday.


I was backing out of my garage when I was completely blindsided by a large truck.

Luckily, I'm fine. There is a hole in our bumper, but there were no injuries. I keep reminding my husband that he should be grateful I'm alive, but he keeps rolling his eyes at me.

O.k., so technically, it was our truck that I hit, and technically, it was just sitting there behind me in the driveway. So I guess it wasn't really that I was blindsided as much as that I - sort of forgot the truck was there.

(Hey, I had IMPORTANT THOUGHTS in my brain. You try writing the great American novel in your head and also not hitting stuff with your car. It's HARD.)

Besides, it was kind of sneaky of my husband to just park it there in the driveway. Usually he parks on the street. He was kind of asking for it. I did NOT point this out to him when I told him what had happened:

Me: "Honey, I hit the truck."
Husband, staring at me blankly: "With what?"
Me: "With the car."
Husband, spluttering: "How did - how - it was parked - did you even --"
Me: "Um."
Husband, now examining hole in the car: "How did you not see it?"
Me: "I'm not sure."
Husband: "Did you look?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"

This is the hole I made in the bumper:

To my husband's credit, he didn't get angry, he just sighed a lot. He had to know it was coming. It's been almost ten years since I've been in an actual accident. Granted, I tend to run into stuff, but it's usually it's more like - a house or a building or something.

NOTE: Things I've run into: the house, the boat, the car, the garage door, a pole, the door of a loading dock, a shopping cart holder thingie, my bicycle, and my husband (I TOTALLY didn't see him.)

Oh, I just remembered something. When I was 19, I stopped at a 7-11 to get a Big Gulp. When I was done, I pulled out of the parking lot, looked to my left, saw that it was clear and proceeded to make a right turn - directly into into a parked public transit bus.

The bus driver came out of the bus and had pretty much the same reaction that my husband had.

Him: "How did you not see it? It's a BUS."

Me: "Um."

I did not want to tell him the real reason - that 95% of my functioning brain cells were currently devoted to thinking about boys, and it had not occured to me to look to my right. (In my defense, I DID look left. So if you want to look on the bright side, I was actually half-right.)


In other news, my weight loss efforts are off to a fine start.

The other day I somehow found myself at Golden Spoon (as you do), a nearby frozen yogurt place. Basically it's ice cream, but they try to make you feel all virtuous and healthy for eating it, which would be fine if I wasn't eating enough for four people and topping it with cookies and chocolate sauce.

Once inside, I stood in front of the counter for a WHILE, trying to figure out what would be more virtuous, calorie-wise: a Mini vanilla with yogurt chips or a Small vanilla with strawberries. Standing there, I started thinking about how many miles I would have to walk to burn off the calories in that yogurt. It dawned on me that I could NOT eat the yogurt and that would save me a LOT more calories. I could walk out. I could put the spoon down. I could do it.

And so you know what I did?

I ate the MEDIUM yogurt, and then also, I put snickers on it.

So really, this isn't so much a weight loss victory story. It's more like - a cautionary tale. Because once I start thinking like that, denying myself stuff that is more or less healthy (shut up) and fits within my calorie budget/plan for the day, I'm headed for a downward spiral of disordered thinking ("even fewer calories if you throw it up" "even fewer calories if you don't eat anything at all, all day," "hey, I've heard people on meth lose a lot of weight,") and I give up.

I'm a regular font of inspiration, I know. You're welcome.


  1. Anonymous2:30 PM

    I am going to bookmark this post and the next time I hit something with either our car or our van, I'm going to have my husband read your post as a reminder to him about how lucky he is. Afterall, I've never hit my husband with a vehicle, although I've hit many other things.

  2. Anonymous2:45 PM

    Oh my goodness, please put this post in your list of posts that don't suck, you are way too hilarious!!

    p.s. are you really writing a novel? I will absolutely buy it if you do. I would even pre-order :)

  3. Oh Sue, how you make me GIGGLE! I honestly don't believe that you're not funny in person. I don't.

    I know I've written about this in a post once, but I've run into a few things too. I ran backed into my husband's car once to. And a police car. I used to be such an idiot.

