Tuesday, January 08, 2008

They Are So Going To Take Away My Chick Card

Pin It So... Shoes. I’m afraid I don’t understand the whole shoe thing. I know that a lot of women love shoes, buy lots of them, covet more of them, and - I really don’t get it. They’re JUST SHOES. They cover your feet. You step on them. They protect your feet from snow and dog poop and dirt and pokey things. I’ve tried really hard to understand (and yet I still really don’t understand) what makes one pair of shoes cute and another ugly.

I don't get purses either, for that matter. My family had a white elephant gift exchange on Christmas Eve. You could contribute a joke item or a nice item, as long as it was under the price limit. The item I opened was a purse. I opened it and stared at it, because I had no idea if it was supposed to be a cute purse or a joke purse. I didn’t know how to react. Should I laugh? Should I be happy? So I looked around at the other girls in the circle who all made encouraging faces at me and said, “Oh – SO CUTE!” and then I pretended like I understood and enthusiastically said, “Yes, very cute, very cute.” I traded it a minute later for two photo albums and an iTunes gift certificate.

But I need new shoes. I really do. The dog chewed up my one pair of appropriate for winter church shoes and next week it's either fuzzy slippers or tennis shoes if I don't do something soon. Specifically, I would like boots. Looking around at church on Sunday I realized that 95% of the women in the room were wearing boots. And I thought - this is like a post-Christmas miracle, a sign from God that, yes indeed, boots were the way to go. He hath allowed mine eyes to temporarily discern shoe related fashion trends, and I have no choice but to take heed.

I don’t have any boots, unless you count short boots you wear under jeans, and my friend Liza recently told me that not only shouldn’t I count them, but really, I should burn them and never buy another pair ever, ever, ever again. And I’m thinking, "O.k., if ankle boots are ugly, why do they sell them?" Is there a crafty shoe designer out there saying, “Ha ha ha ha ha, I know these are butt ugly, but some loser will see them and buy them, and then everyone else will point and laugh. That’ll be awesome.” Why are they trying to trick me into looking dumb?

And I don’t even know, maybe Liza is wrong and they really ARE cute. I mean, who decides what makes it cute? Four teenagers named Chelsea at Hot Topic who quickly spread the word amongst their fashionista friends? And what if they're just messing with us? How can we know for sure that the shoes are cute and we haven't just all been suckered? HOW CAN WE KNOW? For example, look at these Balenciaga DESIGNER shoes! JUST LOOK AT THEM! What in the -


I would buy my shoes at Nordstroms, where the clerks tend to help you out and let you know what looks nice and what looks stupid, but I’m way too intimidated by the shoe department there. Back when we had actual money (oh, money, how I miss you) I would buy clothes there but could never bring myself to buy shoes. The shoe people frightened me. I was too scared to do much more than very quickly walk by the displays, sometimes twice but at full speed, not making eye contact with anyone. "Who, me, buy shoes? Oh, no, I'm much too busy walking around here, no, don't look at me, don't look at me, DON'T LOOK AT ME - Ayeeeee!!!" So I won't be shopping there. Plus I'm broke. DANG it.

That brings me to my other criteria… I need them to be, and this is key, cheap. I’m thinking I would gladly pay approximately two dollars.

No, I’m kidding. I would gladly pay three dollars.

O.k., FINE. I’ll pay more than that. But, when I’m talking about cheap, I just want you to understand the level of cheapness I’m talking about. Cheap. Cheap but cute. And quite obviously, I will need help figuring out what is cute, and what is not cute, and what is crossing the line into tacky, and what will make me look like I just came from a rodeo.

So – help me?

Please?

P.S. I have ginormous calves. GINORMOUS.

P.P.S. (You guys, thank you so much for all of the nice comments on the last post. They really made my day. I was waiting for everyone to call me nuts, and instead you are all just - awesome and real. And I would answer back to every comment saying, thank you, thank you, but that would get really boring for you to read. But thank you. I really do read and LOVE every comment to pieces. Ahem.)

77 comments:

  1. You have a chick card? Dude.

    I bought boots this year. On sale from Hanna Andersson. They fit really well on the calf that is about half its normal size due to my long rehab from surgery. The other one is kind of tight.

    I never know what's in style either. I didn't buy shoes for an entire decade (90's) because I thought ALL the shoes looked so ugly. Now I just look for shoes that look vaguely orthopedic and hope for the best. Because those stiletto heel things that everyone wears on Sex And The City? Have "Falling Down The Stairs" written all over them.

