Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Ginormica LIVES

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  • I've been avoiding blogging, because if I blog, it's proof I'm alive, and if I'm alive then I have to actually read my email and feel guilty for not answering it in a more timely-like fashion, and if I feel guilty then I have to eat more chocolate, and if I eat more chocolate than I have already eaten I will most likely end up in a diabetic coma.
  • I'm finally off the cursed hormones, and I feel much more like my version of normal. The hormones not only made me crazy, they also made me narcoleptic. I was falling asleep anywhere and everywhere. While sitting at a stoplight. Standing in the grocery store looking at fruit. Typing a sentence. In the middle of saying something to my husband. I could stay awake and reasonably alert around the kids for most of the day, but by dinner time I was pretty much done. It wasn't all that uncommon for my husband to come home after work and find me dead asleep, sprawled on the hardwood floor in the kitchen, the kids running around scavenging for food and generally recreating scenes from Lord of the Flies.
  • I'm at that stage where nothing fits very well, but I'm still resisting maternity pants in favor of sweats and really baggy jeans. The baby is only about the size of a cantaloupe right now, but I do not let this define the size of my stomach. I like to stay ahead of the pregnancy fashion curve (why look five months pregnant when you can look seven? Tres fashion forward).

    With all of my other pregnancies I've been pretty careful about gaining weight. I didn't need to be any heavier than I was already, thankyouverymuch - but this time around instead of feeling responsible and excited and careful, I've tended more towards feeling completely freaked out and a little depressed, and I ditched my usual cautionary weight gain attitude in favor of SCREW IT, pass the ice cream.

    I am GINORMOUS. (We took the kids to see Monsters vs. Aliens on Saturday afternoon. The female monster's name was Susan and her monster name was Ginormica, and I decided it was probably a sign from God, telling me it was inevitable and to just go with it for a couple of months.)
  • I was blathering to my husband about camping this summer - maybe we could take the kids to the Grand Canyon, or maybe to Yellowstone, or - and my husband had to remind me about the baby, and the possible-but-not-certain early delivery issue. I just keep forgetting about the dang baby. I never forget the PREGNANCY, but I space the resulting baby. The reality of the baby still seems like some kind of elaborate April Fools prank.
  • The doctor says I should be able to carry the baby all the way through to September, or maybe August, or possibly July. She would narrow it down a little, but it all just kind of depends on "how much your uterus rips and how likely spontaneous uterine rupture looks after each visit." But she says not to worry because they'll "keep an eye out." PHEW.
  • The kids all mistakenly stayed home from school today. I pulled up the April school lunch menu online and it said "No School - Professional Development Day." I naively assumed this meant no school. But later, when we were driving by the school on our way to the plant nursery, and I realized that all of the other children in the universe were at school. WELL. Then I realized that it must've meant something else. Something more mysterious.

  • Hooky or no hooky it was a gorgeous day, and once I was done with work we spent most of the afternoon outside. We planted a few flowers and I pulled up weeds while the kids jumped on the tramp. My husband came home a little bit later and threw baseballs to the kids while I sat on the steps watching in my lazy I-don't-have-to-play-because-I'm-pregnant way. Everyone was happy, and it was one of those moments I wished I had on tape - not just because it was a happy moment, but so that in a few months I could play it back for the kids and say - SEE?!! BEFORE THIS BABY CAME, I WAS A GOOD MOTHER. IT'S ALL THE BABY'S FAULT.

    (So if you were wondering if I had a plan for parenting four children, you can put those fears to rest. Clearly, I am ALL SET.)

The End.

89 comments:

  1. How LOVELY to see you again, Sue. I sort of miss you. I've been hoping everything was going okay with the pregnancy. Now I know that it HAS BEEN!! And I'm glad you're back to the blogging world. And in such good form. (that's not a play on words. Promise)

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  2. Oh, Sue! You're a GREAT mother. I am always more likely to take my kids to school when there really is NO SCHOOL because I just CAN'T BELIEVE THE SCHOOLS WOULD DO THIS TO ME. Like, we're on Spring Break now (not to be confused with Winter Break last month) and they've done this thing where we get the Monday after Easter off. I KNOW that we have next Monday off, but that will not stop me from making lunches and taking everyone to school and then realizing that, "Oops, wishful thinking." At least you do it the other way around and have fun with your kids on an impromptu day off.

    So glad to see you!

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  3. So happy to have you back. You bring laughter and a fun spin on life. Good luck with the non-rupture uterus.

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  4. New reader here. I've been checking for an update for the last four weeks. (Yeah, you're that good!)

