Wednesday, January 14, 2009

They Should Make a Fisher Price Version

Pin It My husband got me an iPhone for Christmas.

It was all a little Gift of the Magi, because I was actually trying to figure out how I could get him an iPhone for Christmas, but I didn't see how it would be possible, since we had this little thing I like to call a "budget" for our presents, due to a stupid thing I like to call a "mortgage." (I also call our house a "house" and our car a "car"- in case you were wondering.) (Ahem.)

So I cut off my hair and sold it and used the money to buy him an iPhone.


O.k., FINE, I didn't do that. I got him a gift certificate to Target instead. (That just doesn't quite have the same ring to it, somehow.)

The iPhone cost significantly more than what we'd agreed we could spend, but he secretly got me one anyway. We'd both gone without Christmas and birthday presents for a few years in a row, and he wanted me to be really surprised.

Now let me tell you something. When I opened the package, I was so excited. It was shiny. It was cool. I mean, I could check my email at the grocery store. At the bank. At CHURCH.

Best toy ever.

But.

But.

But.

I've somehow managed to divest myself of SIX cell phones in the last two years - all within the first three months I had them. I ran over one with the car, washed one in the laundry, dropped one in the bathtub and misplaced three. I've never been able to keep a cell phone for longer than three months. I could totally see the iPhone in about a month, cracked under the wheels of the car, or beeping forlornly from inside a Big Gulp cup where I'd set it down whilst thinking about cupcakes (YUM).

So I gave it back to him.

He refused it. I insisted. He refused it some more. I insisted some more.

I finally said, "You know what's going to happen to it if I keep it."

He looked at me, he looked at the shiny new iPhone and he said, "I've actually been having nightmares about it."

I said, "It's for the best."

And I turned it over to him, weeping.

OK, not weeping. More like snickering and punching him a few times, all, "Way to buy yourself a Christmas present honey," and then we had to go the rounds of "You keep it," "No, YOU keep it," a few more times before he would really believe that I wanted him to take it.

Alright, so maybe it's not exactly like the Gift of the Magi. But there were presents. And it was Christmas. So, almost exactly the same. And it was very touching in an "aw, look, he went against the laws of logic and his better judgment and bought me something expensive he already knows I will destroy" kind of way. At least at Target I can buy stuff that I will lose over time. Kind of spread out the gift destruction and collateral damage.

Goodbye little iPhone. It was a nice idea, but we all know I would've murdered/scratched/lost/broken/disapparated you within the first three weeks.

67 comments:

  1. It is like the gift of the maji. Excapt that she would have bought the combs for herself or something. Did you at least get the taget gift card back?

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  2. That's except and Target in case you were wondering.

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  3. For some reason, I have no desire for an iPhone. Instead, I'm dropping large, broad hints to my husband that I want a cute little laptop.

    *cuts eyes to the right, where husband is now sitting*

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  4. *singing*... badly

    "This is my story this is my song"

    This could be me just insert sunglasses where you said iphone. Hubby wears the NIIIIIIIIICE shades and I lose the 50 or so pair a year of cheapos that I buy.

    And my cell phone? I am texting my daughter who is on the bus as I comment. Ninja like skills of communication have I.

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  5. I'm new to your blog, I will definitely keep up.

    Your husband gazzumping you with a more expensive present is funny!

    Saskia x

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  6. If you both continue to struggle there are family members who can help you with this issue... you can give it to one of us (I mean me of course)... granted I have Sprint, but things can change... I liked AT&T...

    :)

    Just kidding of course. (Unless it become a serious issue, at which time I really would help out.. oh and you could come visit it any time you wanted to!)

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  7. I think he planned it that way. Smart man.

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  8. Hahahahahaha! This is so funny!

    *Attempts to regain control of breathing*

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  9. Very sweet. And I totally would have traded for the Target gift card.

