Thursday, February 18, 2010

Truth In Advertising

Pin It (I'm still working on answering email and some of the comments from the parenting post. Some of them made me cry - in a good way - and so I haven't answered them yet. Thank you so much - I got some really helpful ideas and feel like I'm more able to help her than I was just a couple of days ago.  How awesome is that?)

I was twittering back and forth with someone the other day about the thing on Saturday and she said she wasn't coming because she was afraid she wouldn't fit in.

You know, because we're all so cool and together, whereas she felt relatively average.

(Commence snorting on my side of the screen.).

Oh dear.

If you've been reading my blog for longer than five seconds, you know that I am 1) not fashionable, 2) awkwardly awkward, and 3) ridiculous.

But in case you are a new reader, I present you with:

THE EVIDENCE OF MY GLAMOROUS, GLAMOROUS LIFE:

COME, let me show you around.

Here is the kitchen/dining room, in the house that we repeatedly nearly lose to foreclosure when I repeatedly lose my business/income/clients only to repeatedly barely sort of almost pull back out of our financial tail-spin, usually just-in-the-nick-of-time.  (It is a very exciting way to live, trust me.)  This is the normal state of it, crumbs on the kitchen table, dishes in the sink, papers stacked up willy-nilly. WILLY-NILLY, I say.



This is the bathroom doorway where I hang my baby when I am scrubbing toilets. (GLAMOROUS).


(Although really I just posted that picture to show you how cute my baby is.  Not convinced? PLEASE TO BE SHARING MORE CUTENESS:)



This is my room.  There are no pictures on the wall (or indeed, on any wall anywhere in my house).  I have no idea what to hang, and I have no budget for hanging things anyway, and so I hang nothing. Although my daughter did make me a birthday banner, which we taped on the wall.  (It will probably be there for YEARS before it occurs to me to remove it.)

There are always multiple cups and soda cans on the nightstands (and now I am sad that I dismantled my oh so impressive pyramid-o-soda on Tuesday), and the bed is never, never, NEVER made.  We actually use two comforters, because we both steal the covers and it just works out better that way. We don't have a bedskirt and we only have two sets of sheets total, because A) for real, king-size sheets are ridiculously expensive, B) I'd rather spend that money on cheddar cheese (which is ALSO ridiculously expensive), and C) that's what the washing machine is for. (Or so I hear.)


(But it IS the most comfortable bed in the universe. And I'm somewhat proud that we finally broke down and bought a headboard two years ago, after spending most of our marriage on nothing but a mattress and frame.  We're FANCY.)

This is my home office.  Yes.  It is a card table.  WHAT.


The 14 year old chair is also very fabulous, I know. (I like the cushion to be showing like that - kind of authentic-like.)  Also note that I am back on the DDP sauce.  (FOR SHAME.)

And then there is the Queen of the castle, truly a glamorous creature if ever there was one. 

If you knocked on the door without calling first on any given day of the week you would probably find me looking EXTREMELY cute, with no make-up on, a scrunchified ponytail in my hair, and some type of four year old hoodie stretched over my oh so svelte frame.

And let me say here - I'm not proud of the state of my appearance/fashion related affairs, I would love to hop out of bed and shower and blow-dry and pick out a fabulous outfit, but alas, I wake up, get the kids fed/dressed/ready/off to school, hand off Jake and Josh to our part-time sitter and then go shut myself up in my home office to work until 1:00, when I usually try to A) get dressed (maybe) and B) brush something.

So yes.  H-O-T.

And now, here is the part where I make the ultimate sacrifice and attempt to take an un-photoshopped, pony-tail wearing, no-makeup picture of myself that doesn't make me want to smash things:


OK, wait.  Flash problem.  Switch bathrooms.


OK, wait.  Baby related picture malfunction.

Let's get the five year old to take one, that'll surely work:


It is probably for the best that this is blurry.  (TRUST ME, you do not need that particular level of detail.)

