Monday, March 08, 2010

I Now Present: Tragic Things That Have Happened To My Hair

Pin It I was writing a post about My Weight Loss Journey Through The Years, but kept getting distracted by MY HAIR MY HAIR THE HUMANITY!

This is from my sophmore year of high school. I'm the one on the lower left who looks about 10 years old.  I'd chopped my hair from waist length to this - this - this - whatever this is right here.

I LOVED IT.

(See my friend on the right there?  She had naturally curly hair and OH how I envied it.  (Although looking at this picture, I'm not sure why. She looks completely insane.)

Next followed several years of longer hair with sticky-uppy bangs but unfortunately I can't find that photo album.  Rest assured that my hair was a fine testament to the combined power of Aquanet and a blow dryer.

I then went with The Bob for a while before switching enthusiastically to The Mushroom (aka The Salad Bowl).

This is one of my engagement photos. I believe it is probably the most literal interpretation of The Salad Bowl that has ever been seen - before or since. (I am not entirely sure WHY we are standing in a tree, and YET THE FACT REMAINS.  We are standing in a tree. Our photographer was a GENIUS.)  


Here's another one. Love how I'm rockin' the white sport socks and black shoes. (I have always been incredibly stylish, tis true.)



Here's a snapshot from my wedding day.  Notice the wedding veil comb thingy sticking out from my veil?  In every single picture taken that day, the clip is prominently featured.  I don't know why someone didn't tuck the dang thing in already. But I suppose it is sort of apt, considering my penchant for walking around with tags hanging off of my clothing, zippers undone, and mismatched shoes.  It would've been sort of fraudulent to appear totally together in my wedding pictures, don't you think?

I should note that it didn't even occur to me that I should have someone do my hair or make-up for me on My Special Day.  I just woke up an hour before we were supposed to be there, brushed it a few times and figured - hey - it would be covered up by my veil anyway. (See?  You see the many levels of fashion and beauty obliviousness we're talking about here?) 


The mushroom cut in Technicolor.  I'm not sure why I thought this was attractive.  I look like a thirteen year old boy.  (As does my husband.)



I like to call this one Vampires Having Fun With Barrettes.

(Good grief.  I am practically translucent.)


I have bajillions more, but I think have reached my Traumatic Hair Disclosure Limit for the day.

Have I helped you to feel better about yourself today?  Comparatively at least?  I HOPE SO.

And now I will go, but before I do, I will leave you with this uncomfortable little gem from last year.

I like to call it THE RETURN OF THE MUSHROOM.

ALL HAIL.


(You're welcome.)

53 comments:

  1. Nothing will keep your true love apart! Well, except for that tree.

    And I think your hair looks adorable in that last picture!

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  2. That? Was highly entertaining. You were a lovely bride. No professional hair/makeup needed. Lovely.

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  3. If that last picture is a return to the mushroom, it's more of a shiitake than a button. Your hair is much more sleek these days and not as poofy.

    (Is poofy a word? Spellcheck says no. Can we declare it a word, One True Sue?)

    The tree shot is a classic piece of art.

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  4. Oh my goodness the classic Utah engagment photos. I love them like green jello. Your absolutely darling, mushroom or no, and yes your friends hair was out of control

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  5. There is no shame in the mushroom! I've done it lots of times. Your salad bowl is really not that tragic.

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  6. Those are awesome! I have some fond Aquanet (and Dep hair gel) memories. Plus I've got a few hairdo a la Rachel from Friends (aka the shag) photos. Gotta love looking back at our style-setting days!

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  7. For shame. I will give you two dollars if you come to CBC'10 with a 'shroom cut.

    HAVE WE GOT A DEAL?

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  8. Hmm, I still think my 6th grade afro beats all of those hairdos. Not that there's anything wrong with an afro, but I'm as white as you can get without being an albino and my hair was bum length and straight before the horrific do that I begged my mom for. That's right, I MADE her take me. I was just that cool. I guess I just wanted something that would go nicely with my buck teeth. (Thankfully, I got braces and eventually the 'fro grew out...)

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  9. Yeah, you've got nothing on me. I kept getting PERMS. Top that.

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  10. Is that a....FERN between your legs?

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  11. Well OF COURSE. Where else would I put a fern?

    Duh.

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  12. We're kindred mushroom spirits. Only mine was with a perm. Ya - I kinda looked like that friend of yours in the first pic.

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  13. I like your hair in the last picture, it's cute.

    Not too long ago I had a haircut that made me look like a water buffalo.
    The mushroom isn't sounding so bad now is it?

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  14. your hair in the first picture is my hair in my wedding photos.

    And I think the mushroom cut was on-trend for the time. No worries, woman, no worries. Maybe I'll send your inbox a gem I recently found.

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  15. Better yet Clisty - POST IT ON TWITTER. OR YOUR BLOG.

    Ahhhh public humiliation...

    Come, join me.

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  16. I think I own that couch that you are sitting on with the technicolor haircut.
    And I like the last picture too.

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  17. And yet, your hair is still better than mine. Go figure.

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  18. Oh c'mon, your hair was not that bad.

    I, on the other hand, was a headbanger in high school. A HEADBANGER. There isn't enough AquaNet in the world anymore to rock out like I did back then.

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  19. You're so CUTE. Love the new do.

    I did my own hair and make-up on my wedding day too. So boring. I looked exactly the same as I do every day.

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  20. I've never heard it called the mushroom but I do think it's cute!

    And I can top your bad bowl story. My son has extremely curly hair (we don't know where he got it. Another sign he's a changeling. I know he is! Where else would I have gotten a punctual child?) We were living in Africa. We went to a local barber. I was distracted momentarily, and when I looked up I realized the guy was giving him a bowl cut and SHAVING the bottom half! He looked like a monk afterwards, except he was 8. The top half stood out in big wild curls. It was truly a terrible cut.