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  10. So funny. I'm exactly the same way with phones. I ran over one with my car too! Husband got me a new blackberry with one of those little track balls. I love it so much but am terrified the ball is going to pop out and then the phone will be ruined. Told my sis that I should just break it now and get it over with. Can hardly stand the suspense.

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  11. I have the same phone that I have had for three years. I have dropped it, set it in water, let my baby eat it. It still works.

    My hubby wants me to get a new one and I have told him that I refuse until this one breaks. Because I know the first day I get a new one I will drop it and it won't work and I will be out of luck!

    So no IPhone for me either. Even though my husband swears it will change my life!

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  12. I'm really hard on cell phones, too. So when I got my Blackberry, I bought an Otterbox to protect it.

    Best. Cases. EVER.

    http://www.otterbox.com/iphone-cases/iphone-3g-defender-case

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  13. Awww! iPhones really can change lives! The tip about a good case is definitely legit.

    If you decide to keep it for yourself after all, it may comfort you to know that I've heard of iphones surviving through the washing machine and all sorts of crushing. Knock on wood!

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  14. You need one of those indestructable phones. Have you buried one in a six foot hole and not realized until after filling it? What about dropped it off of a 40 foot pole? My hubby has done both of those things.
    It was nice of you to give up your new toy! I would ask to trade for the gift cert.

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  15. I would take the Target gift card any day, but I AM technologically illiterate. The last time I went to buy a cell phone, I said to the salesperson, "Look, all I want is something that rings, lets me answer it, has voice mail, and lets me check my messages. ANo cameras, no games, no anything. JUST THE BASICS." He told me he'd have to call the 1980's to get me my phone!

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  16. So I'm assuming YOU got the gift card then?

    iPhones are fun, but I'm such a techno-idiot that I'd be lost with it.

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  17. Recently heard about a friend washing her cell phone. After she found the waterlogged sadness, she did not turn it on and put it in a plastic bag full of uncooked rice. a few days later, good as new.

    My husband almost always trumps my gifts too. *sigh*

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  18. I've inadvertently destroyed many a cell phone. My last one jumped into a glass of orange juice, and ever after would randomly and spontaneously dial 7 (which, ironically, is the number that erases voicemail messages while I'm checking them).

    I've recently discovered that (for ATT anyway) you can buy a $15 GoPhone at Wal-mart, swap out SIM cards, and use the GoPhone like a regular phone on your contract. Bring on the juice!

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  19. You had to replace that present, right? So you got to go shopping for yourself? Tell me there's a happy ending!

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  20. Yeah -- I hope you swapped for the tar-jay gift card!

    This is very sweet and gift of the magi-ish. I got a new phone for Christmas, too. Not an iphone, but still a cool phone. I only got it because it was free after rebates. My husband is a BIG believer in things like a "budget" and "mortgage" and "living within your means." Killjoy.

    I am scared about it because I don't have the best track record with phones either. It's not like we wear pants with pockets all day long. It could be in your purse, in your sweatpants, on the counter, or any number of places the kids run off to with it.

    Yes, very scared here at the amayzing household.

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  21. See I think you're selling yourself short here with the simple assumption that you'd EVER put the thing down long enough to actually lose it. The only time I'm ever apart from my iLover is when the kids steal it from me to pretend it's a light saber.

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  22. No, seriously! There needs to be a Fisher Price phone for people like us. I dropped my last phone in a can of paint.

    Don't ask.

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  23. I won't lie---I'm a little afraid of technology and I heavily distrust anything that can check email at a grocery store while still fitting nicely into my pocket.

    I think you made the right decision.

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  24. Yep, that gift card was MINE, baby. My love of Target is a very great love indeed.

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  25. Poetic it is. (that was supposed to be read in Yoda's voice, BTW.)

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  26. very brilliant hubby.

    and you are truly a giver. just like you have told us all along.