In conclusion, this is me, who cares what the world thinks, take me as I am, we are all beautiful in our own special way, whatever whatever self-esteem boosting WHATEVER. 

NOW YOU KNOW.

(And now you may actually be able to recognize me on Saturday.)

So if you are not coming to the thing on Saturday (or to Storymakers or to BlogHer or to whatever function you wish you could go to but are nervous to go to because you feel you are less than whatever/whoever), feel comforted in that we are ALL a little bit lame and a little bit awesome all at the same time.

The End.


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69 comments:

  1. Hey, I wear a Snuggie. And now, SO DO YOU!!!!!!

    You are right awesome and lame.

    And we have the same bed. It is never, ever made, and we also use two comforters.

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  2. Honey, if you think that's messy, then you haven't seen my house.
    Come on over if you want to know the real meaning of the word clutter.
    Seriously.

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  3. Love the photo tour! (Our mattress sits on the floor and has no headboard.)

    And you have a totally contagious smile. But you knew that already, right?

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  4. Your blog makes me happy.

    That is all. :)

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  5. I heart you and I think you're beautiful.
    Your house is gorgeous! My house is only fit for hobos.

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  6. What? I'm not the only non-supermom? Whew. What a load off! Thanks. :)

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  7. YOU HAVE AN AMAZING KITCHEN.
    And the baby is cute too.

    Girl, you got it all. Don't let anyone tell you differently :-)

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  8. so refreshing to see that other people live like me. :)

    your house is cute and you look darling.

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  9. My 5-year-old is our photographer as well. Looks like they went to the same school of photography...

    P.S. you are beautiful!

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  10. We have the king-sized water bed my parents used to have. Who conceived their children in that bed. And now they're divorced.

    We've been meaning to replace the bed, which is way too old to still be used, but first we need to get the leaky valves replaced on the washing machine, and find out why the steering fluid on the van is leaking.

    Thank you for the evidence that there's one other person out there with nothing hanging on their walls. My plumber once asked me if we were minimalists. Ha. I don't remember what I answered. The complete answer would have been, "No, I just don't want to hang anything up until we paint, and I can't paint until we have the lighting redone and get the cracks in the sheet rock patched, and before that we need to get the creaky and sticky doors rehung. But I'm not ready to have any of that done because the workmen will interrupt my kids' naps."

    I think your kitchen looks great--and look, roses!

    Suddenly I'm feeling more shy of coming to the blog thing than I was before . . .

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  12. (Annnnd... a repost since I had posted my comment under a different account.)

    Dang it! That was a great blog post idea. I will have to wait sufficient time to create my own tour of realism so as not to look copy-cattish.

    BTW, where did you get the headboard? We have no headboard and yours looks like it would match The Thing At The End Of Our Bed.

    Also, the two-comforter thing is a GREAT idea! I hadn't thought of doing that.

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  13. How did you know I was feeling that way about Storymakers? Truly. It's almost as if you have superpowers.

    But, I'm sorry to say the post didn't work. You just showed us all how you manage to be so brilliant with your words in the face of mundane day-to-day life.

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  14. Oddly enough I keep meaning to do a post like this one because...yeah...I SO do not look like my facebook profile picture. I mean, it IS me...it's just me in the right lighting, the right angle (cameras with flip out screens ROCK, yo), etc...

    I'm totally open and honest about everything except what I and my house look like on a daily basis.

    So yeah, you've inspired me Sue! I'm so going to do this.

    You know, after I lose another fifty pounds or so and get a maid...

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  15. Your kitchen looks like mine, except for when we have swanky parties.

    Your baby is a cutie pie!!!!!

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  16. How funny! I've been having a crisis this week - after I read your post about your daughter I started thinking of my life and BFF situations through out it. I realized I always had a friend - maybe not a best friend but someone there when I started something new - junior high, college, new apartments, etc. Then I got married and have my husband to start new things with me.

