Friday, February 01, 2008

Quirky? Who, Me?

Pin It Veronica has tagged me for Six Quirky Things About Myself.  Veronica's husband actually came up with the list of things that were quirky about her, which sounded like a terrific idea. Not only would I get a blog post out of it - I wouldn't even have to WRITE the thing. So I asked my husband what was quirky about me.

"I don't know," he said.

"You can't think of anything odd about me?" I asked him incredulously. "Seriously? You don't think I'm a little weird?"

"Oh, no, you're plenty weird," he said. "I just can't think of anything specific."

Oh.

Ok then. I'm so glad we cleared that up.

ANYWAY. Here is my list of six quirky things, NO THANKS TO MY HUSBAND:

1. I am quite sure I'm going to die before I'm 60, probably of cancer, or in an incredibly tragic traffic accident or a horrifying plane crash or something. Everytime I fly, I am sure it's going down. I start obsessing over it several days in advance, and by the time I board the plane I've usually convinced myself that my fears are actually the Holy Spirit warning me that the plane is going to go down with me in it, so I write a letter to my kids before I get on the plane and leave it somewhere easy to find, because I want them to have something to remember me by. The plane is always perfectly safe, and even though my husband teases me and says dramatically, "You're ALIVE, you're ALIVE," I know, deep inside, that it was a close call, and that NEXT time, it's for sure going to crash. Probably. (Did you know I was in a plane that was struck by lightning once? We landed safely, but it FREAKED. ME. OUT.)

2. I think that if I don't die in an incredibly scary, dramatic fashion, I am probably going to die in a very embarrassing, mortifying way - like having a stroke when I'm naked in the tub. Or even worse, maybe I'll have a stroke when I'm pooping or something, and then they'll come in to find me dead but naked, and they'll have to try to move me off the toilet, and it will be gross, and my husband's last memory of me will be all - nasty.

3. I drive like a grandma. I'm the one in the right hand lane on the freeway going 59. I am no longer fazed by people who flip me off. I used to be a bad-ass in the car, and then we moved to a little town where the speed limit on every road is 25 and I rarely went more than 5 miles from home. Traveling on an actual freeway, in actual big girl traffic, is insanely terrifying. The cars are all going so fast, and all that's keeping us from slamming into each other is the tiny little white dotted lines, which, strangely, don't really make me feel all that safe. And of course, I usually don't think to write my children a goodbye letter before I get on the freeway, so I have to drive extra slowly so that I don't die on this particular trip, because if I do they will NEVER KNOW their mother loved them. Tragical.

4. If I lie down, I am asleep within seconds, literally. It drives my husband nuts. It doesn't matter if I'm tired or not, if you put me in a horizontal position I'm out of it within seconds. (Er, except when we're being romantic. Mostly.) I'll be in the middle of a conversation with my husband and a minute later I'm snoring. He always knows when I'm falling asleep because I do that little jumpy thing. (Do you know what I mean? You know how babies startle and jump when they are falling asleep? I still do that.)

5. If my husband looks at me a certain way, with a certain loving look in his eye, I cannot sustain eye contact and I usually giggle, and then he laughs at me. We've been married for 12 years, I should be over it by now, shouldn't I?

6. When I'm at home by myself, I like to tell myself stories I've made up and will actually sort of act them out. I'll walk around the house talking to myself dramatically as I'm cleaning, playing the different parts. I'll get so wrapped up in what I'm telling myself that I'll be disappointed when people come home because they are interrupting my story. I do the same thing in the car by myself. It's endlessly entertaining. Sometimes I drive around the block an extra time, so that I can finish the "chapter." Sometimes I make myself cry. Sometimes I'll get mad at my husband in my imaginary story, and it will carry over into real life. I can't help being irritated with him, and he'll say, "What?!" and I just say nothing, because I can't very well tell him the truth. He'd think I was crazy or something.

I'm tagging Karen, Heidi, Blackbird, Amy, and Hollywood. Unless they don't want to be tagged. Then I take it back. (How embarrassing.)

60 comments:

  1. Sue, it's so good to see you posting again. Your weirdness at least is private, invisible weirdness. You are not yet openly weird, like some of us. When your children become teenagers, they will let you know that at that point you have suddenly become really weird, out of step, and an embarrassment. It happens to all of us. Unless we die first. Which you won't.

