- Get a blog – lie and say you are just doing it to keep in touch with people
- Write a few self conscious posts. Get no comments.
- Post all the time! Sometimes multiple times per day! You have so much to say! All the time! Wheeee!
- Comment other places. Get a few comments back.
- Become addicted to comments.
- Compulsively check comments. When comments are low, let it affect your mood that day.
- Install site analytics/tracking.
- Wonder why Blogger Y is looking at your blog for 12 hours straight. Figure out Blogger Y probably clicked on your blog and then went to sleep.
- Wonder why a certain IP address is looking at your blog 20 times a day. Get freaked out. Realize it's you.*
- Check out other blogs. Wonder why they have awards and you don’t.
- What’s a meme?
- Watch traffic go up. Pretend you don’t care.
- Watch traffic go down. Pout.
- Get awards. Give away awards. Get more awards. Give away awards. Start to be very, very afraid of awards. Write post mocking awards. Never get another award. Sulk.
- Give your blog a makeover (Obviously, I skipped this step ;>)
- Put up ads.
- Have a couple of well received posts. Become self conscious about posting afterwards because you cannot measure up to yourself.
- Guest post places. Suck at it because when you guest post you are supposed to have an actual point and you, my dear, do not have one.
- Get writer’s block. You have nothing to say. Nothing at all. You SUCK.
- Decide to stop worrying about what people think and just - write stuff
- Watch traffic go down, down, down. Wheeeeee!
- Realize you will never be Dooce and become o.k. with that.
- Discover that even when people don't comment, life still has meaning.
- Stop being a total blogging freak and get a little perspective for Christmas
- Stop checking site analytics because you've realized it makes you crazy(er.)
- Achieve blog zen - blog because you want to, not because you have to
Don't pretend you don't do some of this stuff. Maybe not all of it, but some of it? Right?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Just me then?
Okie-dokie.
P.S. *Nicki, you know I'm lookin' at YOU. Hee. That still cracks me up.
I loved this! What a bunch of fuh-reaky people we bloggers are. I don't know about the last one. Who is this Zen? Can I meet him?
ReplyDeleteSOOOOOO true, LOL! That is exactly the way it happened for me. Except that somewhere in there I actually got desperate enough for my readers (particularly those in my family) to de-lurk that I wrote a (now) humiliating post likening blogging to fishing, and begging for my readers to sign up with google so they could/would comment (http://frumpmama.blogspot.com/2007/09/blogging-and-catch-and-release-fishing.html) **blushes**
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFrom day one I've maintained that comments do not matter. That I am writing my blog instead of a journal, for us to have later, when we are back in Canada (which is why it's always about our doings...believe me, I could have totally had a venting blog about my IMperfect kids and hubster).
ReplyDeleteI totally believed this, until one day I posted this fabulous post (yes, my words...ahem) on the Nobel Peace Prize and got NO COMMENTS. I was totally sulky all day. And the next day. But still no comments.
Finally I sent myself an anonymous comment to check things out (that desperate!) and realized that I'd inadvertently changed my settings to 'blog owner approval'. All my beautiful, lovely, kind comments had been stored for my approval.
After a happy dance that included hugging my shocked children and husband (who undoubtedly wondered if I'd gone completely bipolar) I stopped kidding myself.
But I'm back in denial now...COMMENTS DON'T MATTER. Until next time, anyway... :)
Hugs! Heidi
Well, you've frightened me now. I relate to at least 50% of your list.
ReplyDeleteI will admit this on only your blog. You left out:
ReplyDeleteBlog comments are low. Find yourself singing "Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm gonna eat some worms."
All right, so maybe I did a couple of those steps out of order, but otherwise ... bang on.
ReplyDeleteExcept now I'm in this weird combination of post-Christmas Zen and blogger's block. It's like I can't bring myself to care about traffic right now, but I also feel frustrated at having nothing to say. I think I'm missing my old obsessiveness.
I am laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteThank Oprah I'm not alone.
Funny! I think I'm till stuck between what is a meme and watching traffic go up. I know what a meme is now, but traffic has never really gone beyond about 40 hits per day. Except for that one day (the day after my yearly update letter, which is what they all seemed to want to look at) when I got 318, and I never could figure out how so many people suddenly found me. And then never came back. :(
ReplyDeleteBwh ha ha ha
ReplyDeleteGood thing that's not me at all. Mmmm Hmmm. Except for the zen thing. I do that. uh huh.