  4. Hey, I never hit strangers cars, only the people I love (my dad's car, my hubby's car, my son's car). One time my dad said to my husband "Hey, if you come out and help me, we can put your fender back on." My dad also loves my husband, so he hit his car.

  5. On the way to dinner thinking in my mind -I'm ordering a salad tonight no need to stuff myself. Get there waiter asks for my order-I'll have the chicken parmesan with a side of pasta and oh yeah- a salad! Purpose defeated- go home stuffed wondering why I ate so much. Pretty much the story of my eating life.

  6. Are you SURE we weren't twins separated at birth? I did the exact same thing with my van and my husbands truck, only I managed to run the side of my van all the way across his trailer hitch... Don't ask me how I did it, it took ALOT of skill.

  7. Oh Sue... I totally can see you hitting a city bus. I mental movie trailer you doing it on Center Street in Provo, pulling out of the 7-11 across from the Academy Library. If that is where you ACTUALLY did it, I may faint from the hilarity of it all.

    And snickers bars TOTALLY have peanuts (protein.... protein is GOOD) in them.

  8. A few months ago I hit a curb. Just a curb, with the front driver's side tire. Going less than 5 mph.

    It cost several thousand dollars to fix all the damage done to my stupid car.

    So. It's good that no one was hurt, even if there is a hole in your bumper. :)

  9. Since your husband did not notify you, email you, AND put a large sign on the truck saying he had parked in the driveway, I say it is all his fault!

  10. I backed out of the garage with one of the doors open.


    The passenger door required herculean effort to open now.

    Thanks for the giggle, luv. You're such a hoot, turning your misfortunes into our entertainment.

  11. You are seriously funny!
    I'm sorry about the vehick.
    We had a similar incident last week with my was totally his fault for 1. not parking in the garage where he normally parks, and 2. parking behind me and not all the way over so that when I couldn't see at 5am what was behind me, I ended up side swiping our other car.

    Glad you're not dead.

  12. Anonymous3:54 PM


    Your poor husband!!

  13. If Lucille Ball had had a blog, this would have been it.

  14. Oh I have done the same thing. Hit my husbands car with my old minivan. No damage so it wouldn't have been bad except that it was in front of my father-in-law, who was upset with me at the time. He was mad at me for something, we argued, he thought I was a moron. I left. I didn't see him walk outside as I left, and 5 seconds later instead of him thinking I was a moron...he knew it.
    But my BEST driving story was when Rob was teaching me how to drive. Remember the Wendy's across from Susie's Yogurt? (Which I am craving now btw!!) I went through the drive-thru in my Mustang, and hit the pole that is there so you don't mow down the order box. Instead of listening to my husband telling me to back up (there were people behind me, goll) I kept going forward. EEEEERRRGGGHHHHH! And then--BAM. Stuck on the rear wheel well fender thingy. Oops. Now I had to back up. I bet that's why I hate drive-thrus still!!

  15. Yeah, hitting your husband that has to suck. How did you ever live it down?? lol. And the bus?? Sounds like something I might have done....

  16. Anonymous4:37 PM

    I had an incident similar to your encounter with the bus. And I wasn't thinking about boys. Or girls. And I was a lot older.

    Off ramp traffic was backed up. Only one or two cars could go at a time. But there was a rhythm to it. The first car would look to the left then go. The next car would look to the left then go. Etc. When I became the first in line, I looked to the left, saw there was no one coming, and I went. But while I was looking left, the guy who had been in front of me, who had looked to the left then gone, had stopped for some unknown reason. Maybe he had heard voices from Venus. I plowed into the back of him, ripping off his bumper and raising a golf ball sized bump on his forehead. The cop didn't ticket either of us. And I had no spouse at the time to sigh at me.

  17. I knew we were soul sisters! I totally did the same thing! Backed right into my husbands jeep while trying to make a "fast turn". Yeah. Don't ask. He was mad.

