Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Stuff I Think Is Dumb

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1. The fact that dogs, when you take them to the kennel, you can’t just leave them there forever. Why isn’t that an option? WHY?!!? I would pay them a LOT MORE if at the end of the dog stay, they would just keep the dog and send us pictures once in a while. Alternatively, they could have a “Break the Bad News” option where upon arriving at the kennel to pick up the dog, the kennel people tell your children that Fido went to live in heaven while they were on vacation. That way, you get the whole NO DOG thing, but also, your kids wouldn’t blame you for it. (Quick, somebody write a business plan. We could be billionaires.)

2. My hair. It turns out it really DOES make a difference if you have a professional color your hair or if you try to do it yourself. A BIG difference. It's the difference between feeling like a pretty, pretty, princess and feeling like a giant dishwater colored turd.

3. I would like to announce that I have crossed over into the realm of bloggers who receive free stuff. Did I get a Dyson? No. Did I get a Wii Fit? No. I got (Are you ready for this? It's really exciting.) - a BOX OF FREE POPCORN. GLORY HALLELUJAH. I HAVE ARRIVED.

4. I think it's dumb that in large group settings with people I don't know very well, I sometimes get overly anxious and self conscious. Sometimes when I think of something to say, I get all excited to say it and instead of just SAYING IT like a normal person I get all wound up and sick to my stomach and end up blurting it all out in one overly intense, awkward ramble of words. (On the other hand, give me a microphone and a podium and not only will I not be self conscious, I will totally ROCK YOUR WORLD.)

5. Swim skirts on large women. I'm allowed to say this, because I am currently nine thousand pounds. Here's the thing. We know you're fat under there. We know this because we can see the rest of you. Trying to hide the thighs specifically is kind of pointless. Set your thighs free. Let them come out and run wild and free with your arms and your back fat. Yes, that's right. You can do it. Come on out here and join the rest of us tubbies. I may not speak for the fit people of the world, who might sometimes prefer that we hide our unsightly cellulite from view beneath a swimming burka, but seriously - we're swimming, not going to church.

What do YOU think is dumb?

P.S. BESIDES this post.

78 comments:

  1. What do I think is dumb?

    Caffeine free Diet Coke (Or Pepsi)

    Seriously, what's the point?

    I also think that it's dumb that my kids will set their alarm clocks so loud that it wakes me up (an entire floor above them) but when I go down to their rooms to get them up, they are laying in bed, with the alarm blaring less than a foot away from their head, and they are still asleep.

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  2. What's dumb?

    Staying up too stinking late (and yet I persist).

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  3. What I think is dumb:

    Being really tired all day and then being wide awake as soon as it's time to go to sleep.

    Having a fan on in the office in the vain hope that it will cool me down when actually all it does is move the sticky air around a bit. Nice.

    Being stuck in the office when I should be sunbathing and making the most of what little sun we get in England.

    I could go on.

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  4. I'm in the opposite camp when it comes to swimsuits. I'm still waiting for the return of the bathing costume.

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  5. Why do people back into parking spaces? It takes just as much effort to back in as it does to back out. I can think of no good reason why they'd need a quick get-away, except if they'd robbed the store, at which point I'm hoping they'd at least be smart enough not to park and to just have a car with the motor running by the exit.

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  6. I think it is dumb, no..idiotic, that on June 11 it is SNOWING OUTSIDE!!!Who would have guessed that the North Pole has been moved to 40 miles east of Salt Lake City! Whose dumb idea was that? Reset your compasses everyone. (If this was Your personal decision, God, I apologize profusely for my disrespectful ranting. Just, please, can we have summer last longer than two days this year?)

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  7. For the record, I do not think this post is dumb.

    I do think it's dumb that my Hubby turns the air on to full in our no A/C car to "keep the air moving" but gets upset if I roll down the window. I love that man, and I could love him better if he would see reason on this issue.

