Tuesday, October 18, 2011

There's A Hole In The Bucket List (Dear Liza, Dear Liza)

Pin It (How do you read that and not think of Sesame Street?) (If that Sesame Street skit didn't immediately come into your head you are dead to me.) (Or else too young to get it.) (Or possibly too old to get it.) (Or perhaps you preferred The Electric Company in which case we have greater problems to deal with here.)

This is me, welcoming myself back to the blog world again.  Welcome, self!

I need to write a real post (maybe tomorrow, I have deadlines tomorrow so I will probably feel in the mood to blog), but for today I'm just gonna dive in here and post my bucket list, because a certain blog (don't go there) is giving away a bunch of (REALLY BORING - YOU DON'T WANT THEM - DO NOT VISIT THE BLOG) vacations.  You just have to post your own bucket list to enter.  But don't do it.  Because I want to win.  (I DESERVE IT.  YOU DO NOT.  YOU NEED NO VACATION. I NEED ALL THE VACATIONS.)

(By the way - things are better. Thank you for all of the good hearted, thoughtful, kind advice on the last post. I took it to heart, yes I did. Possibly I cried quite a bit when I read your kind words.) (Also, there are certain times in the month when I should not be allowed near a keyboard, but that is a post for another day. ONWARD.)

  1. Let's get the obvious blogger-stabby one out of the way first: Write a book.
  2. Own a home again, a forever home (that the bank doesn't take away and then give back and then take away again) because hey, we
  3. Achieve financial stability
  4. Get really really good at math. I never really tried. I just assumed it was too hard and never did my homework and never listened in class and never even attempted to understand anything. And now I sit in engineering meetings and completely understand what is going on and realize that I'm just as smart as the engineers. The difference between them and me is that I was extremely lazy in high school.
  5. (Er...   AND in college) Finish my degree.  I say finish but really I mean START because none of my credits are worth transferring.  Actually, my grades for the classes I had in the morning were pretty good, but my grades for the classes that conflicted with Days of Our Lives - well, forget it. 
  6. Become a Flex UI designer. (It's a programming thing.)
  7. Be 120 pounds.  No particular reason.  I just want to say that I did it ONCE IN MY LIFE.
  8. Have a grand piano.  I would play the crap out of that thing. 
  9. Be able to afford any kind of lessons my kids are interested in.  They are such exceptional, talented kids (they really are - if only you knew) and it kills me to know that if they had more financially savvy parents they would have more opportunities to develop those talents.  We do what we can, but it's not as much as they deserve. 
  10. Be in a community theatre musical.  Or something else that involves showing off and applause.  So that maybe I can finally exorcise my remaining wanna-be-Rachel-Berry tendencies and just QUIT IT.
  11. Be on the Amazing Race.  (No, I didn't steal this from Kalli, she clearly stole it from me, since it has been in my brain for the last ten years) (At least.) (WAIT.  TWO BLOGGERS, teaming up, for a race around the world.  HOLY MACKEREL, I THINK WE'RE ON TO SOMETHING.  Kalli, call me.)
  12. Go to Jamaica.  Or somewhere beachy and exotic.  Or just somewhere outside of the US.  Other than Tijuana, I've never been out of the US.  Whenever I read that a friend is going on vacation somewhere out of the country I feel bitter.  (And then I feel small for feeling bitter.)  (And then I feel bitter again.)
  13. Be able to afford family season passes to a ski resort and ski school for the kids.  I just know they would all love it and be little skiing rock stars. I CAN FEEL IT.
  14. Have a camper/trailer and the time to travel around the country with the kids. 
  15. Learn to sew.  I put this last because it is the one I am actually the least optimistic about.  I can never remember how to thread the bobbin and I don't understand all of the ironing and the fabric matching upping and all of the crap you have to do with patterns.  It mystifies me.  I just want to sew some freaking window coverings, you know?  Like a nice roman shade.  Why does it have to be so complicated? You'd think there would be a reliable glue stick for that kind of stuff by now.  Or a robot. 
The End. 

Although - oh dear.

For all of my idealism and NPR listening, it would appear that I don't actually want to save the world, or accomplish anything major, I mostly want to loll around on beaches, show off, and own stuff.  DIE CAPITALIST PIG, DIE.

Oh, hey - totally unrelated: What do you do when you receive a friend request from someone on Facebook who you just find rather annoying? You don't hate the person, but they just bug you? Or when you read their blog/twitter/FB updates it makes you feel jealous and/or stabby? But you don't want to be openly hostile by refusing the friend request? Do you accept it? Ignore it? I ASK YOU.

Remember - don't enter.  DON'T. ENTER. THE. CONTEST.