HAha! I'm with bugandzen right now...total post-holiday block.
ReplyDeleteAnd, noooooo, I'm not one of those compulsive freaks who checks her favorite blogs multiple times per day! Not me! That's some other girl with too much time on her hands.
And, what are you guys complaining about with 40 comments a day??! I'm happy if I get 5! I am forever singing the 'nobody likes me' song...maybe I need to figure out what everyone wants to read and just write that, yes? Easy, yes?
Ha. Well, maybe when my writer's block goes away I'll come up with some fabulously clever post and everyone will come from miles around to read it...then they'll post a link on their site and I'll have, like, 15 comments! YES!YES!YES!
Ummm. I mean bugandpie. Whoops!
ReplyDeleteI would have commented sooner, but I was checking my blog stats.
ReplyDeleteI confess. I've done about half of these items. Okay!!! I've done probably all of them!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I am with Bethany - except I'm happy with even 1 comment!!
Congratulations on reaching Blogging Zen. (maybe someday I'll get there.....)
NAILED IT!!
ReplyDeleteyup. i'm right with you. what makes me feel better is the fact that some of my favorite blogs (besides yours) don't get comments at all. and i would die if they stopped writing just because we're all too lazy to comment. EVERYONE KEEP BLOGGING!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I have absolutely NOOOOO idea what you're talking about.
ReplyDelete(whistles, looks around)
I confess. You completely nailed me. I will say, though, that your mocking award is my absolute favorite on my site. I've been tempted to take my awards to another page, but I don't want to take down Glenda.
ReplyDeleteOk...yeah...I do a lot of that stuff. I have a blog tracker - I got really excited because I saw people coming in from all over the world (turkey, greece, etc.) I told my father...and he was nodding, and then started listing some of the countries I had missed: he recently returned from a cruise, and made sure to check the blog from every port so I'd get hits from those countries! I felt like such a dork...but was happy he loved me. :-)
ReplyDelete(I found your blog from Make n' Takes...but I think I had heard of it before.)
Seriously? You can reach blogging zen? And exactly HOW do you get to that part where your traffic goes up?
ReplyDelete*raises hand*
ReplyDeleteHi, my name is Stacie and I have freakish bloggy issues. :D
I am about halfway down this list. So maybe by next year I will have finally reached Zen. I guess I am that child that has to learn it on her own instead of learning it from you. Really I should just skip ahead to Zen.
ReplyDeleteYour life cycle of a blog is hilarious...and spot on for me! Thanks for the laugh
ReplyDeleteHey, I didn't say I've achieved Zen. But I figure it's out there. Somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAnd see, the successful bloggers, their blog goes off on another track, like - go to blogher, be hilarious every single day, achieve world domination.
I found your blog through Mormon Mommy Wars when you left a comment. I love your sense of humor and I feel incredibly guilty after that post to leave without commenting. It is addictive. I gave up checking my stats, because I just couldn't let myself care anymore. So here is my comment. But, by commenting I'm feeding your addiction to comments. Sorry. I'll check your blog often, but please count this comment as my comment for every time I check back. Then we'll both feel better.
ReplyDeleteOH, HOW THAT MADE ME LAUGH! SO TRUE!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGuilty as charged minus the site analytics because I'm not smart enough to figure them out..LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm busted!! Stacie move over on the bench. Hi, my name is Joanna and I had a all time high on comments on a posting about my son eating boogers and it made my day. Not the booger eating the amount of comments *sheesh*!
ReplyDeleteOh man, I just about busted a gut! Phew, I needed that after the flight home from Vegas with the kids, thanks!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm somewhere between blog makeover and traffic going down because I haven't posted in forever. But I just don't have it in me to care as much anymore! This is supposed to be fun, right?
As soon as I read the first part of the sentence about IP's I started groaning, "Oh no, she's going to say it!". I'm never going to live that down around here either!
Sister, once again you are reading my mail.
ReplyDeleteI, too, lived in denial about the purpose of my blog UNTIL the fateful day that Boomama mentioned me on her blawg and over three HUNDRED people lurked about. Then I became frantic that the majority (heck, even a minority) didn't post. Didn't they LIKE me? What was WRONG with me? Love me, PLEASE.