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  2. I'm exactly the same way - I just don't get the shoe thing. I did buy new shoes a couple of years ago (the kind with a criss-cross strap over the top of the foot), but they weren't as comfortable as the black loafers I've had since 1998, so I never wear them.

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  3. Where is Stacy London when we need her? I also need boots...cute, Churchy, but good for the three feet of snow that we've accumulated. Lack of shoe understanding must be another inherited trait. Or maybe no one knows, and some are just better than others at looking around and saying, "cute, cute, cute." I don't get it.

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  4. I could have written this post. Except mine wouldn't be funny, cuz I'm not you. And to make matters worse, I wear a size 10-and-a-half. No one makes a ten-and-a-half. After size 10, they only make whole sizes. It's awful.

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  5. Well, I am of the shoe-loving clan. So much so that, for our fifth anniversary, my husband bought me a sizable gift certificate to my favorite shoe store.

    Not that this makes me an expert, mind you — I just like to buy them. Ditto purses.

    Still, lack of expertise has never stopped from giving advice before!

    First of all, these are the boots you need:
    http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/32689003/c/72.html

    Basic color, heel not too high, toes squared off (how much is up to you). They apparently make them in "wide calf" widths. Every dang shoe store on the PLANET has a variation on this, with higher or lower heels, more square/more pointy toes, but it's essentially the same shoe. Just find the iteration of the style that you can walk in and you're golden.

    The problem with boots, as you will see when you click on the link, is that they quickly head northwards of $100.

    However, there are ways to finesse this.

    How do you feel about fake leather? If it doesn't bother you, check out these from Aerosole, which are on sale: http://www.aerosoles.com/product1.asp?P=RISKYPIZNESS

    Their stuff generally looks decent-to-great depending on the shoe, and the nice thing about black is it hides a multitude of sins when it come to faux leather.

    Do you have DSW where you live? https://www.dswshoes.com/home.jsp
    I have scored $160 boots for $40 there.

    I also like Aldo. These ones are one sale right now and have the added bonus of having a sole with a good tread:
    http://www.aldoshoes.com/eng/storeSection/redirect.cfm?sectionID=b2c/style/productDetails.cfm&itemID=66840029&&var=d&ckey=US&colorid=22

    I got a real leather pair there at the end of the season last year for $50.

    What you should not do, in my opinion, is go to a cheapy store like Payless. Don't get me wrong, Payless rocks for sandals and such, but the way to save money on boots is to find a good brand on sale.

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  6. OMG, that was such a book. Sorry.

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  7. I'm sorry I can't be much help. By the time I actually get that those certain shoes are in style and I go buy some thinking that for some reason they are not ugly anymore, then the style changes to something else crazy!

    I need some of those boots that are back in style. When I saw someone wearing a pair I pointed them out to my 12-year-old and laughed telling her about how they were in style when I was in junior high. Why would someone still be wearing them. Why would EVERYONE be wearing them again? My daughter tells me they are cute and I have finally relented that they are indeed cute again and that I need some too. Go figure!

    Good luck!

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  8. I don't get the purse thing - I mean, you just carry them.

    But the shoe thing? Well, I LOVE LOVE LOVE shoes. I could be one of those celebrity types with a room full of shoes, if I had the money and my husband wouldn't go crazy.

    With shoes, the thing for me is that they can completely dress up an outfit (think heeled boots with dark jeans), or dress down an outfit (think athletic shoes with jeans). Two completely different outfits, with just a change of shoes. And I feel so different wearing nice heeled boots with jeans (stylish), compared to a pair sneaks (messy).

    And, one thing I read about the love of shoes is SO true, they look pretty much the same no matter if you feel/look fat or thin! You never own fat shoes or thin shoes. That is a very cool factor!

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  9. Great comments - so helpful. I'm rather with you on the shoes. I want something neutral I don't have to think about I can wear with pretty much anything. That having been said, though, I have a pair of black boots with a stacked heel and they are comfy. Wear them all the time, only I've had them for three years and they're falling apart. Alas. I have been needing, actually NEEDING, to go boot shopping for months but I hate shopping so I haven't.

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  10. And also, some famous person said that anything you really love never goes out of style.