    I then realized that I don't have anyone to come with me on Saturday and I'm chubby and my eyebrows look horrible and I started freaking out and trying to think of excuses to get out of it.

    But I'm challenging myself and I'm coming anyway. Will Valium be served?

    And I met you at the quilting thing and thought you were stunning. Seriously - you have amazing skin tone!! I wish I looked as bad as you without makeup!! (And if you don't believe me - I'll just add a few more exclamation points!!!!)

    And I'm jealous of your headboard.

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  17. Your house is so freaking clean with all those little kids around. Mine never looked that way when the kiddos were younger.

    I take your slacker mom and raise you triple.

    And I wish I could come on Saturday. Sigh. I have a class to attend!

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  18. Oh, that baby!!! Was there a picture of you there, too?

    Dude, you're beautiful. Seriously.

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  19. Really good post. For the most part, people are people. We gotta stop trying to pretend ... what's that funny smell? Yeah, my 4 yo pooped on the floor again. TTYL.

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  20. I want your kitchen.
    Granted, I don't have my own kitchen currently, so any kitchen works, but I want your kitchen.

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  21. k, I have been told that others lived like me but didn't really believe it, UNTIL NOW!

    My bedroom looks a little different though. In addition to the soda cans I have a mountain of laundry on my bed that generously spills onto the floor. It covers the carpet at the end of the bed. It is a constant state, so much so that I haven't been able to vacuum my room for months. (there, I said it!)

    You are awesome Sue and if I lived in UT I would be there. Have a great time.

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  22. The very fact that you were willing to post all of that, including photos of you, means you're cool. And I am intensely envious of your coolnessess.

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  23. Oh, and I like that you hang your baby in the bathroom. That's where my baby sleeps, no joke. JEALOUS YET?

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  24. NO WAY IN H-E-L-L will I ever post photos of the laundry room. NO WAY.

    That is my do-not-cross line. DO NOT CROSS.

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  25. You had me at two sets of sheets :-)

    Cute baby!

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  26. Pretty sure just the cuteness of your baby makes you glamorous. All that other stuff is just outshone. ;)

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  27. Do people really have more than two sets of sheets for their bed?

    You had me at DDP.....nectar of the gods, and necessary for my sanity!

    Seriously LOVED the post idea! I have honestly quit reading blogs because all they talk about is the perfectness of their lives and the only pictures we see are out of architectural digest. Not for me! Glad to really see that you are like the rest of us. I should do one of those posts sometimes....mind if I copycat?

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  28. I totally missed the office photo the first time through. We JUST replaced a chair very much like yours. The truth is that the new chair is less comfortable, but I keep telling myself it's worth it.

    Then my family wanted to still keep the old chair and I said NO. My husband carefully patched the torn part of the seat with duct tape before sending it to Savers.

    Also, I totally neglected to complement your adorable baby and your pretty self, which was a major oversight.

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  29. Disclaimer: I really did teach my daughter to clean her room and do the dishes. She is just the rebellious type! Beautiful, but rebellious. Sue's Mom

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  30. Ok, I totally loved this post! And I really really want to come on Saturday but my husband would totally make fun of me. Something about hanging out with a group of people you've never met but know so much about because you blog-stalk them and yada yada yada. Oh, and I don't have a blog. I know that's not required to attend but I have a feeling the blog-police will be there and ask me for my blog card which I don't have and then they'll take me away in handcuffs and put me in blog-stalker jail and then I'll have to admit out loud that were really not friends. Sigh.

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  31. My favorite part: "whatever whatever self-esteem boosting WHATEVER."

    Think I can get that in vinyl?

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  32. You are superawesome :) I love your blog! Have I said that before...

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  33. Not that I'm competitive or anything, but I have WAY more dirty dishes in my sink that you do. My kids are learning to cook and bake, however, when it comes to cleaning up after themselves, they are clueless.

    Do people even make their beds anymore? Seriously?

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  34. I do know how to spell compliment, and the difference between compliment and complement. I swear that's a typo.