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  5. Glad to hear that everything is fine. Keep incubating! :)

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  6. Whew! Glad to hear all is well. I mean, aside from the imminent uterine rupture thing. Have you had that happen before? Is that why they are worried?

    I managed not to gain too much weight with any of my pregnancies, and now I'm overweight anyway. So I might as well have let myself go then.

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  7. You have a commenter called Adorable Pancreas. Why? Why not Adorable Liver or Irresistible Kidney? I'm clicking over to find out why.

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  8. You're going to be just fine -- really. Glad to read your latest post, and can't wait to hear more when the baby comes.

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  9. Glad to hear you are alive. Don't worry about the email. It's not going anywhere and it will grow all on it's own!

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  10. Couldn't be gladder to see you here. In my mind I had made up all sorts of horrid scenarios that would keep you from blogging but now that I know and can see for myself you're still YOU, I can go back to making up something entirely different to worry about. yay!

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  11. Sue, I am so happy to see you pop up on my reader! I'm glad to see you're doing well; keep that baby in there as long as you can! You know, since you have total control over the universe and everything. Thanks for the laughs this morning!

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  12. Missed ya!

    I gained 50+ pounds with each pregnancy, regardless of what I did or didn't eat. Ugh. So I sympathize with the "ginormous". (Aren't you glad that's a real word now?)(So useful...)

    Good for you for keeping them out of school on a beautiful spring day. It's much better than sitting in a stuffy school classroom. They just had a field trip that day. :)

    Lots of prayers and vibes for a safe and healthy pregnancy, and resulting BABY! :)

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  13. I am glad you are still alive! I missed ya!

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  14. Yay!!! I've missed your bloggy self! I'm gld to hear that your uteris hasn't ruptured, that the baby is doing well, and that you are milking this pregnany thing to the effective level. I think you could milk it a little bit more, but that's just what I'd do :) Seriously though, you're in my prayers, Sue. hugs!

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  15. Your kids jumped on the tramp?

    That's not a very nice thing to do to the homeless.

    ;-)

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  16. I thought my reader was broken when it came to your blog so I actually came to your site the other day, and sure enough, there wasn't anything new.

    But now there is. And in total Sue fashion it's hilarious. I've missed reading you.

    Oh, in all your spare time could you finish writing My Super Hopeless Romance - I can't wait to see what happens. ;)

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  17. Thanks for feeling better. It's been hard to see your blog in my blog roll and KNOW that if I keep clicking on it, nothing will happen anyway.

    Good luck with your girly parts. It's the same threat that had me get my tubes tied. That, and I SO wasn't having #4!!

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  18. So glad you're back. And if it's any consolation, I too am pregnant with #4, and I too am ginormous. I don't know what happened to caring, and caution and weight management...I just eat whatever I can fit in my mouth. So, cheers to you, and pass the ice cream!

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  19. i've missed you! glad you are still kickin!

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  20. I'm sure you are relieved to be off of the hormones. Good to hear that you are still there. Thanks for the update.

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  21. Nice to see you back Sue!
    If it makes you feel any better, when I was 3 months pregnant, I always looked at least 6 months. When I was 6 months along, people were always asking me how overdue I was.

    Chocolate is good for gestating women.

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  22. 1. I like that one of your commenters had, oh...what did she call it? "Spare time." Ha, ha, ha!

    2. Like elizasmom, I was caught by the jumping on a tramp comment. My thought though was that it was perhaps your Lord of the Flies version of teaching modesty and virtue. You know, like it's a cage fight between the LOFTL crew and Hester Prynne.

    It's possible the four extra pounds I just discovered this morning after my husband's birthday weekend have all gone to my brain, encasing my neurons and stuff in fat so they don't connect and make sense any more.

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  23. It's so nice to hear from you again! I have those fall asleep moments although I think they're more related to blood pressure for me. Oh well.

    My older sister & I have felt all along that we helped to raise our youngest sister. Nothing wrong w/ that @ all.

    It sounds like you are an awesome mom! Keep up the good work.

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  24. Missed you! Glad everything's going okay.

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  25. Thank Goodness, you are ok! Got introduced to your post, spent a week reading from beginning, and you disappeared! You keep me smiling, PLEASE don't quit blogging!
    marci

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  26. so glad you posted. it made my morning to read your fun words.

    keep growing that baby!