    I never hit my husband with a car, but I did hit a bike rider once. In my defense, he totally shouldn't have been riding on the sidewalk.
    Yeah. Don't ask about that one either.

  18. Oh my gosh, I love you, or I would, you know if we actually knew each other in real life.

    I also run into stationary things, I try not to, but it just happens sometimes.


    I always put fruit on my yogurt at Golden Spoon so I feel like I am having a healthy snack--fruit and yogurt. It's good for you.

  19. You have a very patient husband. I would love to act like that would never happen to me but that just wouldn't be honest. I have run into a ton of things too and I always felt like I looked- I guess just not that well. ;)

  20. I had a friend who worked at the Golden Spoon when we were in high school and she went to REGIONAL SWIRL-OFF! Yes, they have a competition for all the workers to see who can make the most beautiful swirly ice cream.

    I just thought you should know.

  21. SWIRL-OFF. That is AWESOME. I worked at Susie's Frozen Yogurt (with Michelle - of Rob and Michelle :>) all through high school. I would have totally kicked butt at a swirl-off.

    Shannon. Yes, I'm writing a novel. It is about half-way done and has been about half-way done for approximately three years. I am going to finish it right after I um, make dinner, and get the kids in bed, and finish writing content for my client's internal wiki, and finish creating a help system for another client, and after I blog. And watch Top Chef. RIGHT after that.

    I'm thinking it will probably be a while. ;>

  22. Do you remember when we stopped at a 7-11 or Stop N Go (can't remember which one) but the door was open and you moved the car in reverse and the door caught on the cement pole and bent it. The door never closed properly after that. I'm totally LOL right now. :):)

  23. And do you remember the egg nog frozen yogurt? Or the pumpkin? I think vanila and blueberry was my all time favorite. I still don't like ice cream thanks to getting spoiled on free frozen yogurt every day for years!

    And I woulda kicked your butt at a swirl-off.

    Okay, well, maybe not. We'll never know.

    And was it YOU that popped a peanut up my nose when I came around the corner into the back room? Or was that Lisa Cox? And who did I get in the "see if cheese will stick to the ceiling" contest with?? There was still cheese on the ceiling when that place closed.

  24. I read a book the other day that sounded like you wrote it - it was quite funny and pithy and all that.

  25. Anonymous6:24 PM

    That was hilarious!

  26. I used to drive an old school, huge Suburban. I don't know how many times I backed out of our driveway in PC and hit the landscaping rocks in the yard across the street or pulled into the garage too far and rammed the front into a work bench. I never could figure out how long that beast was. I was so glad when we traded up to the newer model. I only rammed that thing into rocks and work bench a couple of times.

  27. Here's a story that should make you feel better about your accident.
    When our neighbor's daughter first got her driver's license, she was backing out of the garage, turned a little bit too much (and was going too fast, of course) and her back right bumper hit the front left bumper of her dad's car. She panicked and pulled forward, however, the bumpers had locked, so she dragged her dad's car back into the garage with her, causing his car to run into the back of her mom's car.

    She wrecked all three of the family cars in less than 20 seconds.

    They had a fun time trying to explain that one to the insurance agent.

    Your husband shouldn't have parked there. Totally his fault.

  28. Once a little parked BMW hit my big Suburban... once a semi truck hooked me onto his bumper accidentally while I oh-so-correctly backed out of my parking spot (he dragged me for half a block)... once I, well, you get the picture cuz I could go on and on

  29. p.s. Almond M&Ms... protein AND antioxidants!

  30. You are freakin' hilarious! I mean flat out hilarious. I do want to thank you though. I was sitting here laughing silently (almost) at your post and I looked over and my husband is just looking at me with that sweet "your so cute" grin on his face. (or maybe it was "your kind of a geek" look) Either way I haven't gotten that cute little look in a while. It makes me feel adored! So in essence YOU made me feel adored!