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  8. If you do pay extra at certain kennels, say the vets kennel, they will keep your dog and maybe they will take a "final" picture of your dog for an additional fee. (I know my vet will even give you a plaster paw of your pet for another additional fee.)

    I also disagree about the swimsuit skirt thing. In my case, I know I'm fat under the skirt but I want to cover as much as I can so other people can see the least of me as possible.

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  9. I think it's dumb that we have mean dog on one side who's taught our dog to be mean, and even though we spent BIG BUCKS to put a fence in between them and stop the ridiculous racket, they still wake me up at 2:47 BARKING!!!

    I'm with you. Keep the dog at the kennel FOREVER. All dogs go to heaven, anyway.

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  10. I think it's dumb that the nurses at work won't bring a cart of charts back to my office because it's too far. How do they think they got up there?? I didn't POOF them there. I brought them!!! And it was just as far up there for me as it would be for them. UGH!

    I'm sure there is something else that more people can agree with I just can't think right now.

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  11. Charlie, that reminds me of when my aunts used to say it was farther from Utah to Virginia than from Virginia to Utah!

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  12. I was reading over at madmad via suburbancorrespondent and she was talking underwear. Anyway, long story short I think thong pantiliners are D-U-M-B.

    But let me tell you what is brilliant. I have a friend who gives all the ladies in our little circle of friends the same birthday gift. A stash of chocolate crammed in a feminine hygiene box, because what better hiding place could there be in your home? Nobody's gonna look there! (I just got mine last night in a thong pantiliner box, funny! Also why I've been thinking once again about their dumbness.)

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  13. I think it's dumb that when I'm given an open forum to air my "dumb" opinion I can't think of anything that's dumb. hmmmm. does that say more than I think?

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  14. Split shifts at my teenager's job.

    Now not only do I get to drive her to work, I get to do it twice a day.

    arggg.

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  15. mom2nine - You will really think it's dumb when you get snow on the 4th of July. It has happened in the past up your way. I know. I was there.

    LOL, I thought about the same thing when I read Charlie's post. Our Utah relatives saying it was just to far to come to Virginia from Utah for a visit, but it wasn't as far for us to go to Utah. Now that was dumb.

    I think it's dumb when people weave in and out of traffic - in a hurry to get somewhere. Then you pull up behind them at the next red light.

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  16. heh... you think I wear that swimskirt to hide my thighs? Ok, yes that too, but the real reason is I hate shaving my more sensitive areas. Reeeeeeeally hate it.

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  17. Maddison8:46 AM

    Well for starters, I think you're hilarious! You crack me up! And no, I don't think that's dumb. :)

    I think it's dumb when mothers with naughty children give other moms dirty looks. Very dumb.

    I think it's dumb that I have to take THREE more math classes in order to pursue my SOCIOLOGY and FRENCH major. Tres bete! (w/o accent marks because I don't know how to do those)

    I also think it's dumb that kids get three months off for a vacation and adults still have to work. And along with that, I think it's VERY dumb that somehow, after squawking all year long for summer to "get here already," they're bored after two days of it. Sigh.

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  18. I think it's dumb that if you're fifteen minutes late to your appointment they reschedule you, but if you're on-time they have no problem making you wait an hour in a paper outfit until the Dr. mossies on in.

    On the swim skirt thing, it's the shaving not the thighs. Honest. I'm thinking of getting a REALLY big wetsuit, since it doesn't look like bathing costumes are coming back anytime soon. Then I won't have to shave anything.

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  19. really? Ladies get the skirts so they don't have to shave? I thought it was for butt & thighs, too. Well, that is why I just got mine anyway. unfortunately for me, though, I have a ghetto butt & the skirt covers in the front but hikes way up in the back, so no coverage. my butt is more like a shelf really.

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  20. My hair is dumber. It flips up on one half of my head and turns under on the other. It also gets frizzier every year, without being very curly. And cheap hair straighteners are not that effective.