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  27. Love to see you back in the saddle, so to speak! I have 5 and I know where you are girl! I didn't ever to this day voice the words "I am pregnant" to my hubby with my fourth one. Arms around me and kicking and "what was that?" probably would've been a good time to tell him. My fourth was my absolute easiest child ever! Which is why there is a fifth!

    I was totally stuck on the jumpin' on the tramp as well and wondered if this was some cultural ritual. Plus, school is overrated when you can stay at home and jump on a tramp!

    Glad you are well and your dr is so clear about the ripped uterus/delivery date thing. It must really put your mind at ease...ha?!

    God Bless!

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  28. We're totally living parallel lives again. Except I'm still blogging because I'm needy like that.

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  29. HORMONES!!!!! I got postpardem, BAD, after I had my first in the end of July last year after 38 hours of labor and an epidural that I SWORE I would not get. Then I "FAILED" at breast feeding. I took Reglan to get my milk back and it left me even more hormonaly imbalanced, and still not nursing. Soon after that I found out I have endometriosis and had appendicitis. I had to wait 20 days for surgery, so they loaded me up on pain pills. They did the surgery, gave me a shot of hormones and Reglan THAT I DID NOT AGREE TO, and I then became the most hormonal and scary person to be around in the whole world. I found your blog through friends blogs and have been anxiously awaiting your return, so that I could say, "See! I have wacky hormones too!" In my crazy mind I was hoping that would somehow comfort you and help you make it through a long hard day. :)

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  30. I'm glad your back blogging. I was worried about you.

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  31. Welcome back, Sue! I say use this pregnancy as your final hurrah in eating everything that sounds good. You can worry about calories later. Much later. Like when #4 is ready for kindergarten and you can no longer call him (or her) the "baby."

    It's my plan. Wanna join me?

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  32. Yes, it's that whole if you give a blogger a cookie thing. Glad to see that you haven't lost all perspective. :)

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  33. You are back! And you still have your snarky sense of humor. All is well in the world.

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  34. Sue!

    So glad to see your post this morning-- I REALLY needed a laugh today, and now I think I want a t-shirt that says 'Ginormica' on the front. Hope that you are feeling as good as you possibly can, under the circumstances, and don't worry; you can never eat too much chocolate. I know this from experience, as I have done my own extensive research on the subject. :)

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  35. You butterfly, you. All that eating and cocooning totally works.

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  36. Hey, you're back! I'm so delighted to hear from you!
    And I am praying that your pregnancy goes very, very well and that you are pregnant waaaaay into September. That would be AWESOME.

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  37. I'm so glad you're back! I've been missing you!!
    Thank you for allowing us to laugh at your life. It's a good thing. Seriously. It makes me better able to laugh at my own, and I need that in the worst way. :)

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  38. Welcome back, Sue! I'm like Barb up above who has set the alarm, woken up my daughter to get ready for school, packed her lunch, and driven her to a totally empty school parking lot on a day there was no school. At least you had the excuse that the calendar wasn't updated!

    Glad you're feeling better!

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  39. Yay, you're ALIVE! I came running over as soon as I saw signs of life.

    I get narcoleptic on my medicine (which is how I became addicted to caffeine in all of its non tea and coffee forms). It sucks. (Does the phrase "wake me up when the light turns green" sounds scarily familiar?)

    I'll be praying for uterine integrity for ya, babe.

    Glad you had a beautiful day! Love ya!

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  40. Glad you're back and doing well. You were missed...but hey, pregnancy brain will do those things to a mother. Who better to understand that than other mom-bloggers?

    I was enormous with both my pregnancies (actually, still, lol. Kidding. Kinda.), but always got compliments on how radiant I looked.

    I try not to take offense that my tiny sisters both had people commenting how darling their baby bumps were, because mine wasn't darling. It wasn't something I wanted hanging out there in a tight-fitting shirt, anyway.

    All that to say...embrace the radiance thing. Radiant is beautiful.

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  41. 4 can be rough - but with your sense of humor you could probably joke away some of the crazier stuff! You write like I think, and that feels like coming home - thanks for sharing - best wishes on the next few months!

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  42. YAAAAAAAY!!!!!! YOU'RE BACK!!

    Um. Was that too much excitement? Because I am THAT excited that you're back.

    HEE!

    Ok. I'm calm now. I swear. *GIGGLE*

    Marste

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  43. You are HILARIOUS!!

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  44. Very glad to see you back and know that things are going as well as can be expected.

    And that you haven't lost your sense of humor.

    =)

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  45. Man I have MISSED you! And? I see you've discovered my pregnancy eating plan. It's the best :)

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  46. Yeah!! She's back. Yippee!! Kinda psycho, but that's fine. Just fine.