  31. You and my dad should hang out and swap stories about backing into cars, namely cars that belong to other people in your family. His GMC Sierra tow ball into my Honda Civic front bumper, twice. Left a hole JUST LIKE yours!!

    we are twinners

    and i heard meth really does make you thin, but it's probably because all your teeth fall out and you can't eat much anymore. Sounds like my kind of diet plan.

  32. oh and maybe we already talked about this... but i successfully rear ended the town mayor who was stopped at a crosswalk in front of my high school during lunch hour when i was 16. highlight of my life.

  33. and the side of my parents garage

  34. and i once ran over two raccoons at the same time

    okay i'm done, seriously

  35. Anonymous7:31 PM

    I love how you can turn something as innocuous as bumping a parked vehicle (granted, with your car) into a nearly fatal accident. The next time you hit something big or not moving, you should really use that approach in explaining your side of the story. It's an excellent way to downplay the actual event.

  36. Anonymous7:36 PM

    And this. Is why I love to read anything you have to write.

    I'll meet you for a yogurt with strawberries (hey, it's fruit. and calcium. how could it be wrong?) anytime.

  37. Don't feel so bad... I was in 7 car accidents before the time I turned 20 (totaling 4 cars). Needless to say, my insurance rates were through the roof!

  38. Does it make you feel better if I laugh with you?

    Or does that make you want to run to the Golden Spoon?

    Because oh. So funny.

  39. Anonymous8:27 PM

    Yet another hereditary moment. Two winters ago I backed into the closed garage door (well, it had been opened. It somehow closed itself). Then a month later I backed out of the garage, caught the side mirror on the garbage can I had carefully put out at the curb, tearing off the mirror and caroming the garbage can into the fender for a lovely dent. And it was a plastic garbage can, which was totally unmarked by the experience. Now child #9 is about to get his license. Clear the streets!

  40. golden spoon, really? i miss the golden spoon and didn't know they still existed. how many times have you gotten gummi bears on your "frozen yogurt" and then remembered how awful it is because they become little tiny rock solid bears. me? too many times to count...

  41. I just snarked so loud I woke up my baby!

    Oooh oooh, me too, me too! I pulled into a parking space once, sneezed and hit a bush. Then I was pulling into another parking space (this is about two months later) and instead of hitting the brake, hit the gas and mowed down a little tree. I'm parking lot landscaping's worst nightmare.

    And I've run into a parked car.

    On my bicycle.


  42. Anonymous10:15 PM

    I sabotage my own weight loss efforts too. "Would it be more healthy to eat the chicken and rice or the salad? Oh heck I'll eat both AND SIX COOKIES BECAUSE COOKIES HAVE FLOUR AND ISN'T THAT A GRAIN OR SOMETHING?!?!?!?!"

    Also I don't recommend the throwing up - I have tried it. It is not fun. I have a blog post about this very thing up right now as we speak! Weeeeird...

    I ran into the house with my mom's car once. I wasn't supposed to be driving it. And then I backed off the house into a garbage can. It was not a happy day at my house.

  43. Only you Sue!

    (Certainly not me.)


  44. Seriously we must have been twins up in Heaven...I have your fear and paranoia and I also hit all sorts of things in my car...mostly not moving...and I usually say, "it came from no where"! I love reading your blog!

  45. Sue, you're in Nevada now...just throw a little duct tape on the hole, and call it good. A great side effect of this is that everyone ELSE on the road gives your car a wide berth...not that I would know this personally or anything. Ahem.

  46. I second Shannon! This one's funny! Next time, watch out for that tree!

  47. I'm glad you didn't die...Thanks for the laugh to my insomniac self.

  48. You are so funny, Sue. Seriously. I love your posts. And I'm TOTALLY impressed with your 300+ comments on the last post. You are SO popular!

  49. *lol*

    *wipes tears from eyes*

    Thanks for coming back with a....BANG *snicker*

    You totally made my day with this post!!!