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  2. I'm with you on 5 & 6. You should NEVER get over 5, though. And as for #4, it's only weird when your tattoo artist has to wake you up! I think your quirky-ness is spamtacular!

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  3. I had taken a break myself and was pleased to come back to a good laugh. I love your quirkiness, it's endearing.

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  4. I drive like a crazy woman. Not wild and uncontrolled, but fast. It's great living in Germany!! I love the autobahn!

    And I so so so wish I could fall asleep like that! I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum...I lay in bed for hours before I fall asleep.

    *sigh*

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  5. Okay -

    I've done this one, but it's the weekend, so I'll do it again!

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  6. I do #6. Shhh.

    There is something sort of Anne Shirley-ish about this list. I love it.

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  7. Ouch. You just did this because I took you off my blogroll. And you know you are an impossible act to follow.

    That plane thing, though? I know. And then I think, "Well, I should refuse to get on, and then tomorrow (after the crash) the local paper will interview me and I can say something really stupid and heartless like 'I guess it just wasn't my time to go yet.' Unlike the other 256 people who were dumb enough to get on the flight, right?"

    And I talk to myself a lot, too, acting out things that haven't happened. When I was younger, I thought it was because I didn't have enough friends; but now it just must be a habit. I have some really scintillating conversations, too. I'm much wittier when I'm pretending.

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  8. It's great to see you back!!! I checked every day faithfully in hopes that you would be posting again!!

    Oh, and the storytelling thing...I do it to. And hubby has NO idea why I love me some ME time...

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  9. I've been missing you!

    Your list is great.

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  10. Hey Sue! Good to see you back!

    Your #4 is me exactly! Even the little jumpy thing.
    On the up side, every movie we've ever rented is always new to me - I never stay awake till the end.

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  11. "You're ALIVE, you're ALIVE!"

    Whew!

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  12. (meaning, "Welcome back!")

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  13. I do that jumpy falling asleep thing too, and sometimes I forget to breath as I'm falling asleep. I wake up taking a ginormous breath that sounds like I've been scared or something.

    I too worry I'm going to die early. For me it's cancer or something like that. Maybe an accident.

    I'm so glad you're back! I had just found you, and then missed your special quirkiness! The world needs more quirky people.

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  14. Oh my gosh, there are still PEOPLE willing to read. It's a miracle. Yay. I love you guys.

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  15. Thank goodness you're back to brighten my day!

    Those were quirky? That behavior is NOT normal?

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  16. I'm so glad you are back. Today, I said, if she is still gone, i'm going to remove her from my favorites. and here you are!! Which means nothing to you since you have no idea who i am.

    My son, 20, and my husband, 54, also twitch when they are going out. It is how i know to shut up.

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  17. I knew you would be back - I hope all is good. Love your list and scarily I see myself in it - not so much the obsession about dying but the other stuff. The dental assistant has had to wake me up more than once and DO NOT put me in the passenger seat of a car and expect me to stay awake (especially when the sun in shining).

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  18. Hi Sue!
    I am giddy with excitement that you are back!
    About the airplane thing. At least your husband says something positive like "Your'e alive." We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon, and somewhere over the ocean we encountered some pretty scary turbulance. My husband leans over and says to me "Don't worry dear, just keep in mind that your seat cushion may be used as a floatation device."

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  19. Al Christensen11:22 AM

    Sounds like you need to get horizontal when you fly. Sleep through the whole thing.

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  20. Hi! I found your blog on the SAME DAY you decided to take a hiatus. Talk about tragedy. I love reading about your crazy, it makes me feel better about my much bigger, scarier crazy:) When I was younger, I thought I would die on my 18th birthday. Since I manage to survive that, I'm sure that I'll die before 30. Anyway, thanks for the funny...

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  21. I am glad to see you back!
    Thank you for your comment. Please pass my email address along to Diana.

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  22. I checked your blog this morning, and there weren't any comments yet...now, 3 hours later there are 21. YOu still got it! I'm glad to see you are back. I checked everyday waiting.

    Mark does the jumpy thing after he falls asleep, too. It drives me nuts & scares the crap out of me!

    I remember driving with you to United Title & freaking out (on the inside. I was new to the family & couldn't let you know I was in fear). You were gutsy! Funny how things like that change.

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  23. I think you ARE crazy!
    Welcome back to bloggersville!