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  11. You know Sue, I just love you more and more. I too, am not a real girl, since I don't get the shoe thing. I have my birkenstocks for the summer and my all weather moccs, black, for the winter and besides some brown and black and beige dress up shoes, that is all. Moving to Utah has helped. While living in Cali, my winter shoes consisted of my birkenstocks with socks.
    You should go check out http://mrsfigby.typepad.com/lettersfromthezoo/
    Her Nov archives include a shoe a day, and there were some boots in there. If I had to vote for a fashionista, she would be the one!
    Princess has the same calf problem as you. My calves are trim and purty, hers? Well, she got them from Bald Man's side of the family and sturdy horse comes to mind when I think of them.

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  12. Okay, so here I am officially de-lurking. Didn't want to creep anyone out.

    I must confess that I am one of those people that wears sneakers with jeans almost every day. Except on Sundays. I have really cute Sunday shoes--heels, straps, the whole shabang. Of course, they aren't so cute when you're walking to Church because it's too close to drive but they haven't put in a sidewalk yet so you're walking in heels in slippery slush while your husband waits at the other end of the slush for you to catch up.

    So, I think the boots are a great idea. One I should probably look into myself. That or galoshes to cover my cute Sunday shoes while I'm walking in the slush. Do they make galoshes for heels?

    Great blog!

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  13. Okay...I love shoes, but I don't get the purse thing. I'm fine with one purse to last me all year long and in to the next 4 or 5 years. I don't get the switching of purses to match your outfit. TOO MUCH MONEY. Anyways, I have a friend that buys super cute shoes at Target. Also there is a store called DSW that sells shoes a bit cheaper and they have a sale rack you could look at as well.

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  14. Forget that I was ever "The Haymonds." Lame-o.

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  15. I don't get the purse thing either. I carry a very tomboy looking Ogio messenger bag.

    Shoes--I like, but only on my terms. (How's that for my controlling the relationship?)

    I really like Dansko's, Borns, Merrels, and in summer, birks. It's a comfort issue due to my feet issues. They are pricey, but I have had success buying them cheaper (NEW! ONLY NEW) on ebay.

    And I also have ginormous calves, which have thus far prevented me from buying much coveted boots. If you find boots that fit ginormous calves, please share.

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  16. I don't get the purse thing either. But I do find Target to be a good source of appealing yet inexpensive shoes. And if you want to Payless, you could look there. I quit going there for several years and was pleasantly surprised upon my return.

    Good luck!

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  17. EM - you are a rock star, seriously.

    Jo, oh, I'm so with Princess on the sturdy horse calves. Even when I'm thin(nish), I have big calves. When I was thin(nish) and cute, I used to ski every weekend and I would just rent my ski boots and every single time the boot guy would be like, oh, these should fit you just fine, oh - wait - oh, hmmmm... And then they'd have to mess around with them forever just to get them to go around my freakish calves.

    I love you guys, seriously.

    Mom, here's a scary thought - we go shopping for boots TOGETHER. It'll be like the blind leading the blind. Or something.

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  18. Sue, I will gladly go shoe shopping with you. As an owner of approximately 6 pairs of boots I can say I am somewhat of an expert in this area.

    And I own a pair of ankle boots, they are cute under the right circumstances. Though I kind of feel like I should be wearing a side ponytail whenever I wear them.

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  19. I'm with ya on the shoe thing. I'd rather wear my crocs all winter than buy new shoes. But my teen girls will sometimes go shoe shopping with me and tell me what's cute.

    Ok what they actually tell me is on a scale of 1-10 how awful is the one I like. I think they throw an "old woman" fudge factor in there.

    At Ross we find some pretty good stuff ( I mean like only a 4 on the awful scale) for a really great price.

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  20. I also would like some boots appropriate for Church, etc. But everything I see in stores have 5" stilletto heels. Yea, fashionable, cute and cool. But, guys, how can a person walk in ice, snow and slush and not fall on their butt wearing those things?? My husband is in the Bishopric of a YSA Ward. So I see a lot of gals with a great shoe wardrobe. However, I didn't understand the young lady who sat next to me last Sunday. It was a blizzard outside (almost whiteout) and she was wearing the above described stilletto boots. How did she get from the parking lot to the building?