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  35. I knew we would be friends the minute I read your blog. I'm still unshowered and in sweats and it's 2:19pm in the afternoon. Oh, and if you leave the crumbs lying around they make a great pre-dinner snack for toddlers!

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  36. I would come if I lived up there. Alas. I am in the warm and dry end of the state.

    I tied quilts with my guild last week, though, and sewed dresses with the church ladies this week. So I'll count that for now.

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  37. Oh good. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who didn't have a headboard for the first 6 years of marriage. Oh, who am I kidding. This is the first headboard I've had IN MY LIFE! Guess my parents weren't into furniture either.

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  38. Love to see pictures of normal! Love your blog :)

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  39. Your baby is adorable, and you don't look all that bad yourself, you know. :)

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  40. Well, she should be pretty nervous about meeting me. I'm pretty awesome.

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  41. Adorable and delightful Sue. I know you didn't intend to receive hundreds of confessions about lack of housekeeping skillz (or motivation, or whatever), but seriously? I just bought a headboard (from Ikea, cheap and portable) after being married 8 years. We had separate comforters for a while, but then my kids requisitioned mine, which was the one my mom gave me when I turned 12, with hearts and tulips and see-through sections. So now we share. I bought a third set of sheets recently, but it doesn't really count as a third because the first is pretty transparent.

    The "art" we have on our walls is all homemade. One day, I was feeling dejected because of a kindly neighbor trying to suggest ways to brighten up the walls, so I got out some big paper, drew some frames with magic marker, and instructed my kids to fill them in. They're fantastic. And taped to the wall.

    I don't clean the kitchen, nor do the dishes. If those things happen, it's because the man of the house does them.

    The walls are otherwise painted the same cream they were when we moved in. Decorate? Me? Hmph.

    I'm not in Utah, so won't be around for any festivities, but I'll be missing out. Mostly I would prolly go find you and laugh loudly and tell spastic stories in a vain attempt to feel like I was fitting in. Even that would be worth it, though. Have fun.

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  42. You ARE glamorous and famous and fabulous and HAWT. I'm just frumpy.

    But, I'm venturing out of my cave so I'll see you on Saturday. I wonder if should wear my snuggie?

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  43. Anonymous7:14 PM

    Loved this post! It's so refreshing to see the way "real" people, (such as myself) live; with stacks of "willy-nilly" paper and only two sets of sheets! I'm impressed that you scrub toilets. That's a task I'm VERY good at procrastinating....or delegating....to the children/slaves.

    You're awesome!

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  44. Your house looks like what my house looks like when it is CLEAN. And I agree about never showing anyone my laundry room, seriously people have been known to go completely catonic with just a peek.
    And I sleep on the couch due to a complete lack of a bedroom at the moment.
    BTW I think you are awesome and I would never question your awesomeness. EVER.
    :)

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  45. Your spectacular! I love the real, very human, much like me, you!

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  46. I think that often times people do themselves and the people around them the disservice of pretending to be perfect. Knowing that others are human too just helps us all feel a little less lonely :) Thanks for the post.

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  47. U R A very brave woman. I could never do that! But happy to know I'm not the only woman that NEVER makes her bed.

    As dance dance grobbie, would say.
    "U R AWESOME"

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  48. You only had a mattress and frame? I don't even have a frame. Our full size box spring sits on the ground, with a queen size mattress on top of it (Big Lots gave us the wrong size box) and a hand-me-down but oh-so-lovely queen pillowtop sits on top of that.

    I am SO THERE on Saturday. (Assuming I don't pop this baby before then. Will there be any midwives in attendance?)

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  49. I love you even more now that I know you have a big down comforter on your bed.

    How do some people not 'get' that that is the worlds most comfy way to sleep? We might be soul mates.

    I love them so much I have two on my bed. Sometimes they don't let me get out of bed in the morning at all and the kids fend for themselves. True story.

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  50. I love you, Sue.