This is my entry in the Just Ask Bucket List Getaway Giveaway. Just Ask offers a breast and ovarian cancer screening and is encouraging people to share 15 things that I want to enjoy in my lifetime as a reminder to be aware of my health. Want to enter? Head over to TodaysMama.com to get the details.



  1. What you said about the sewing. Both from it being on my bucket to list to why it won't it get done including the bobbin thing. But I keep putting it on the stupid list.

  2. Hey you posted :) Yaay!

    I want you to write a book. But I hope I write mine first, so that I don't have to be jealous of you. Of course yours would prob do so much better than mine, so it really doesn't matter. So go ahead. No worries here.

  3. I just wrote about my bucket list and your post came up right under mine on my Google reader. Serendipity strikes again!

    I hope you get everything on your list!

  4. You blogged!

    Your #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 12 & 15 are ALL things that I honestly have on my unofficial bucket list. I think it's crazy to have so many in common. Additional items on mine include riding in a helicopter NOT AS A LIFE FLIGHT PASSENGER (feel that's an important clarification), a hot air balloon and an airship (sounds classier than "blimp"), and touring Air Force One--either on the ground or in the air. I'm sensing a theme here.

    My #2 is actually kind of specific because I'd like it to be on a creek with running water (I love the sound and smell of moving water), and my #12 is a cheater for me because I have been out of the country but I WANT MORE...as in most of the world is on my want-to-see list.

    But despite all these (and other) hopes and dreams, I'm not entering the contest. That's my little gift to you. I've never heard of TodaysMama.com, so it really wouldn't be fair of me to enter, now would it?! Good luck to you Dear Sue!* ♥

    *wait, this isn't reverse psychology is it...like you are actually begging us not to throw you in the briar patch but really, you WANT us to enter the contest? I'm slow. It's 2:30am.

  5. So basically you need to get rich and your list is all the smart ways you plan to spend it.

    Except for the parts that require time and a lack of laziness (math, degree, sewing. Why, oh why can we not buy time and productivity? And also why can we not have enough money to buy it and the other things on our bucket lists? I ask you.

  6. Blue: NO REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY just attempts to brainwash thusly: DO NOT ENTER. DO NOT ENTER. DO NOT ENTER.

    LisAway: YES. Perhaps one item on my bucket list ought to be ROB A BANK. Because I'm pretty sure I could get away with it. Pretty sure.

    Planet Nomad: Aw, pshaw. PSHAW I say.

  7. SO GRATEFUL to see a new post! I have had you on my heart for a couple of weeks now. Oh yeah, you don't know me at all but I LOVE LOVE your blog! Welcome back and don't be such a stranger-

  8. Welcome back!!!
    I've missed you.
    Your bucket list is so noteworthy.
    Love it.
    I wanna say the 120 pounds too.

    Blogging Amazing Race.....probably be a total season winner.

  9. That Facebook thing has happened to me. I accepted someone...then later deleted them AND THEY RE-REQUESTED ME! They figured out that I deleted them. Uh-oh. So instead of ignoring (by clicking Ignore) the next request I literally ignored it. Now they can't re-re-request me and I forget about the guilt, hahaha! For someone I don't mind knowing all my business...I add and then promptly hide them. Meh.

  10. ADD AND HIDE. Genius. I don't mind people knowing my business. Obviously.

  11. Facebook thing: Ignore, ignore, ignore. I get lots of requests from people I barely knew ten years ago, or from people I should probably know but don't (my husband's extended family, which is ginormous). I just click on the "hide" or "later" or "I don't want to look at this right now" button (whatever it is that makes the little number 1 disappear) and forget about it until the next time some random person friend requests me.

    Also, glad to see you posted. You should really do it more. I won't even mind if it's during that certain time of the month. :)

  12. Regarding the facebook thing, I add and hide, then sneaky delete later if they truly annoy me. I'm trying to keep it at 300 so I'm always deleting a couple of teens from the co-op a few years back to make room for my grade-school pals. When someone adds and deletes me or just ignores me I whimper a lot and have jr. high flashbacks.

    Regarding sewing. Do not do it. It makes you swear. I so testify. Hire your roman blind seamstress, someone like the lady down the street who glows with joy as she matches and eases and bobbin-changes. She'll be happy and your well-deserved wealth will be supporting a cause you admire, but should keep a distance from.

  13. Accept the friend request and then unsubscribe from their updates and hope they never comment on yours.

    And the theatre thing? I hate to burst your bubble, but once you start, you cannot go back. It is in your blood forever. You will not exorcise your inner Rachel Berry you will FEED her. Which is completely awesome and something you should do RIGHT AWAY.

    I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas for the exact same reason. I have "known" how to sew once or twice, but then I step away from the machine for a week and all of the knowledge vanishes. I just want some friggin curtains and pretty pillows! However, they do make hemming tape, which you apparently just iron to the fabric, so it's almost like a glue stick. (and they use glue guns on project runway sometimes, so I think that's perfectly acceptable for your fabric-altering needs.)