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  24. Maddison2:22 PM

    So glad you're back, Sue! I've just not had as many laughs in my day without you! :D
    I too have the jumpy thing and I don't like it because it wakes me up and it's harder for me to fall asleep then. And on imagination, I THINK those things but can't really bring myself to ACT them out - wimpy, I know. Oh well, glad you're happy to blog again!

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  25. Ah! I missed you! I am so with you on #1 (especially after watching LOST and other plane crashy things.) And I do #6 too.

    My husband falls asleep within seconds too, and he does the jumpy thing. It drives me crazy. It takes me forever to fall asleep. Jerks.

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  26. You're back! Yay! I was stooping to checking out TMZ because I had no new Sue blogs to read. I fall asleep too fast, too. Every time we turn on a movie, I have to be sitting bolt upright, or I will be out within the first ten minutes. We categorize movies according to the ones I've seen the end of and the ones I haven't. The second list is much, much longer. And I'm glad you play out little dramas, because I do it too! Except mine is more of a practice interview for when I'm on Oprah promoting the little independent movie my hubby wrote and I starred in that accidentally hit it big. Yeah, I need a hobby.

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  27. Welcome back to your bloggy home! Would it make you feel better or worse to know that I have made up all kinds of stories about why you disappeared. Most of them really sad, like your kid got cancer, or your husband left you, or you all lost your jobs and can't afford the internet anymore, sad, tragical kinds of stories.
    Quirky yes, but also smart and funny.

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  28. Finished my assignment, and thank you so much for tagging me. I felt like a superstar had chosen me to be her personal assistant for the day.

    YOU=Julia Roberts
    ME=Some weird chick who is Julia Roberts' assistant for the day, but no one really knows her name because she is, after all, not Julia Roberts.

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  29. Yay! You're back! Oh bliss! Oh procrastination! Oh humor! How I've missed your writing.

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  30. P.S. Sue...if you like meme's, you'll love me :P I tagged you for one over at my blog :D

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  31. oh Sue, not only was I laughing so hard and so loud that my husband came in to see what was up, but then I made him read it and he just confirmed with every statement he read- I am YOU! He kept saying "That's you!", except the last one- thats some serious skillage, I can't even make up a lame fairytale for my girls, much to their disgust.
    oh and Im not exactly you in #3, im the other person and let me say,
    i will feel so much better now, knowing who I flipping off on the freeway. :)

    LOVE YA!!!

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  32. You're back!!!!!!!!!!
    Too funny!
    #6 is quirky? Shoot. Maybe that's why I get the weird stares in Wal-Mart.

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  33. Welcome back...LOVED your post!

    I was cracking up, because I am so much like this about flying and about thinking up worst case scenarios and just being SURE they will come true. Sure, even though 99.9% of my worries never come to pass. But where it involves my hubby and my boys, I get overdramatic.

    MOST especially when it could mean my children didn't know I loved them *sniff, sniff*, and usually going so far as to thinking up my children's future after my death, with my husband, grieving my death, falling for some young, lithe bimbo that offers him her ample, perky bosom, er, shoulder to cry on, and then heartlessly remarries (her of all people!) and she promptly throws away everything that ever belonged to me, including the armoire full of scrapbooks I have labored on these many years...and once again we are back to my original teary saga of my sons never knowing their mommy loved them! *blubbering and trying to catch my breath again after prolonged sobbing*

    Anyway, I hope you don't mind me leap-bogging off your post, but I'm suddenly feeling inspired (after days of feeling so NOT inspired to blog)...about the flying incident of 99 that nearly sent me to an early grave...

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  34. Laylabean1:27 AM

    Number 4!! My husband does that and it drives me totally bonkers! How can someone fall asleep so fast? I think it must be narcolepsy.

    Does your husband poke your side and cough in your ear and sometimes run his hands under cold water and then touch your neck to get you to wake up? No? Just me? Okaaaay then.

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  35. Glad you came back so that I could read more of your stuff! :o)

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  36. Yay, you're back! I love your quirky things. I do the jumpy thing while I'm sleeping, too. I also am always thinking I'm going to die (or someone I love). I have to tell everyone I love them everytime they leave the house because if they die in a terrible car crash or a plane falls on them, I would have missed my LAST CHANCE to tell them I love them.

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  37. Welcome back!

    So, when you write the farewell letter to your family, do you just use the same one over and over or do you tear up the old one after your trip and write a new one the next time?

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  38. Even if you take a year off I'm never taking you off my bloglines list.