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  27. I did the more expensive-than-we-agreed-on gift one year; we had agreed on $30 for each other and then I went out, sold some of my belongings, and bought him a $300 watch he had admired a couple years earlier. The look on his face was priceless. He at first felt bad he hadn't spent more on me, but I assured him I was so thrilled with what he did get me, that he quickly got over it. He showed that watch off to everyone he knew for the next few months. Totally worth it the crap I had eBayed!

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  28. Does this mean you get to keep the Target card? Enquiring (okay, NOSY) minds want to know!

    Marste

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  29. Oh, wait. I just read all the comments, and saw that you answered my question. *grins sheepishly*

    I heart Target like you wouldn't BELIEVE.

    Marste

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  30. love your blog! Isn't that the best way to start a post? Anyways, you will need to watch out for your hubby because those little things can get addicting. My sister (bless her heart) texts during church. (Don't worry I've brought it to the attention of her bishop). And no, her texting is not like my note-passing during sacrament meeting.*wink*

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  31. I'm like this with gloves. One glove of a pair usually disappears within the first week. I don't lose my cell phone because....I forget to use it! As you well know. If I had a plan that only made me pay for the calls I actually make, I would probably only pay about three cents a month. In the busy months.

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  32. At least you can still play with it! :) My husband wouldn't be able to get one for me and not him. He drools every time he sees an iPhone. Good for you being responsible and stuff ;)

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  33. I think you have good taste in gifts! My husband got me a gift card to tarjay and I LOVE it. :) An iphone would be fun, but I'm with ya on losing it. Too much stress! Loved the post!!!

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  34. Hilarious! He SO had this planned...

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  35. Yeah, when I teach I make all the Relief Society sisters pass up their cell phones extrodinaire. Otherwise they are all checking out the new post-secrets all during class.

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  36. That is the saddest story. :( Did he give you the Target gift card instead? LOL! => XOXO

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  37. Maybe for Valentine's Day he'll give it back wrapped in an incredibly durable case.

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  38. If I wanted an iPhone, and if we could afford one (we can't, since we spent too much money that we don't have on my new laptop for my birthday), that's pretty much what would happen, too. There is no way I could keep a phone like that because phones hate me and commit phone suicide.

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  39. But you got the Target . . . oh nuts, someone already said that! That's what I get for taking a day off from the blogosphere--behind! As if I don't have enough mom guilt for being behind on the housework, the laundry and if I don't hurry, I'm going to be behind picking up my son from school!

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  40. With your gift card you'll find something equally wonderful to love at Target. Such an amazing store.

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  41. Sad, sad, sad story. I myself have been known to destroy a few phones in my day. I will probably never be presented with and iphone either.

    You are far stronger than me though, I would'nt give it back....even knowing that I would kill it.

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  42. Boy, your husband just experienced the warp speed version of "casting your bread upon the waters and having it come back to you."

    I guess giving really IS its own reward... =)

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  43. I bet that little I phone was SOOO relieved to be out of your greasy little palms and into the warm, safe confines of your husbands shirt pocket!

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  44. (Voice of experience speaking:)

    Do not put your phone (or your husband's phone now, I guess) on top of the microwave. Even if it's a handy location for the charger. The phone will go kaput. Who would have thought?

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  45. I have had the same phone for about, hmm, four years? and only lost it once. It was already old-looking when it was new. It is so clunky that my younger brothers decided it is "retro" and therefore cool.

    Actually my sorry phone deserves its own blog post -- too bad my son needs the computer for homework.

    (P.S. Watch your inbox for an email from me about fabric scraps.)

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  46. My Google phone lasted two months and four days before I had to replace it. I lucked out and didn't have to pay for it, but I am for SURE getting insurance on the new one because I CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

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  47. Oh -- you're quick! Try to have fun at Walmart, anyway.

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  48. Also, I now can't live without it.


    Internet! Everywhere! Always!

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  49. Good to know I'm not the ONLY one with problems of keeping a cell phone safe. :)

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  50. Sounds like a classic "I got something I really want because I think you might give it back to me" moment.