    I have to second the swim skirt issue...I wear one due to avoid some shaving and to feel a little more covered. I know I couldn't possibly be kidding anyone about what is there....

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  21. You are so me in another body. Except funnier. And prettier and stuff.

    Was that a creepy thing to say? I think that might have been a wee bit creepy.

    Anyhoo, ditto to all the above!

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  22. Maddison10:01 AM

    Rynell - sister! We surely were separated at birth! My hair does the EXACT same thing and all this time I thought I was the only one! Man, I hate my hair! Like you, it gets frizzier every year, different parts of my scalp produce different types of hair, when "natural" it's neither curly nor a nice wave, straightened just looks like I got an electric shock and it's killing my hair, AND it's a mousy brown. My husband is so tired of hearing about it but really, it sucks! OK, sorry for the rant. But it counts for this post because I think my hair is really, really dumb!

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  23. I'm madly jealous. It wasn't the gourmet popcorn that Scribbit got, was it?

    I would die rather than go without my skirted swimsuit bottom. There is no need to inflict the sight of my upper thighs on anyone.

    Oh, you just made me think of a post I meant to write...thanks!

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  24. I think it's dumb that I can say the same thing 50 bazillion times to my kids and they still act like it's a totally new idea when I finally yell it in their face.
    I need a microphone. And one of those annoying air horn thingys.
    Oh, and $4.20 for gas. That's dumb and it sucks bogwater.

    I think your posts rock.

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  25. I thought of another thing that is dumb. When a restuarant runs out of ketchup, crackers, seasonings, and worst of all CRAYONS! They don't go bad. You can order extra because you know we are low. Now I work in an office and we are always running out of paper. It doesn't go bad and we have a place to store it. ORDER MORE!!! It's ridiculous.

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  26. I think its dumb that by July when I've finally lost that last ten pounds (dreams, all dreams) and can actually buy a new swimsuit, the stores will be stocking winter coats and there will be no swim skirts left.

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  27. Dumb: Being barfed or peed on every day before noon by my infant and having to the resultant laundry.

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  28. I think the stomach flu is dumb and should be outlawed in the US.

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  29. This post rawks!

    I have to ditto with the skirt for shaving reasons. I get a 5 o'clock shadow on my legs!! I don't think Chewbacca in a hairnet will be the new fashion look. It doesn't help that I'm so white that I reflect the sun. :)

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  30. Airlines who charge you money to bring luggage on your trip. "How dare you bring a change of clothes!"

    Intersections that allow left-hand turns only with a green arrow. "Because you're too stupid to figure out if a car is coming on your own!"

    Dry-clean only kids clothes.

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  31. Doing things because other people say you ought to. That's dumb.

    Not trusting your gut.

    Eating food that you know will make you want to curl up and die.

    And my hair is dumb. Only bits of it curl, like the top front layer. The rest is either stick straight or slightly wavy. So that means I have to either do my hair EVERY day (who has time for that?) or put it up in a pony tail. And that means my hair is usually in a pony tail.

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  32. Oh, and stores stocking Christmas items before Halloween. THAT is dumb. I don't need to be reminded that early that I will not be completing my shopping until the very last minute.

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  33. I think it's a dumb that some idiot can come along and rear-end you, smash the snot out of the back of your van, drive away with barely a scratch and is DONE with teh issue. While I get stuck on the phone for HOURS with different insurance adjusters who want to argue about my level of injuries and what personal property of mine that was damaged really does need to be replaced adn what doesn't (and that they consider the carseat and stroller among the items that DON'T need replacing). And that it took the other driver's insurance FIVE DAYS to finally accept liability, and then I almost didn't have a rental for another WEEK, except someone turned one in early. And that my van is now 13th in line for repairs at the autobody shop.

    THAT'S what I think is dumb...