  50. I'm glad everyone is okay, and if it makes you feel any better, when I was nannying for this one family, they specifically asked me to park in this one spot in their driveway. One day, shortly after the mom had gone out to her car, she came back into the house in tears telling me she'd just hit my car. She wasn't used to it being there and backed out of the garage, angled left to turn around and BAM. And she'd JUST told me to park there that morning. LOL And a school bus backed into my PARKED CAR at the bus stop one time (two weeks before the mom of the kids I nannied for backed into it). SO, it happens to other people too. Just not me. yet. knocking on wood...

  51. Anonymous9:09 AM

    This is so funny! I made my husband read it and he gave me this "that's YOU" look.

    I don't know what he means! I NEVER fall into things, or over things, or into people.

    Seriously. NEVER.

  52. Hehehe! Don't do the meth - I hear they get the mad munchies but their teeth fall out so you wouldn't be able to chew the snickers. Hmm, wonder if gumming something to bits counts as burning calories? Yuck! There's a mental for ya.

    Glad you survived. Guess this means you didn't save a bunch of money on car insurance?

  53. SUE. You know im coming. and you know i HAVE to physically meet you. i will be at the golden spoon EVERY FREAKIN DAY. see ya there, and I will so show up your weakling medium! and im having a crappy day, and you are a true ray of sunshine- as gay as that sounds.

    oh and no worries on hitting the car, IT SHOULDN"T HAVE BEEN THERE! I jump so bad everytime I back out and my hubs has parked his car in the driveway- I always look just as I would have hit it, but luckily I back out straight enough, but one day SMASH- its gonna happen. Im just saying.

  54. I've been working out and have watched what I was eating (and not having an appetite helped) and I GAINED FOUR FREAKIN' POUNDS! HOw is that fair, HOW?!? UGH... I feel your pain.

    Oh and your poor, poor husband :-)

  55. When I hit something with the car - the illegally parked UPS truck, the garage door, the concrete wall on the upramp of the parking garage - my hub likes to play "20 questions". He starts to sound like my dad, all lecturey and whatnot. And I respond in kind, all petulant teenager. It's not good to reveal that kind of stuff over the phone - no matter how guilty my conscious - I've learned to do it in person so he can just go see it for himself.

    I'm with you on the weight loss don't-give-me-too-many-hurdles-or-I-might-run-screaming-from-the-diet-aisle thing. I can't think about it too much (like when my bootcamp instructor says "keep going to 99") or I quickly throw in the towel.

  56. So, my best friend totally gives me crap about "running her over" when it was more of a friendly nudge. Besides, why would you walk in front of my car? pshaw. she's retarded.

  57. ROFLMAO.

    you crack me up, thank you for posting.

  58. LOL my best friend and I were talking the other day about how putting strawberries on pudding makes it healthier ....right? RIGHT?? Anywho. She still ate a whole box of pudding and gave herself a stomache by doing it.

    your talk about yogurt totally reminds me of that conversation and the justifications we stry to use .... :D

  59. Anonymous4:30 PM

    That was such a funny post - thankyou!
    Reminded me of when I backed my car down our driveway (hey it's steep and narrow and I was concentrating on not scraping the side of my car AND my toddler was screaming in the back seat) and I backed into my husband's brand new car (well - two week old) which was TOTALLY his fault as it was not usually there! Mananged to damage not one but two panels - gotta do these things properly!

  60. When my husband and I were fist dating, he was kind enough to give me a ride home during spring break. It was my turn to drive and the car was out of fuel. So I pulled into a gas station and proceeded to pull up to the pump. I misjudged the length of his car and I rammed it into those stupid short posts that are around every pump. He proceeded to simultaneously laugh his head off at me and curse me out at the same time. And he has never let me live it down. I feel your pain. :)

  61. I need to have my husband read this! He just thinks I'm the only one with a few accidents under my belt:)

    I seriously have been trying to diet and exercise lately but the minute I think it, I somehow sabotage it. I eat twice as much and sit on my butt all day!

  62. Well I am glad to see that you didn't die. I am too dumb to check for UPDATEs at the END of a post so I just assumed the worst, not that you were going for the Gold Medal in comment-land.

    Congrat's on that by the way.