    And I found this for you:

    http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2480&e=product&pid=38819

    Good luck.

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  51. See? If you had the same illness I have, you'd never lose your phone. It's called
    "itextallthefreakingtimesomyphoneisgluedtome...itis.

    I'm hoping they never find a cure for this.
    I have the Verizon version of the iphone..the voyager. Same touch screen. Same internet capabilities. Same mp3 stuff. LOVE IT!

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  52. Um. I promised myself I'd start trying to leave a comment everytime I read a blog.

    (Yes, it's only to increase my blog traffic but WHATEVA)

    So, my sister and ex boyfriend have/had a iphone. My sister took it back, and my ex still has it...

    Personally, blackberries ROCK. The older kinds--the one I have now is called the 8703e and it's nearly indestructible. I've dropped it oh maybe 20 times (ok, add another two or three zeros to that) and it still works perfectly fine. My friend once dropped hers into the toilet and lo and behold, it still worked so...

    sounds like something you'd want to look into? ;)

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  53. Okay, I don't like "The Gift of the Magi" because it makes me feel like I have an itch I can't scratch and so I just read it and get all twitchy instead. And no, I can't explain it further. That's just how I FEEL, man.

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  54. WOW...I can't believe you gave that up!!! I have been DROOLING over it since I bought my husband is IPOD touch...they are absolutely amazing...and well keep you in touch with the all consuming virtual world!!!

    Oh wait...

    Maybe it's a good thing you gave it back to him!

    Was a very sweet in a very funny kinda way story though! :) I'll have to add it to my Christmas Stories in 24 days before 24 days of Christmas book!

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  55. I have a co-worker who replaced her phone so many times in such a short amount of time, her cell insurance refused to continue covering her! LOL

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  56. Sigh... Dadguy has an iPhone 3G AND a freaking iTouch with lots of scrumptious gigs, all I have is a kitchy little Capn'-Kirk-style phone with no texting and no fun stuff. I'd be more pissed off about it if the man were not making us extra $$ making apps for the iPhone.

    We both credit the iPhone and it's highly intuitive touch set-up, with teaching our barely three year old daughter how to navigate the internet and play online My Little Pony games. Naughty little beast and her computer habit is cutting into my blogging time.

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  57. I'm so sad for you and your loosing/breaking issues. I just got an iphone and (trumpets sounding) it is MACICAL! They have rubbery protectors you know.

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  58. Great story! I will not buy anything electronic unless I can pay extra for a warranty that replaces or fixes everything!

    Because i so relate!

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  59. You need to sew a pretty case for it...with titanium inside a waterproof plastic bag. :)

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  60. your hilarity never ceases.

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  61. My mom went through 4 phones in 3 months. She kept dropping them in water: lakes, toilets, hot tubs, etc. If there was a body of water nearby, she would inevitably drop her phone in it.

    She ended up buying that waterproof nearly indestructible contractors phone. She dropped in in the lake the second day she had it.

    It still works!! Get yourself one.

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  62. sue, I just laughed literally out loud, which I don't do very often. thank you for making my day. I have had one phone since I got it a few years ago. I wanted the cool green one, but it was forty dollars more so I frowned and took the burgandy one instead. I have considered throwing the phone in the washer and have the excuse to get me a new one, but those things I call the mortgage, car payments, grocery bills (hey! I think we speak the same language!) prevent me from such blatant misallocation of funds. Merry gift of the magi Christmas :)

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  63. Great story!
    Get a Blackberry - tougher to break! Have a Blackberry Bold and have dropped it a number of times but it keeps on tickin'...

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  64. Love the new layout. Sorry to hear your gift didn't work out. But it's the thought that counts, right?

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  65. yes, that sounds like something I would do. Actually, I'd put mine in the wash. Mulitiple times. I'm not too good with elecronics. ;)

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