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  34. I think it's dumb that my co-workers are complaining that the boss, who is SICK, left early today. What.the.heck. They leave early after stepping on a nail and getting their foot infected. They leave early after their 18 year old daughter robs a convenience store and then . . . surprise, surprise, gets -- you guess it -- a.r.r.e.s.t.e.d.

    Duh.

    But now, I don't think your post or your blog is dumb.

    However, I do wonder...does this mean I have to go get rid of the burka i wear on the rare occasion I go swimming?

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  35. Lindsay2:21 PM

    I thought swim skirts were to hide stretch marks.

    I like to think of it as more of a swim dress--like I was at a fancy party, and fell into the pool, like in the movies.

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  36. Swimming Burkas. . . ha, ha, ha! I'll laugh about that for weeks.

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  37. What do I think is dumb?

    *Posting a comment when there are already 99,999 before yours...like the blogger is actually going to read yours!

    *Never getting more than 9 comments on my own posts, and 3 of them are responses from me to the posts above.

    *Celebreality shows (except for Dancing With The Stars)

    *The fact the LOST won't be back on until January.

    *The fact that it took until this past January for me to discover "The Office."

    *Round-abouts in the US. Nobody here knows how to drive in them properly, so why put them in?

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  38. Dumb? I got dumb for ya:

    Moving seven times in five years for NO GOOD REASON.

    My husband's stacks-o-paper everywhere- and he's not even here!

    Not having DVR anymore.

    Lisa being in the Top Chef finale. If she wins I'll be so pissed.

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  39. Having about spewed coffee all over my screen laughing about the swimskirts...

    I think it's dumb (and I can say this because I weigh 9,400 pounds) when really lumpy fat people wear clothes that are obviously made for a stick figured 15 year old and they let their flabbiness ooze out of every part of everything. It's just dumb. And gross. And I have been shopping around for a burka - know any good places?

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  40. Ha ha ha! HA HA! Funny!

    Ok, moving on...

    I think it's really, really dumb when you go to the grocery store with two little kids and the old farts give your kids dirty looks for being happy and making a teensy weensy bit of noise. That totally sucks! I also think it's dumb that my kids do not hear me when I ask them to do something 35 times, but when their dad asks them they instantly do whatever it is with a smile on their face - yeesh!

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  41. I'm so with you on # 4...

    I think it's dumb when people pull out in front of you on the highway and make you slam on your brakes (when they could easily pull in behind you) and then stop to make an almost immediate left turn that they must wait for traffic to clear before making.

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  42. I LOVE my swim skirt and I'm not afraid to say it. Just to explain...it has nothing at all to with hiding my fat from you....thats not possible....I'm hiding my fat from ME! yes, I have issues.

    And caffeine free diet coke? Its so I can give my self the illusion of having an afternoon diet coke...but still get to sleep at night. You wait until you get old.

    stuff I think is dumb....letting your kids run wild in a nail salon. I hired a sitter so I could go and relax away from the kids...not so I could come and listen to yours!!

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  43. I also love my swim skirt. At first I was against it but I feel much more comfortable w/ it on. I know I'm not hiding my fat from anyone. If we didnt wear them someone would be making a blog entry about women who need to wear swim skirts. :-)

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  44. Things that are dumb:
    We are FINALLY getting a big American store here in Canada.
    Yee haw, it's a bass pro shop.
    Every single female Canadian who goes to the US loads her suitcase with Bath and Body Works but hey, all 17 hunters up here get a pro-shop.

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  45. Alarm clocks for moms who have kids. Mine is covered in dust. Also, attempting sewing projects with kids underfoot. Thanks for yet another fun post.

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  46. What's dumb?

    The fact that when I am at work, the firewall will only let me post on certain blogs and not others and by the time I get home and have a chance to post something, I have totally forgotten what I was going to say and end up rambling on and on like an idiot because I still want to be involved but I have no idea how to do it and look cool at the same time.

    I'm going to stop now before I make a bigger idiot of myself. (Oops, too late)

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  47. Having no chocolate in the house. Dumb. And possibly dangerous.