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  21. Oh, I just got it. Those boots with 5" stilletto heels are not really meant for the practical purpose of personal safety and warmth while navigating 8" of snow and ice. Now that I think about it the young lady in our ward probably had her boyfriend carry her from parking lot to the front door of the building. There is really no other way she could have make it with out falling down. Either that, or she has some special power that keeps her upright in the above mentioned conditions.

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  22. I want to go shoe shopping with everyone. Don't forget me.

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  23. I'm fashion challenged. Shoes baffle me. Boots never fit me because I have cankles. There is no distinction between where the ankle ends and where the calf begins. I can't help you at all in the footwear department, but I can definitely sympathize with you, if that helps.

    Purses? Just give me something functional that can carry all my stuff and last for several years before it wears out.

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  24. Why don't you ask one of those Chelsea girls at Hot Topic to help you?

    They know everything!

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  25. Oi, so with you on the shoes thing. I don't get it either. Purses are growing on me, but I'm still a bit of a neophyte.

    I recommend the sketchers mary jane style shoes. Good arch support, super comfy, sneakerish but dressy as well. Expensive, but mine have lasted me two years. Love, love, love 'em.

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  26. I found and love the pair of boots that I wear, almost daily, at Payless a couple of years ago. And, AND, they zip around my ginormous calves. I would definitely try there, and around my neck of the woods, they're starting to mark down the "winter" stuff!

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  27. Forget the boots... I love simple flats... it drives my DH crazy because in 10 degree weather I wear my flats... yes- I slip sometimes.. but it is worth the comfort... and I like to pretend it is not so d*** cold and ugly out there!

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  28. I am fashion-sense constipated. I have a tough time finding shoes that I like... I think I like the clunky shoes best, even though they are no longer "in"... I recently discovered Keens, and they do make a cute (I think) maryjane... looks cute on other people anyway. So I totally sympathize with you.

    Purses aren't my bag either. I rely on my sister's to guide me...

    But here's a link I thought might give you a chuckle. Fuggly Muggly shoes... and get this- I actually sorta want to try 'em out!

    http://www.riversportsoutfitters.com/istar.asp?a=6&id=W112!VIBRA&csurl=%2Fistar%2Easp%3Fa%3D3%26dept%3D01%26manufacturer%3DVIBRA%26sortby%3D%26numperpage%3D15%26

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  29. do you have a payless shoe store by you?

    There you can usually get mildly fashinable shoes for CHEAP and sometimes get a second pair for 1/2off or free...wooot!

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  30. Those. . shoes. . . oh my . .

    I just can't imagine anyone buying them. And who could wear such a high heeled monstrosity? What would you wear that could possibly look good with those shoes?

    That has made my day.

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  31. I don't get shoes and purses either. Seems like an extremely huge waste of money to own lots of either item! LOL But I'm cheap too, and maybe that's my problem. AND, I don't get the latest fashions either, so would never dream of spending money TRYING to be fashionable. I'd end up looking like a clown or something.

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  32. hayngrl - I have two pairs of Keen Mary Janes (red and black). I love them!! Best fitting, most comfortable shoes I've ever put on. I will wear them until they are falling apart and then bemoan the fact that Keen isn't making them anymore.

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  33. Check out Payless shoes for boots. I bought mine there this time last year and they were cheap because they're getting ready for the spring styles in January of course! The pros of boots--they keep your feet and legs warm, but the big one for me, I don't have to bother shaving my legs and no one's the wiser!

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  34. I get shoes.

    I love shoes.

    Shoes ALWAYS fit even if you are fatty this week and skinny the next.

    While I am always about leather over pleather, if you have large calves, faux is your friend. Look for words like "stretch" when looking for boots. "Extended" calves can be nice, but sometimes they either don't fit or they're UGLY.


    My new favorite shoe obsession: endless.com. They need me to pay me for shilling for them because I seem to be doing it lately. First, the shoes are inexpensive, but not cheap quality. Second, they are doing *negative* overnight shipping right now, which means they will pay you 5 bucks and still ship your shoes overnight.

    YOU will appreciate the search narrowing and the cool way they have categorized their shoes.
    Boots for you:
    Stretch matte
    If you think you can walk in them, HOTT
    Very cute.

    Don't get me started on purses, mmmmmmmmm YES!