    Please, please, please keep eating chocolate. Cause if you get all skinny on us WHILE YOU'RE PREGNANT, well, the pressure!!

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  47. Hooray! I'm so glad you're back and alive and OK and not uber-hormonal so you won't yell at me when you finally get to my email that I just know you'll answer one day so my own hormones won't make me cry for a month straight because a total stranger obviously hates me. I say again, hooray!

    I'm with you on the ginormous deal. All my friends (I have a few left) say, "Oh no, Abby, you look great! You don't look like you're overdue at 4+ months pregnant at all!" LYING SACKS OF CRAP. At least every stranger I meet who asks me how far along I am and then gives me that startled creepy look reassures me that yes, all is well in Abby-looks-hugely-pregnant-land.

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  48. Totally missed you!! Good to see you back even if its just for a minute, and so sorry about the whole uterine rupture, that sucks. Thanks for updating us, really can we be best friends yet?

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  49. HOORAY!!! Sue is back!!

    And I have the same blinders when it comes to the end of a pregnancy resulting in a new life that I'm supposed to care for.

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  50. I'm testing to see whether I can type while leaned way back in my chair and with baby Hazel asleep on my chest -- wow, it works. It's almost as though I were still pregnant instead of nearly 6 weeks postpartum (I think that's why she likes sleeping here; the creaking of the chair is so familiar from the womb.)

    When I was in labor with Hazel, I told my husband, "Even though I've been talking about this pregnancy and the baby for nine months straight, I still can't quite get it to sink in that very soon we'll have a real live baby in our home, and I still can't really picture her." (I was able to form such a complex sentence because I had an epidural this time.) He agreed that he felt the same way; that it seems almost impossible to mentally and emotionally prepare to care for a baby until the baby's actually snuggling in your arms (or screaming in your ears. In the middle of the night. Wanting to nurse for the sixth time in six hours.) (Did that get you excited for the baby to be born? I thought so.)

    It's always exciting to see your blog's name in bold in Reader. (Although I was already reassured of your continuing existence/ability to type when I saw you post in the Conference thread on Segullah the other day.)

    Oh, and I usually feel beautiful when I'm pregnant, at least once I get into the later stages when I'm obviously pregnant and rotund. What I hate is the stage I'm in right now, where I've already stopped losing weight (I tend to lose most of the pregnancy weight quickly and then plateau before I want to, and stay there until the baby's weaned,) and all my maternity clothes are saggy and baggy but my non-maternity clothes are too snug and skimpy. Bleagh.

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  51. You know, Sue, we all worry about being a bad mom. You just happen to have a handy my-uterus-might-be-tearing-as-we-speak excuse. So run with it. Sit on the steps and eat chocolate whenever you feel like it. I can't wait to see how much you ooh and ahh and fall in love with your completely unplanned and not exactly wished for baby.

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  52. oh Sue, I have missed you too. and darn those resulting babies, i forget about that part sometimes too...

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  53. Yay! You're back! Can't wait to hear all the crazy pregnancy stories.

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  54. Thanks for the good laughs. Lord of the Flies. Har, har.

    Hope that little cantaloupe will be gentle to it's housing authority and that soon his/her melon size will be honeydew.

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  55. What a wonderful post. I love the way you put things.

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  56. SOOOO glad to have you back! :) I missed your writing and wit! I hope you carry that baby for as long as you can...and you sound just like the pregnant lady I was...except for ALL of me all the time said...ahhhh SCREW it!

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  57. Missed you lots. Good luck. I'm sure your kids loved the fact that the online calendar was wrong about school.

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  58. Hooray for you coming back. I still love you and I still worship you in the kind of weird way that I do.

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  59. I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering when we'd hear from the fabulous Sue. Glad to hear you're alive and screwing the "appropriate weight gain" and not falling asleep while shredding papers. All good things.

    Also loving the beautiful weather. At least you recorded the moment of familial bliss on your blog. So you do have proof.

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  60. Hang in there Sue. If it makes you feel better, I regularly assess my parenting skills as subpar. Yet, somehow I seem to have nice, well-adjusted kiddos. They somehow seem to survive in spite of me.

    That precious little baby will be here before you know it, and you will be blogging about gorgeous (s)he is.

    Oh, and everything you can get on tape, you should. Those tapes are really fun to watch later. :)

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  61. Yay, you're back! And as funny as ever.

    My husband was chemically narcoleptic for a while. Good times...

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  62. Good.