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  21. Now I don't feel so bad --I, too, did not think to have someone do my make-up on my day. And my hair was done very last minute by a friend. Knowing others are out makes me feel better!

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  22. The things we do to our hair. I once had a FRIEND cut my hair into a mushroom cut. At least your mushroom was even all the way 'round. And I wonder why my love life took a dive...

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  23. I like the way your hair looks in that last picture.

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  24. You're funny. And cute. I was like you on my wedding day: I got up, took a couple of immodium ad and was off!

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  25. Your hair in the last one looks just fine. The others... well, let's just move on shall we?

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  26. We all need a few bad-hair pictures in our past. That way we can fully appreciate the "good hair days" that come along.

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  27. I am in desperate need of a hair appointment. I've been dying my hair for so long that I didn't realize just how much grey had snuck in there.

    And our wedding photographer had us perched on large rocks, reaching for each other. Not only was the pose completely cheesy, but I got spiders on my wedding dress.

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  28. Your mushroom looked better than my afro. I'm just saying. (And no! I am not! sharing a photo of it.)

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  29. You may have had a mushroom in the past, but your current 'do is a WAY cute bob. I like it. It works for you.

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  30. so happens I love mushrooms.
    those were fun to see.

    I have always worn bangs....I am sick of bangs.

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  31. Uh, I looked like a transvestive in my brother's wedding photos circa 1998 when I was 15. A dude. With a bob, center part, and eyebrows that would put groucho marx to shame.

    However, match goes to Sue because I will never put that out there for the internets to see.

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  32. You know what, I'm going to give those two dollars to Azucar because her comment wins. So never you mind Sue.

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  33. I LOVE the last pic! Really cute.

    When I was 15 I had to get the Rachel. I ended up with a freaking mullet. My sister still laughs hysterically.

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  34. You can add me to those who like the cut in the last shot. And the others were cute for the times. And your wedding photo's lovely.

    In high school I had my hair in a short bob AND permed, and I have (or anyway used to have) a whole lot of hair, and I didn't have the hairdresser thin it, so it stuck out from my head in a huge watermelon-shaped wedge. I don't know if I can ever put those photos on the internet, I just don't enjoy suffering that much.

    Also, I desperately envied my sister's long wavy hair, so I have no idea why I kept cutting and perming mine.

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  35. I totally had the mushroom. Same color, same length, same...mushroom-y-ness. The last picture is cute, and not a mushroom at all! There's some layers and your hair looks good!

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  36. You looked gorgeous on your wedding day and the current "do" suits you. I like it a lot.

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  37. Never would have noticed the clip - just the happy smile.

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  38. You were beautiful then, but you're gorgeous now!

    Funny, we both took the same approach to hair and makeup on our wedding days.

    I think we even had the same haircut!

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  39. Diana H.10:22 PM

    You were a beautiful bride. No stage makeup or fancy updo needed. And I love your short hair. I wish I were so brave.

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  40. I desperately wanted the salad bowl and never got it, maybe that's a good thing.

    I did end up with the poodle-do - who perms their bangs and parts it in the middle? I looked like I had been holding one of those static globes. And I had gigantic tuxedo ruffles to boot.

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  41. The last one is nice! It's not a mushroom it's just short. My mum used to give me a bowl cut when I was little, that looked like you'd put a bowl on my head an cut around it!

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  42. I win, I had to shave my head for the second time since June, to have surgery! ha, ha!
    I had the muchroom when I got married too! Only my hair was super dark.
    I love the last picture of you, I think you are so pretty!

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  43. I like your sweater in the first picture ^o^

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  44. I actually liked your hair in several of the shots!

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  45. I am currently in a mushroom cut recovery group. It is going very well. I think I have learned that that look really isn't appealing on me. That is, until I step into my hair dresser's shop again. STOP ME NOW!!!

    P.S. The hair cut DOES flatter you. Just so you know.

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  46. This is unbelievably fabulous, so much so that you might owe me a new laptop since I spit apple cider on it when I got to the salad bowl pic. That is hott, lemme tell ya.

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  47. Your salad bowl hair is in a close running with my oft-repeated trapezoid head hairdo. I still don't understand it when I look at the photos. But I think you looked great on your wedding day. You and I had the same approach to wedding day beauty.

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  48. This was wonderful. I needed to laugh so hard that I spit coffee out of my nose, which frightened my three year old so much that she ran screaming from the room. (Actually not sure if it was the coffee-out-the-nose or the salad bowl in the tree pic?)
    Thank you. Thank you. I needed that.
    (BTW, love the new 'do. I have to say that because it looks just like mine.)

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  49. We are sitting in a tree for our engagement pictures too. Photographers have definitely gotten better over time....

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  50. Your husband is the original Edward Cullen - he took the love of his life up a tree!

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  51. Isn't it funny the things we do to ourselves just to fit in. We think we look so wonderful at the time, but then look back and think Huh? I thought that about my maternity clothes from my first pregnancy. I think - I can't believe I sat in a meeting with a huge bunny on my shirt. What was I thinking?

    The next time around, I had my Mom make all my maternity clothes in the great bold colors and designs I loved and it looked SO much better. I never understand why they want to dress the mom in pastels and baby prints like she IS the baby.

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  52. You are very brave. I have had some seriously bad hairdos that I think might even make you feel better about the salad bowl. Let's just sum it up by saying that my brother's friend asked what his brother's name was, referring to me. Of course, that may have had more to do with my flat chest than my bad James Spader hair. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

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  53. Adrian's bunny shirt comment made me laugh. Yeah- maternity clothes have come a long way!

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