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  35. I do love shoes, but have a hard time ever deciding on a pair that I think are cute. I am so in need of new shoes also and I have looked several times and come home with nothing. So frustrating!
    I have been told that now is the time to buy boots because most likely they will be on sale or clearance. (Maybe that is just in Vegas.) I am looking for some black ones, if you find any while doing your search, let me know.
    Purses are really not my thing either. I wouldn't mind having a "cute" purse, but I usually don't know where to begin looking. Sorry I'm not much help, but I'm glad I am not the only one with these struggles. :)

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  36. I have to disagree about the taboo on Payless thing. I got some ROCKIN' boots there. And while I am notably a fashion idiot, I like my boots. I look hot in boots. Don't mess with my boots, baby.

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  37. Oh, and the whole "how does she walk in the ice and snow with stelletos" thing? You dig those heels in the ice, man. Those babies are like ice picks. I've never slipped in my boots on ice. And they are wicked high. That's why I married a tall guy :)

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  38. You are a blogging goddess. I came across your blog last night and I have now spent 3 blissful hours reading your old posts and the comments and even a few link to other blogs. I think its finally time for me to drag myself away from the computer, rescue my children from Nick Jr., actually get dressed and get on with my day. Thank you for providing some much-needed "me" time. (I'm sure my children, laundry pile, and sink of dirty dishes will all recover from the neglect eventually.)

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  39. I heart shoes. Love them, lurve them.

    Purses, not so much. I have a cute one I got at Target, and the lining is coming off at the bottom ,but I don't care, because it's big enough to hold my water bottles and not look like a diaper bag. That is my requirement for purses.

    OK, back to SHOES. I love them so much. I love Payless. It is my friend. I also love TJMaxx for their shoes. You can get great brands their for way cheap. I had to be educated on what the great brands were, though, since I haunt Payless. So I will pass on my knowledge.

    Great brands that you should never pay full price for, but will last forever and will be cute:

    BCBG also known as BCB Girls. AWESOME.

    Cole Haan.

    Etienne Aigner.

    Steve Madden.

    Steve Madden also has great boots, if that is what you are looking for. Buy shoes off season, and you can get awesome deals. And TJ Maxx is my friend. Did I mention TJMaxx?

    DSW is also great.

    But really, I heart Payless. Really, I do. Most of my shoes are from there.

    I have some warm skechers boots, bought specifically for when I go to cold places. I also have some of those mary janes from skechers, which are great, especially for where I live.

    Find someone who is a shoe fanatic, and take her shopping. I'll gladly fly up and go with you. I wish.

    I need new shoes.

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  40. I do not get the shoe thing either. I buy them because I have too. They only shoe I like are flip flop, cute ones. I do not own a pair of boots but I always see other people in them that look cute, but not me. I do not like short boots either.
    I am sorry I am no help, but good luck boot shopping.

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  41. I buy maybe one pair of shoes a year, usually crocs. I wear black clogs everyday in the winter and black crocs every day in the summer. But I have gone into "Forever Young Shoes" in University Mall and purchased 2 pair of cute cheap shoes for church. I am sure they have boots. I too have thought about venturing into the boot stage. Everyone who wears them looks so fashionable and stylish. I need that. But then I would need to buy a skirt to go with them, and that is a whole other dilemma!

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  42. Oh, how I feel your pain! It took me 25 YEARS to find a pair of boots that would fit over my father's calves...er, i mean, my father's calves on my VERY FEMALE body. (Oh, the shame. One of my friends once promised me that when I found a husband, he would think my calves were cute. I've been married for two years. I asked him. My friend was wrong.)

    ANYHOW, all that to say...I finally found boots that were just run of the mill, plain, not trendy, black boots at Bass. They were on sale, too - you might want to check at your local Outlet mall? Nordstrom Rack always has boots, but...it's a crap shoot to find some that will zip over lovely calves like ours. ;-) You can check out shoes.com or zappos.com for some ideas. Good luck!

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  43. I have lots of shoes. I can't possibly ever wear all of the shoes (or purses) I have - but I have them nonetheless! If you want cheap shoes, go to Target, Walmart, Ross, Payless or Marshalls. good luck. Kellan

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  44. Sue, I used to not love shoes because, hello, they're just shoes. I fear I am becoming a bona fide GIRL, though, because I find myself loving them. Especially boots. With my newbie shoe love and my insane cheap/broke-ness, I may be able to help you (although you've gotten some good help already).

    First rule: Never, never, NEVER buy chunky shoes. Especially if you don't like your calves. Chunky shoes just add visual weight. Pointy toes do not. Square toes are "out", but they'll probably be back in a few weeks, then out again, then in again...