I think this quote from Broadcast News sums it up nicely...
"Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?"
Applies to me anyway.
Oh yeah, I've done almost all of it!
ReplyDeletePlease send me tips on the site analytics/monitoring thing. I don't know how to set that up and I want to. Thanks!
*lol* How incredibly accurate! *giggle* Love this post! I haven't yet achieved such things as a "great post" with lots of response...I'm still to tiny for that...but I know it will happen...and that my self-conscious self will do just what you said! *lol*
ReplyDeleteBlogging Zen...hmmm...
Whew, I thought you had caught me blog stalking you and you were all creeped out. Thank goodness my site meter allows me to block my own IP, so I don't make the same mistake, otherwise, I would be thinking someone REALLY liked me. And no, I have never enjoyed your popularity so I don't have any angst about the blogging obligation. Only people who REALLY like me must read or comment, I guess!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that you have me pegged! But I guess that means I'm an official blogger, yay!
ReplyDeleteI am glad to read I am not the only one. I honestly can not believe how on the mark you are.
ReplyDeleteI haven't made it to step 12 yet. I think I'm still at the pouting stage. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI love the line "Realize you will never be Dooce and become o.k. with that." It is my goal to be like her...have my husband become a stay-at-home-dad while I spend the day blogging....wouldn't that be nice?
ReplyDeletebrand new and ALREADY love your sense of humor!
ReplyDeleterelate to the list, but for one exception....
totally realized the first time I read her, I will never, ever be dooce. the chick is brilliant.
i can tell I'm gonna have to subscribe to your blog... too, too funny, girl!
isn't taking a "break" part of the zen process?
ReplyDeleteThis post inspired me to write my own today-even though no one's commented on the previous one. Thanks for teaching me to be strong and not care...or at least pretending I to be strong:)
ReplyDeleteHa!
ReplyDeleteI think Blogger Y - the 12 hour reader - is probably me. I am ALWAYS opening a page and then wandering away, only to come back many, many hours later. It only occured to me recently that PEOPLE CAN TELL WHEN I DO THAT.
Holy Crap--if you haven't just summed up the Life Cycle of a Blog to a "T" I loved this!!!
ReplyDeleteI had NO IDEA you are a mind reader! I'm absolutely floored that you found out my deep, dark blogging secrets.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently in the "addicted to comments" phase.
ReplyDeleteMy self esteem is completely dependent on how many comments I get.
Sue, THANK YOU for commenting on my blog.
Jill
You seem really nice. Call me sometime.
ReplyDeleteSigh...you've got my number. I don't think I've reached those last couple of points yet; but I have realized that if I don't post, I get cranky. And it is fantastic having some sort of record of what's been going on in my family's lives, else it all gets lost in the blur. But it's more fun with feedback, especially when I get a conversation going with a few people that I like (what my husband calls my imaginary friends).
ReplyDeleteSo, I think now I'm blogging for blogging's sake; but I still wouldn't mind if it made me rich.
Yep.
ReplyDeleteAs I mentioned, I refuse to write those hated words on my own blog or anyone else's. But, think of a candy bar; it's wafer-like, covered in chocolate. Fairly non-descript but often used for a filler on candy bar posters. Did that help? That's one of the dreaded words.
ReplyDeleteOr, even better; think the song Ariel sings in Little Mermaid. "You want _____?" I got plenty!" That help?
WOW, that was dead on. **clears throat** None of which I do!
ReplyDeleteI've never won an award.
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin'
*note that she already has 51 comments and assume you have nothing original or witty to add*
ReplyDeleteThis post is SO true! I started my blog for fun, my own fun. To document stuff in my life, my thoughts, my ideas etc. Now it has become a popularity contest! I try not to let comments and my site reader affect my mood, but honestly, it does. Especially when I write, what I think, is a great post, and I get 2 comments.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that drives me nuts are the very popular blogs. I read some, some posts are very good, but some of the posts are, well, so-so at best. But they will ALWAYS get tons of comments! And all the comments are "I love your blog!!!"
It reminds me of the popular kids who everyone wants to be friends with, no matter how boring, mean, uninteresting, etc. the "popular" person may be.
So, often I seek out and read less commented blogs more often. I feel the author may actually read and appreciate my comments much more!
