Pin It Me: "Listen, I'm tired of telling you girls to clean up your room. If you don't clean it up in the next FIVE MINUTES, I'm gonna get a garbage bag and whatever I find on the floor, I'm gonna keep. I'm not kidding."
Sarah: "So what if I put my stuff on the bed?"
Me: "Whatever I find on the floor OR your bed."
Sarah: "So what about my pillow? Are you gonna take my pillow?"
Me: "Whatever I find on your bed that doesn't belong there."
Abby: "What if I leave my piano book on the floor?"
Me: "Anything EXCEPT your piano book."
Sarah: "What about my shoes? What if I don't get them cleaned up in time? You can't take my shoes. I need them for school."
Me: "Ok. Anything but the piano book and the shoes and --"
Abby: "I'm gonna leave my blue shirt on the floor for you Mom. I don't want it. It's itchy."
Me: "No, you need to pick it up --"
Abby: "But I don't want it."
Sarah: "Oh, and Mom, I'm gonna leave Carter's stuff on the floor. 'Cuz we don't want it."
Me, possibly yelling just a tiny bit loudly: "JUST CLEAN IT UP."
Abby, in a quavering voice: "We're just askin' a question."
Sarah, in tears: "You don't have to yell."
(They both collapse in a heap of sobbing, because their mean, mean, mean, borderline abusive mother yelled at them.)
DURFWAD. You know what I mean? Just - slimey hockeypuck freakin' DURFWAD.
(Times like this, I wish I knew how to scrapbook.)