    Suffering in that inimitable Sue style. All is not lost if you can turn out this kind of copy. Funny, Susan Ginormica didn't bring you to mind- she doesn't have your gifts.

    But do be careful. You are going to have to take the future seriously if you want to survive it. And the baby will be more beautiful than you remember them being.

    A caboose can be a wonderful thing- as long as it's not stuck to your back end.

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  63. This post is not helping in my quest to get my husband to agree to #3.

    But I heart you anyway.


    Mostly.

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  64. I'm glad you're alive.

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  65. Good to hear from you again!!! I only have one and I had the screw it attitude when i was pregnant due to the fact i still gained if i ate well, so why not enjoy it!! Good luck and the kids can act out lord of the flies....it's all part of a well rounded education(or is that reading it.......

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  66. Yay! I missed you!

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  67. A few things... I was starting to get worried about you (someone I don't know and yet got so used to reading about...) so it's nice to see you back and that you're "okay" :)

    Also pregnant with my fourth, I DID fall asleep in front of the wood stove on the hardwood floor in the middle of the day. Nice. Just passed the 1st trimester, so I can now keep my eyes open after 3:00 and am not falling asleep on any horizontal surface that presents itself.

    You are putting me to SHAME going out there and doing planting and yardwork. The leaves under my hedges have been mocking me and they win every day.

    Chin up. Chocolate always wins in my book.

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  68. Good gto hear from you again!! It's ok to be Ginormic-----------say it over and over and over

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  69. About a month ago I got up and got my kids ready for school and took them there (which I usually don't do because they ride the bus but we were running late that day, thank goodness) only to discover there wasn't school that day. Kind of the opposite of what happened to you.

    Are you really FIVE months? I know you hate it when people say this but...it's going by really fast! (Probably because I'm not on hormones or worrying about my uterus spontaneously combusting)

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  70. I love the name Ginormica, I just referred to myself as The House.

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  71. I am glad you are alive! And playing hookey with mom is the BEST!

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  72. Little did I know that your posts are food for my soul until I went without. I'm ready for some bingeing. I hope you're up to it.

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  73. So glad you're awake again. I bet your baby is going to be the joker of the family. And thank goodness you only expect to have your uterus rip somewhere in the vicinity of summer, that sounds specific enough to take care of. Must be a load off your mind. I LOVE those wish I had it on tape days and I wish I had them on tape too.

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  74. Do we know yet whether this little surprise is a boy or a girl? Carter could teach a little brother a few things.

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  75. "Jumping on the tramp" is one of my all-time favourite Utah phrases. Poor tramp. Does she really deserve to be jumped on?

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  76. Glad to see you're back. I love reading your blog and was a little worried. A hormonal narcoleptic pregnant woman with three kids... I am in awe that you can string words together in sentences!

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  77. BTW, you probably are addicted to chocolate because I usually had pure chocolate in my blood stream when I was pregnant (and every other time). And doctors wonder how I keep my triglycerides so low!

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  79. Hooky, yes!!!!

    But first... who came up with the word 'hooky'. But then again, who came up with any words for that matter? Pencil, clap, snap, chap... etc. etc. Who I want to know?!

    But it's good to know that you are alive! Please don't disappear!!! We miss you!

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  80. Sue--I've missed you, and now that I've read this post, I'm ready to conquer the world by cleaning the playroom. And it's all your fault. :)

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  81. Just today, and I'm NOT making this up, I said "I think I'll do a blog post and all it will say is I MISS SUE."

    True story.

    I'm glad you're back. And you WILL still be a good mother, even if you're crazier. Promise.

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  82. You are hilarious! I have heard so many fun comments about Monsters vs Aliens. Ginormica? That is funny!

    And wow and the uterus rupterus... scary! Glad you're OK!

    BTW: Marie from make and takes referred me! Any friend of Marie is a friend of mine :).

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  83. Sue, you crack me up :)

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  84. are you not affiliated with mormon mommy blogs anymore?

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  85. Just dropping in to say Hi (even though I told Melanie to tell you hi, she probably forgot!) and tell you that your last two posts made me laugh so hard! (I usually don't leave a comment because it appears you have MORE than enough!) :)

    (And also, I wanted to say that I'm so glad you're taking hormones because I didn't, and I lost my last two...found out a few years later my progesterone levels were WAY TOO LOW...so hang in there, Mama!)

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  86. Hi Sue,
    My first time visiting your blog. I may have to stay a while. So much to read and get to know. I didn't get to see the cow:-( Wonder what I'm missing . . .

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