Well Hello there! I think we may be lost lost cousins, or sisters, or maybe your gramma knew my gramma.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, I just discovered you (anyone who uses naval-gazing in the title is my homegirl) and wanted to let you know that I think you & your blog are supa-fab!
Love to ya, Alli
http://fussypants.typepad.com
Hahaha, fun post!
ReplyDeleteBTW, I might be one of the people who it seems is on your site for hours because I'll log onto a site, get distracted for X-amount of time (sometimes hours) and come back later; or I'll leave my computer on at night. Hope that helps! :-D
I just found your blog and this list cracked me. It's so true. Anyway, I like your style.
ReplyDeleteUm, YES! (By the way, you have 57 comments. Way to go!)
ReplyDeleteCan I just skip to awards? I could totally use an award! Maybe I can make up my own, for stuff like doing crazy hard yoga moves, or doing my dishes everyday for a week.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm still at step 3. But ahem...if you get 50 freakin comments on one post, you're doing pretty well. I wanna be you someday.
ReplyDeleteBy the way...Irene? I love you.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hear ya. I wrote a post about You Know You're Addicted to Blogging When... Then added a bunch of disclaimers so no one would go looking for evidence that I got half the ideas from blogging buddies and the other half were me. Right now I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing here in bloggyland. Soon it will be a post. I'm the one who went to sleep 12 hours but you were great anyways, I just pop around while I'm on hold at work, then I go off hold and the computer goes on hold. Such is life, everyone probably thinks I'm a stalker.
ReplyDeleteI don't blog for these very reasons. I can't handle the drama.
ReplyDeleteAnd everyone expects me to do it. So I won't. Nyah...
I don't blog for these very reasons. I can't handle the drama.
ReplyDeleteAnd everyone expects me to do it. So I won't. Nyah...
This is too funny. Can't stop laughing. Think I woke my daughter.
ReplyDeleteI still get a jolt when I look at my stats and those bazillion comments on one post a while back. And then I remember it was that bloggy giveaway post. And those people never came back.
ReplyDeleteYou have described me PERFECTLY.
can I just tell you how much I laughed at this post? great! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I stumbled past your blog today. I loved this:
ReplyDelete# Figure out Blogger Y probably clicked on your blog and then went to sleep.
# Wonder why a certain IP address is looking at your blog 20 times a day. Get freaked out. Realize it's you.*
HA HA HA HA!!!
ReplyDeleteso true. so EXACTLY true. and I will leave you a comment. not just because you have guilted me into it, but because we all know comments are the best. yeah, hi! that's me on your statcounter, the one from NY... on the mac... great blog, great writing. love it.
(p.s. I'm a friend of dailymint's sister rachel)
"Realize you will never be Dooce and become o.k with that."
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I don't even have a funny blog to go through this cycle with, but I've TOTALLY thought that just from reading her blog.
How is it that EVERY SINGLE POST on your blog is laugh-out-loud hilarious?
oh my gosh!!! lady! this is so right on the money... I did these exact things in this EXACT order! I am laughing so hard!
ReplyDeleteSo I am linking this post because it is the perfect description of my short time in blogdom. p.s. i am a friend of brooke
ReplyDeleteAh... That delicate balance between posting great content and becoming (as my friend Allison rather indelicately puts it) a Comment Whore. The joy is in doing it for the love of it, no question. But it's so easy to get caught up in that other loop...
ReplyDeleteGreat post! No wonder somebody wanted to rip you off!
I am so ashamed! Please I only been blogging for a couple of monthes, but I am definitely in this cycle. I am just happy when I have 3 comments from my family.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah... I am guilty of it all.
ReplyDeleteLOL! This is all soooo true!
ReplyDeleteBeing on my second blog now, I can relate to a frightening number of the items on this list. But I'm not admitting which ones. That's private. You know, unlike everything else in my life...
ReplyDeleteI don't even know you, but dear sweet HEAVEN you have so hit the nail on the head.
ReplyDeleteI created my blog about three weeks ago, and I'm at about stage.. 4 or 5... probably both...
ReplyDeleteVery funny and very true (I hope. I have not even come close to achieving Bloggy Zen, it is VERY comforting to know that other people go through the same things I do. Thank you so much for making me feel normal!!!) :) :) :)
ReplyDelete