    Second rule: Never, never, NEVER pay full price. I have 2 pairs of boots. I bought one 5 years ago for about 25% off and the second pair last winter for 60% off (they were only $28!!!) at... wait for it... Sears. Yeah. Who knew you could find cute boots at Sears? Well, you can. (Or else the shoe gods were being really really nice to me.) Right now is a good time to go boot shopping. I also love the shoe department at Burlington Coat Factory. I've bought fancy schmancy shoes there really cheap.

    Third rule: It doesn't matter if Chelsea or Mr. Blackwell or anyone else says they're cute or not cute, if you don't love it (in your case I suppose we'll settle for like since you don't have love for the shoes), don't buy it.

    Those are my cardinal shoe shopping rules. The last one goes for all shopping. I gave up on the whole "is this cute? is it in style?" thing a while back and just started buying what I liked. I may not be fashion plate, but I like my clothes. And hey, if they're that bad, maybe someone will submit me to "What Not to Wear"!

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  45. Oh, and don't buy crocs. EVER.

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  46. I am a lurker too, but as a "fat calf friend" I had to respond.

    Go with stretchy boots. Nordstrom rack you can order online. I really liked these (sorry for the split link, I don't know how to make fancy links):
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2940222/
    0~2376778~2372808~6007659~6011961
    ?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category
    &searchtype=&pbo=6011961&P=1

    I also agree with DSW. Awesome store.

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  47. Zappos.com or Target. Rack Room, if you have it out your way.

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  48. I hear you. I spend all my time in church checking out what everyone wears, because I never know what goes with what else when I am in the store. So, I spent all fall doing my research and figured out that people wear fancy black slacks with mid-calf black boots. (How do women know this sort of stuff automatically?) Then I went to Kohl's and found some mid-calf boots and some slacks and a pretty blouse that I can wear outside the slacks to hide my tummy (have to buy it all at once, or you never get a complete outfit) - I was so proud of myself! I wore the outfit to every single function I had to go to in December. Because I couldn't expend the brain cells (or the money) to purchase another one.

    I like boots because I hate having my toes squished. There are some decent, fairly inexpensive square-toed boots out there right now. Get some!

    I'm still trying to figure out the skirt thing, though. I have a great skirt that I bought that I haven't been able to wear because the boots that go higher are ridiculously skinny (and I don't have fat calves!). Or pointy. Or stiletto-y. So I'm sort of stuck on that one. Maybe in another year or so...

    So glad to read that there are other women out there that are fashion-challenged....

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  49. So I tried all the links from elizasmom and the one from Aldo came back with "Style doesn't exist." How did they know I have no style? Seriously, this internet can get downright freaky sometimes!

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  50. HA! There are other women out there to don't get the shoe thing! I thought I was alone! Well, cheap and comfortable never seem to go together. I don't even really care about cute anymore, just make them not hurt after standing in them for 45 minutes! Please!

    Sigh.

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  51. Wow! Those shoes are butt ugly but I bet if you were wearing them no one would notice your calves!

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  52. Listen-Payless is the way to go. They follow the current fashion trends but keep it cheap.
    Also, I'm with you on the purse thing. They're a necessary evil.

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  53. So, I can't help you with the shoe thing, feel your pain though. I wear mine till thy are holey and my mother tells me to throw them out. (I am 32, it's rather sad that she has to conduct shoe intervention). Then I slink into payless, grab the first thing that is cheap and doesn't look like an instrument of torture and get the heck outta there.
    Killed myself laughing though!

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  54. don't get the shoe thing either. and totally with barb, I don't think I bought shoes except for plain old heels and clogs since 1995 until I finally caved in and started buying cheap shoes at payless. i like zappos too though.

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  55. indeed my name is chelsea, however i don't work at hot topic and i can't give very good shoe advice. i like them alright, but my first choice is always flip flops. i second the notion of target for shoes, they usually fit nicely into the "i have no money for shoes" category and tend to feel somewhat stylish.

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  56. '
    If you buy crocs I will never *NEVER* talk to you again.

    First, I will show up at your house (mutely) and drag you into my car. We will drive to TJ Maxx. Through a system of hand signals and eye-flashing, I will communicate with you. You will buy 2 pairs of shoes and one pair of boots. We will drive to the Dillard's sale and you'll score one pair of heels and a great purse. If you've decided to go your way and sin no more by turning your back on crocs, I might say something to you as soon as we're done.