    Sorry to hear that there are like, 60 some odd other people that can't drive either! LOL!

  63. Frozen yogurt with snickers sounds like JUST THE THING after a parked truck jumps out at you like that.
    At least you weren't hurt, right?

  64. Did I ever tell you about the time my husband backed out of the garage with the car door open and ended up pulling a Tommy Boy? His defense was that he drove around like that all the time at work (he was a mechanic for a construction company) and never hit anything. Um, yeah.

  65. Oh and I guess there was the time that I annihilated a fancy stone mailbox while backing out of my grandmother's driveway in my dad's Range Rover. I forgot about that. Rocks strewn everywhere.

  66. What the- . I am casually doing my nightly check-point on my Family category rank on Humor Blogs and ....POW. Where did you come from? I was all prepared to declare you a new nemesis (as i am wont to do) but I visited your site and you are hilarious, love the blog so....carry on.

  67. You are totally my frozen yogurt hero! Nice to see other people in the same position, doing what I do...and not being to fit into their jeans, either.

    I highly recommend getting a sinus infection, especially one where you cough A LOT and your husband is out of town so there's no one to wait on you, bring you 7up or to hold your hair back when you're paying your respects to the porcelain gods. Lost 5 pounds!

  68. I'm sure the stress caused by that truck blindsiding you burned so many calories, you could've had a large ice cream and still break even.


  69. I recommend telling your husband that 95% of your brain cells were thinking about him at the time. They do still fall for that. Especially if it's in a "sexy time" way.

  70. oh my. I snorted when I was reading your cautionary tale. You made my mother's day.

  71. You know what I did to finally feel good about losing weight? I stopped weighing myself...and I feel pretty good. I have no idea if I've lost or gained weight, but not knowing is pure bliss.

  72. My mom had a two-car wide driveway. She would always park on one side and my step-dad would park on the other. Whenever I came over, I was always told to park behind my mom, but with enough room so she could back around my car, which I always did, and she successfully backed around my car many times. Once, however, we were going shopping together and she was driving. I pulled in and parked far behind her as usual. We got in her car and she began backing up. I noticed that she wasn't turning the wheel, so I said, "Don't forget to go around..." ***BANG!!!*** "my car."

  73. this is so me - I almost wrote, "I could have written these same words" but I couldn't. Nobody would have laughed.

    But I am with you. I hit our mailbox a couple of months ago. No it had not moved (acually, it was in the exact spot it has been for 6 years -but who is counting). My husband was parked in the middle of the driveway and I had to steer around him (managed to not hit his truck - he SHOULD have been thankful-not) and my child was having a hysterical meltdown in the backseat. But, I guess I am the one who actually hit the VERY stationary mailbox. I didn't tell my husband for a couple of days and he said "how did you keep C from telling me?" I told him she was so out of control in the backseat that she had no idea that I hit it, got out and inspected it or cried all the way to school to drop her off. This should have made him more understanding of how I could actually hit the mailbox but he just shook his head with the same "did you forget it was there?". No $#*&head!

  74. :( i'm sorry about your bumper. that's no fun. all that car fixing and insurance crapola. i hate that.

    i randomly clicked on your link from FMH, and have realized (after reading your archives) that i less than 3 your blog.

  75. I have determined that Google Reader is smart, because it recommended your blog to me, and this is the first post I clicked on, and I cannot stop laughing. I cannot tell you how many times my parents have backed into one of our cars that was in the driveway. (the slant sometimes makes it hard to see them) And your husband's reaction was priceless. And then came the bus story, so now I'm sitting here at work, trying very hard to keep a straight face. I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog. :) (and I'm very glad you're okay...I know how it is running into things...walls jump out in front of me when I'm walking. Seriously, they're out to get me)

  76. Ok-- all the laughter=lots of Braxton-Hicks.

    Thank you.

  77. I have not read you in AGES (I have not read anyone in ages, nor have I written anything in ages!) and man, did I miss you! this post is absolutely hilarious---in a way that only you can be. Love it!