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  48. I think its dumb:

    That a manufacturer's coupon states on it that they will reimburse the retailer for face value of the coupon plus eight cents. And the retailer still gives me grief over using it, especially when they make money on the deal.

    When I call a wrong number, the person always calls me back to find out who I am, why I called, and then tells me that I dialed the wrong number.

    Maternity Thongs. I saw them at Motherhood once. Just one more way to be miserable, I guess, but totally dumb, in my opinion.

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  49. I thought of another:

    Old Navy (particularly, Women's Plus sizes) for the following reasons... (and I speak for myself, since I weigh more than you).

    Women's shirts that offer no coverage should you choose to raise your arms above your head.

    Women's shirts with Low Rise pants. Seriously, why does ON only sell LOW RISE for plus women?

    Women's shirts (as mentioned above) paired with Low Rise pants paired WITH Gs.

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  50. Anonymous3:52 AM

    Reading blogs of people complaining about Disney land (the ride was broken, the high speed internet sucks, etc...) while I'm at work!

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  51. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  52. I think teens that wear their pants falling off their butts are dumb and thank goodness my kids have never wanted to try that look ! My first time here and I loved the post,as for me I went from sexy two piece swim wear to none as in I will not wear one ever again ! Well at least in the daylight where someone might see me !

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  53. #5 is hysterical!

    I got a free package diapers and wipes. Woo hoo!

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  54. I think it's REALLY DUMB that people actually JOKE about wearing burkas when some of us live in Saudi Arabia and have to WEAR them in 115' weather. (my apologies to those who are still having snow.) But sun is seriously not as fun when you are wearing black sweat from head to toe.

    ps, I get back to the States in 9 days, and when I get there I plan to let my THIGHS hang out!!

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  55. The swim skirt is my friend. I would actually like the skirt to reach all the way to my ankles.
    Are you my twin? I do the same moronic blurting thing, too! And yet have no fears of giving speeches! We few, we lucky few.

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  56. I think $4 gas is dumb. Especially since the oil company CEOs get MILLIONS in their pockets.

    I think it's dumb that we got SNOW on the ground yesterday in Idaho.

    And maybe other people will think this is dumb, but last time I bought a swimsuit I got a tankini/shorts combo (the shorts for the shaving/Nairing/waxing the nethers reason).

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  57. Sorry I thought of some more last night.

    Because you lost your keyless entry thingamabob to your car you have to unlock your car using your (gasp!) key, but for some reason that causes your keys to bend, eventually rendering them useless so you have to buy a new key, which costs $100+, so you buy an extra key that will only unlock your door but not start your engine and then that key breaks off in your door.

    Saying "I don't care anymore" when you look in the mirror at the abomination of an outfit you are wearing or the lack of hairstyle you threw together, because, honestly, you really do care.

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  58. 1) I like my dogs
    2) I've been bald and I don't care how much I spend, I refuse to have my hair look like crap. Oh and by the way, didn't it cost twice as much to fix it as it would have if you'd gone there in the first place? Huh? That'll teach ya.
    3)WHAT! Free stuff! I never get free stuff!
    4)AMEN!
    5) See, I think I'm going to disagree here. My mom, large woman, also doesn't know how to shave, so, I prefer to see her in the swimming burka.
    6) I like my dogs! Why don't you like your dog? Why? I like my dogs better than I like my kids. Better than BH. Most of the time.

    I'm gonna need to do a dumb post. Because seriously, EVERYONE around me is retarded!

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  59. Oh. My. GOODNESS! I'm so glad I wasn't drinking something or it surely would've been through my nose.

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  60. I second your swim skirts comment! Just let everything show. No one cares. And your butt will definitely look better if you get some sun on it.

    BTW - I have been a longtime reader but never commented. The note about you dying on the side of your blog finally got to me and I had to out myself. So there.