    Dead to me, DEAD TO ME.

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  57. Maddison9:37 PM

    I have the same affliction, except with clothes as well. I know it's very unwomanly of me, but I actually HATE shopping. I really do. So I have my husband pick out my clothes; I guess this is mainly because I suffer from inability to make a decision. But you know what I do in times of need, I go classic. I have a nice pair of Maryjane shoes in brown and black and two pairs of boots, brown and black. Even though I would love to have more, fashionable shoes, I just stick to those. They work for me! :-)

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  58. Maddison9:39 PM

    P.S.
    I too am low on funds so I just bought them when I could because they last for years - I've had my Maryjanes for 6 years and they're still in good condition.

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  59. You know what bugs me about some shoes? Toe cleavage. I HATE TOE CLEAVAGE.

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  60. The extent of my shoe knowledge is get one black pair and one brown pair. This way you can rotate to match your outfit. At times I can almost hear the snickers of more shoe-savvy women all around me.

    BTW I'm new to your blog (found it via That Chick Over There) - I'm going to read some of the older posts, the ones I read so far are hilarious.

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  61. I love shoes! Marshalls, TJ Maxx and Ross usually have good shoes for cheap. Good luck!

    I agree with those who said "no crocs!" Yuck.

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  62. Ditto. That's all I can say.

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  63. And one more thing. Back when I had cute shoes before I had 4 kids and my foot grew a full size, I LOVED Journeys Shoes.

    http://www.journeys.com/

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  64. I think this is a sign. I was coming here to tell you about the Hanna Andersson boots I bought on sale last week and I see the first commenter bought the same.

    Shoes & purses - I am so there and it's because it's much more fun than buying clothes when you're overweight. I feel like I've treated myself (BECAUSE I DESERVE IT, thankyouverymuch!) and no matter how my weight fluctuates, my shoes still fit.

    And the boots I bought? I have nothing to wear with them, but I too, have noticed that everyone wears boots. Brown boots actually, but I forced myself to get black since all my skirts are black.

    Let us know what you end up with.

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  65. All of these comments make me sad. I didn't know I knew anyone who didn't love shoes. Sue, we must go shopping together. Between me and Azucar, we will convert you, I'm sure.

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  66. We have a store near us that sells sample shoes. They are often dirt cheap. They have a clearance rack, that about twice a year will be free with any purchase. When you are only giving $10 for a pair of shoes, and then you get another free, it can be a great deal. I have gotten Jones New York and Anne Klein shoes there for less than $15. Good luck!

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  67. This is hilarious! My husband notices shoes more than I do. Only because they tend to be the strappy cute type that he asks me if I like, because he would like it if I had some like that.

    Of course, he wouldn't like the price tag.

    By the way, I'm catching up because I've been gone for a while. The "Blood clot" story is great! Although it hits too close to home, as I think I have an infection in my ear and throat. I asked my husband if he thought it would travel to my brain and I'd die. Hey, sometimes a gal just needs reassurance!

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  68. I'm still snickering over Caroline's comment. I hate toe cleavage too. It looks revolting for some reason!

    Now I know that my old square-toed ankle boots are horribly out of style. :(

    Shoes always hurt me.

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  69. I don't get the shoe and the bag thing at all either and I was so relieved to find out I'm not the only one. So, boots. I can never find them because I am a little person with a little foot, but I don't like boots with Disney princesses on them. My only choice is to wait for my DH to make a trip to South America or save up for boots my size from places I usually don't shop in that hold up one side of a mall, like Nordstroms or Dillards. I know for a fact that they have boots for people who are both small and have ginormous calves because my husband accidentally bought me some and it was a pain to return them. Notice that it's always him buying my shoes? Hoping I'll get some shoe sense? Anyhow, he brought me home some of those boots Stacy and Clinton push so heavily, you know, the ones made for people whose feet are shaped like a slice of pizza. I look so fashionable in them, but I only wear them when I know it will be less than 4 hours till I can take them off because that's about how long I can stand them. Max! Find someone who always has on nice shoes and beg them to go shopping with you.

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  70. Just wanted to post to let you know you are not the only one who is in danger of having their chick card being revoked. Shoe shops are a nightmare, and bags are over rated. And make up, I wear it, I appreciate it, but I can do without most of the shades of lip gloss that the chicks around me need.