    If you were on the Amazing Race I would actually watch it. Audition!

  14. You are well on your way to accomplishing item 7 on your list. Re item #8: Remind me to add a codicil to my will. For items 4, 5, and 15 on your list: "I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO!" And please win the trip, so you can give it to me.

  15. Welcome back! I like math only for the pi jokes.

    Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
    A: Pumpkin Pi!

  16. I ignore it. My best friend calls me a facebook snob, but I do not let people into my life that don't A) do something for me or B) make me happy. No reason to.

  17. What Jami said--because Jami's awesome. But mostly, I am just glad that you posted b/c I love reading anything you write.

  18. I'm glad you are back! And I accept and hide, although I'm considering defriending all of those types.

  19. So nice to hear from you. All very worthy things, I do believe.

  20. Amazing Race with 2 bloggers? I would watch and root!

    Stop with the sewing wish. It is such a nightmare. I think people are lying when they say they enjoy it.

  21. You and Kalli on TAR together? Well, the thought of that made me not be able to concentrate on the rest of your list! You would be the best TEAM ever!!!

    (All this to say, please submit your paper and video application to TAR posthaste so they can choose you and I can start watching it again!)

  22. Right? We would KILL it.

    Except Paul would get jealous. And we clearly need to learn a second language first. Espanol?

    Also, I forgot musical theater on my list. How could I forget that?

  23. I NEED ALL THE VACATIONS made me laugh. Until I read you've only ever been to Tijuana. Then I was sad. Then I read Kazzy's comment on how everybody secretly hates sewing and I laughed again.

    You definitely need to travel someplace with beaches, but I wouldn't recommend a foreign country right out of the chute. Lots to learn and who wants to learn on vacation? Go to Hawaii. I lived there while in the Navy (I know, it's a tough job, serving your country) and it's a tropical paradise that speaks english (mostly), has the same currency, and has the lowest incidence of kidnapping or stabbing or other fun aspects of many 3rd world countries. I know it's cliché to want ot take a trip to Hawaii, but there's a reason it's so popular. If I could afford to live there, I would in a heartbeat.

  24. I kind of hate how you can go away for months and then write a post and your minions crawl out of the woodwork to comment (some AHEM writing books).

    In fact just last week I was looking at my Google reader stats (you hadn't blogged in months at that point, mind you) and felt a pang of jealousy because you have 1,328 subscribers contrasted with my 81...even though I routinely pour my guts out. (sniffs underarms).

    It's true what K- Comment 18 on your next post says about whatever part of you comes through in the words, they love. Admire. Care about. And they want you to like them. Because, evidently, there is something about you that makes people want YOU to like THEM. You have charisma in spades...no matter what size you are or aren't. Would that there was an operation to implant THAT!

    Makes me feel like entering the vacation contest just to spite you.

    I KID!

    And to finish off my day of ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING, I'll end with this: If I ever finish writing my book, I might just publish it under your name so that it stands a chance of being looked at :-)

  25. My rule of thumb to tell the difference between things I only want to want to do and things I really do want to do is that if I really want to do them, I'll do them in order to procrastinate doing less-wanted things. My brother's other useful rule of thumb is that usually when someone says they "should" do something, they won't. Whenever anyone tells me they "should" blog more or asks me how I "find time" to blog, my answer is something like, "If you only blog when you think you should be doing something more productive, you can be as prolific as I am." (Not that I'm prolific. But I'm prolific compared to not blogging at all.)

    By those rules of thumb, I genuinely do like sewing--in spite of what Kazzy says about that being impossible. But I don't like setting in sleeves, nor gathering full skirts nor applying interfacings, nor lots of other steps of the process. I LOVE choosing fabrics and patterns and finishing cute things for my girls to wear. I dislike home dec sewing; it's very economic but quite boring. The only way I get any home dec sewing done is by promising myself some creative sewing time afterward.

    I could write another whole long comment about how I relate to the math thing--how I falsely believed I was bad at it, and I know I could be better at it now--but math is also one of those things I think I "should" learn and probably won't. But I did successfully multiply a fraction a while ago--because I needed to for a sewing project. :)

  26. I mean I multiplied a fraction BY a fraction. Which is more impressive. And one of those things they taught us in grade school and I thought I'd never use.

  27. Well, if I didn't feel anxiety about sending you a Facebook friend request before, this has surely done it.

  28. HA! Here, let me take care of that for you.

  29. Bobbins are my nemisis. My mother is a brilliant seamstress. My sister learned from her and is a sewing whiz. Me? I get all the threads jumbled up just sewing a straight line. Why is it so hard???