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  51. Hm. I toy sometimes with posting pictures of my house in case people ever mistake me for awesome, but I should just repost your pics because that's about what it looks like around here. Only we're currently squeezed into 1100 square feet, so that makes it extra special.

    Then again, your little one has the cutest smile EVER so if you're like me, the cleaning of counter tops and other Important Domestic Duties get neglected because I'm too busy watching the Baby (nay, Toddler) Grant Show and all of his deliciousness.

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  52. Okay I feel so much better looking at those pictures and having to take a double take because I thought you had secretly took pictures of MY house!

    Sigh...

    so nice.

    You look great BTW... I'd scare everyone if I posted something like that.

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  53. Loved this post Sue.

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  54. I was going to come, but now I don't think I can. I thought you were all perfect just like me, turns out I was wrong.

    Shucks.

    (Enter maniacal laughing. Seriously, I can't stop.)

    We are so alike it's scary. Seriously.

    And that baby is dang cute.

    And I can't wait to see you again.

    Even if your house is cleaner than mine.

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  55. I love that you are a REAL person! More power to ya! Thanks for the much-needed smile today :).

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  56. So... I never thought you were a fictional character, but it seems from many of the comments posted that a person is "real" only if their bed is unmade and the kitchen sink is full.

    What's that all about?

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  57. I love that you posted this including the pictures. My bed looks almost identical to yours. We have white sheets (only 2 sets also), a white comforter, and it is never made. You're the best! I think the flash picture of you and Josh is so cute!

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  58. You ARE awesome. More of us need to let each other know we don't live in perfectly perfect houses. Thank you for taking the pressure off! Go Sue!

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  59. You are gorgeous and fabulous blurry:) Are you going to the Storymakers conference?

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  60. Someday I'd like to aspire to own a headboard. For now I sleep on Grandpa's old bed...and only occasionally do I get to do so WITH my husband. When he is home, we're a two-comforter couple. My bedside table is a mass of empty Coke Zero and DDP cans/cups.

    I think with blogging, most women are tempted to only show their "perfect" or "overly adequate" self. We want to keep up with the Joneses, and nobody likes to read a blog that's a downer all the time (except of course, if you have a sick/dying child/spouse/neighbor)Thank you for showing the world that nobody is perfect, not even Sue.

    I've been excited for the brunchy thing since the moment it was announced. Can't wait for tomorrow!

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  61. OH how I love you.

    That is all.

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  62. Sue, you make me feel so much better about myself. Not in a, look, at least I'm better than her way, but in a totally, see, I'm not the only one kind of way. Except I don't have a headboard.

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  63. Thanks for that post. I have those same feelings of shyness/inadequacy about meeting other bloggers IRL and it helps to put it in perspective. We're all good and bad, fabulous and lame, and it's nice to see that your house looks pretty much like mine does most of the time. Because I know a lot of people with totally fabulous houses and they do intimidate me because I imagine everyone (but me) keeps a fabulous house!

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  64. You have just described my home and life. Well, except...minus the sauce--I'm not back on it. Also, my kids are older.
    And, I have brown hair.

    I feel we've grown closer because of this post.

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  65. Love the pictures, they are THE best! And I"m going to go try not to criticize myself to death that I just realized that the 20th was yesterday...I am SO BAD AT TIME. I don't know what to do about it. Apparently some parts of planet Earth, like time and days and months and years but especially minutes and hours will never, ever ever sink in I'm afraid. So, when is the next get together? Maybe if I start planning now, I'll make it.

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  66. I just found your blog and I love it, so adorable. I love that you share the real life stuff that a lot of women seem to hide on their blogs. I'm sad I didn't find out about the luncheon, it sounds like it would have been really fun.

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  67. Ahhh!!! Looks like home!!

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  68. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that little dose of reality. I'm so overwhelmed right now (just like all of the othe Mormon moms in the world) that I'm very grateful to be reminded that it's O.K. (and even normal) to be Lame and Awesome at the same time. :)

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