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  71. Ok. I actually saw Beyonce wearing those heels somewhere. Well, I didn't actually see, see her. I saw it in a magazine.

    Anyway, I'm with ya on the purses and the shoes. I NEVER buy a purse unless it's like free or someone gives me one. I don't even like to carry a purse.

    Ok. When did ankle boots get ugly? HAHAHAHA

    (Ok. this has made like 3 or 4 comments tonight...Have I become stalkerish?)

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  72. I totally get you on not understanding why ladies are crazy about shoes and bags. I always want shoes that are functional and, if I'm lucky, look a little nice. And that goes with bags too - especially if they have enough space to fit all my daughter's junk on trips.

    You must check out Skechers shoes if you haven't already. They look quite good and are really good for walking :)

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  73. If you were a size 8 or 8 1/2 I have several pairs of guess you could say Sunday shoes I would be glad to ship to you. For some reason my feet have shrunk,getting old I know but if you could use them I will be happy to send.

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  74. I am sorry, I LOVE shoes. My parents were in the shoe business, and it is just in my blood. Now that I am a real adult with my own money, I DELIGHT in spending alot of money on shoes. So much so, that Peter, at Nordstrom's (or is it Paul? I can never remember, so I always call him Peter Paul & Mary. He is gay, so I think that this is ok.) anyway Peter calls me on the phone now, to let me know when there are sales. Or when something new came in that I will love. And now I love him.

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  75. Hi Sue, I'm a new stalker. It's August, not January, so obviously I've spent my morning the same way Elly did, ignoring my children, laundry and dishes (and lawn and visiting teaching and primary calling) in order to spend hours in my pajamas (in addition to being August, it is also 2:30 in the afternoon) reading your old posts. I got here thanks to my friend Nicole, who posted a link to your Phone Nemesis entry. She's infected me with the Mormon Mommy Blog illness, but somehow she always manages to surf the blogs and still vacuum her house regulary. Maybe someday I'll figure that out.

    Anyway, I like shoes, but I can't stand to buy them if they're not comfortable. Going to church in NYC as a single girl banished uncomfortable shoes from my closet. And since my feet have grown a half size with each of my three pregnancies (uh, yep, I'm old and married now), my single-girl shoe collection has pretty much departed for Goodwill. Now I buy fewer shoes, but they're more expensive because I go for the comfy Euro brands like Dansko and Clarks. Marshall's is a good place to get those less expensively, though. And outlets. Outlets are your friend. And since I've read enough of your blog to know that you're back in Utah now, head for the outlets in Draper and in Park City.

    As for purses, I openly admit to being a bag lady, and not of the "I push all my belongings around in a shopping cart" variety. Because I have three young kids and can't deal with carrying a diaper bag AND a purse at the same time, I have more diaper bags that anybody else I know. I like to switch 'em up now and then. But I'm not a daily purse changer. Too much time. If you want to look like you have more money than you do and that you're classy but not overly trendy, go to the Coach outlet and buy whatever a) is on clearance and b) will fit the stuff you regularly carry around with you. Dooney and Burke would do nicely, too. Just stay away from their "hot" lines, like the patchwork thing Coach had going last fall, and stick with something leather or with the classic monogram. And to get the most mileage, you can look for something that has black and brown, so it will match with whatever shoes you end up with. It's amazing how that little Coach hang tag can improve your standing in the eyes of true girly girls, even if you bought it at 75% off.

    P.S. Sorry for the book. I'm known for being wordy, so I'll refrain from leaving comments on every post. But just know that I've read them and you're hilarious.

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  76. I'm totally with you on the shoes and purse thing. I don't have loads of shoes and I only have one purse at a time. I'm picky about my shoes, but in a weird way. They must be comfortable and they must be cute. That's "cute" to ME; I don't really care if they are fashionable or not.

    If I have to get Sunday shoes, I have no problem with going to a thrift store and getting second-hand shoes, because I know I will spend so little time in them anyway that there won't be time for my feet to be ruined (if what the foot people say is true that used shoes ruin the feet) (I don't believe it anyway)

    The purse. It has to be something with a ton of pockets. I like a pocket for about every two or three things I carry in my purse because I hate rummaging and digging.

    Love your blog!

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  77. completely agree with you i really love shoes most of them wear black but i chose brown.

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