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  61. I think mail-in rebates are dumb. Why not just lower the price? Well because most people don't mail in the rebate so they save money, but still, who remembers those things??

    Love your posting.

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  62. This is dumb - going to the bank drive thru window at 5 PM. The cars were stacked up two and three deep in all lanes and there's only one person working the window!! The person in front of you has some problem with her transaction. It took 20 minutes of waiting to deposit a $50 check in my account. I couldn't back out because of someone behind me.

    Dumb bank for not putting more tellers at the window during the after work rush. And dumb me for going at that time in first place.

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  63. I hate it when I comment on peoples blog all the time and they don't reciprocate. I feel unloved. Rejected!

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  64. What's dumb? My husband being laid off this week. And because you have been such a shining example of honesty in the face of poverty, I actually had the guts to blog about it. Can you believe?!

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  65. I found your blog recently while blurking. It makes me feel better. It's real and raw. So thanks for writing.

    My motto of late: I see dumb people......EVERYWHERE!

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  66. I have your blog on my google reader. I finally got around to linking you. I LOVE you to death and I love reading your posts. I have commented a couple of times but not much. But I AM here. ALWAYS. I will pray for your house here in UT.

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  67. Sorry that last comment was not really from Jordan. Darn multiple accounts! It was from me.

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  68. Thorn Tree Lady, I read yours, but you won't know because my comment is 1,039,999.

    Poor Bonnie. I don't know you, but I'll comment on your blog, because what the heck, life's short. Why not spread a little cheer?

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  69. I think it is dumb that my neighbors have fifteen cars (they are trucks, jeeps, four wheel drives) for 9 people, a six car garage with a boat and junk in it... and they park their cars on the sidewalk so my kids can't ride their bike past their house (argghhhh....I want to scream) and no, I don't live in a trashy neighborhood... thank you very much!

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  70. Mini skirts, ugs, tanks tops and scarves, worn simultaneously. I mean really, are you hot or cold? Make up your mind! (yes, sadly this is a clothing trend here in Southern California)

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  71. "....that's fine - just be aware that I may die. Really. Because every person who reads without commenting kills off another little piece of my SOUL. I just wanted you to know. So you can, you know, have a clear conscience at my funeral. Which might be soon. No pressure though....."

    Okay, okay, okay...okay! Scheeeez...the guilt. :):)

    What do I think is dumb? Kids who swear on a stack of bibles that they've done their homework, but left it at home. AND...parents who will leave their jobs to go home get the homework and bring it to school....teaching their son or daughter... what??...tell me again...I keep forgetting.

    I teach....and it's summer!!!! I've got to let go.
    I like your blog...very funny. Made me laugh outloud. Thanks! LJ

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  72. This post is beyond funny. I am not funny at all so I have nothing to add to your list but I enjoyed every minute of reading all of it along with the comments.

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  73. I think it's dumb that out of the millions of people in the U.S., we could only come up with the two running for president.

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  74. And another dumb thing - happened to this morning.

    People who apparently don't see the HUGE ONE WAY signs at both ends of a local street and can't figure out why they have to keep going around people walking and riding their bikes who just happen to be in the MARKED bike lane.

    Yes, one of these drivers actually said that to us this morning. You know, if you can't read very large road signs, maybe you shouldn't be on the road!!

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  75. You got popcorn!!!?!?!?!!!

    All I ever get is Spam.... and not the good kind...

    Oh, and the hair? Did you know that cowlicks can sprout up at ANY TIME? I have three and counting...

    That's dumb AND scary!

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  76. I could not disagree more about the swim skirts. They rock my world inside out.

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  77. Hilarious! I agree with swim skirts, even though my swimsuit has one. What is dumb is that I even have a swimsuit because I can't swim so I never go to the pool.

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  78. "Diet" chocolate.

    Enough said :)

    Except . . . I just got my first swimskirt--haven't actually worn it yet--can't resist a deal at Costco.

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