    Looooove the quirkiness, babe!

    p.s. Amber at www.soggycheerios.com is trying to get some Utah bloggers together for some girl time - thought I'd give you a heads up. Cheers!

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  39. Apparently you haven't lost much of your blog traffic.

    Good to see you again.

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  40. Jen, I totally write a new one. It's actually sort of a good exercise. Helps me remember why I love them.

    Holly, are you implying I wasn't a good driver? I'm so offended. Ha. Yeah, I wasn't a good driver.

    Again, I love you guys. So awesome.

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  41. Um, that last one? Can you YouTube the next story please? I'm so sick of basketball and hockey. I need something new to watch.

    Kthxbai.

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  42. oh good, you're not dead

    i was worried

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  43. It's especially funny that your husband couldn't come up with any of those. Not that they're really that weird or anything... I do all those (#2 made me snort, but I really do imagine all those things) but my #6 includes operatic singing. Yes, I sing the stories. Sometimes I just use old stories, like Goldilocks. But I sing them like a Prima Donna. Sometimes, if my kids are at home and I start doing it, I can get them to sing our conversations.

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  44. I'm so glad you are back!!!!!!!

    I do 1 and 2 and 6. I always envision things in my head and make up complete scenarios, always with an ending. Usually of me practically being a saint and everyone else thinking so. I can dream, can't I??!?!?

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  45. It was so fun to read a new post. Thanks for making me laugh!

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  46. Oh my GOSH, you're funny.
    I am always convinced that I am GOING TO DIE when I get in the car, even if it's just to drive to the grocery store. And I'm so convinced that I'm going to die that I instantly become a much nicer mother, because If I Die, I want my kids to remember me as the kind, loving mother I surely was.
    Ha.

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  47. Too funny!!

    Glad to see you back.

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  48. Yeah, you're back. And from the look of comments, it doesn't seem like you lost any traffic, not that you cared.

    I actually love the idea of writing my kids a "goodbye" note, just in case. I think I will do that, and one to my hubby. Maybe just on the computer and then someone can find it. Good idea.

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  49. Well I like the way you sound. Quirky is better than boring!

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  50. Nicole (canadacole)10:51 AM

    I'm so, so glad you're back!

    #5 is so sweet. Absolutely it should still be happening. Sign of a healthy marriage I say (but who am I?)

    And the letters. I write long, heartfelt, elaborate ones in my head. Often while in the shower or driving (which explains why I'm not such a great driver). I think I may finally write some of them down now that you've inspired me. Because you're right...tomorrow I may DIE!

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  51. Dang! Compulsive Writer beat me to it.
    I'm doing the snoopy happy dance to see ya blogging again.

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  52. i always think the Spirit is telling me MY plane is going to crash too. There have been a couple of times I've contemplated standing up and yelling that "I want to get off!"

    you make me laugh sue. all of it. all of you. love it. love you.

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  53. okay, and driving around the block to finish another chapter?! that's funny.


    i hope you're writing these dramatic tales of woe down...?

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  54. I still do that jumpy thing too when I'm falling asleep and my daughter does it (she's 9). I had a boyfriend who would count. Once I did the "jumpy thing" three times, he could go to sleep because he knew I was done.

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  55. Yeah, I have the plane thing too. I'm so impressed at your big long break. What willpower for someone who has so many stories to tell herself.

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  56. Yay! Your'e back.
    I am so impressed that you have FAMILY posting on your blog.

    What is wrong with us? I also live another life when I am alone. An exciting, enchanted but sometimes tragic life. I am me, but glorified and magnificent or very sickly and tragically beautiful.
    #1 I don't do. Kind of hard to do that after traveling as much as I did. But I did make up stories about my fellow passengers. I love to people watch and can make up a sordid story about anyone.
    #3 I do, but only when it suits me. Other times I am hell on wheels. Depends on who I am that day. Watch out!
    Love You!

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  57. Sometimes I make myself cry.

    Oh, good. I thought I was the only one. Now I don't feel like such a dork.

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  58. two things:
    1) thank you for giving me a good laugh every time i read your blog!

    2) i actually had an elderly neighbor who had a stroke whilst giving herself an enema........

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  59. Anonymous3:16 PM

    You should write a book! I'm telling you, I've never laughed so hard in all my life. I love your honesty. Here's one way to earn some dough!

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  60. Oh my good gravy. Number six - yes. All the time. Why can I always cry like this for my stupid stories while I empty the dishwasher, but not in an audition?

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