It's Not Stealing If You Pretend It's A Meme

I'm completely stealing the idea for this post from Beck, who went through her blog drafts and posted the opening lines from posts that never quite made the cut.

In accordance with the rules of the (ahem) meme, I give you...

My Post Rejects:

UNFINISHED POST #1: SLURP

Tomorrow is our church party. I'm on the party planning committee, and I'm in charge of refreshments. This is a very good thing, because I'm kind of an expert on eating. Not baking or cooking or catering or anything like that, but the actual eating part.

I'm almost Seussical in my abilities - I can eat in a house or on a boat, in a car or with a goat. I am not picky. I will eat almost anywhere. (It's good to be flexible about locations where you eat.)

Sometimes I think maybe I will join the competitive eating circuit. Sometimes I'm flipping channels and I run across some news story about people eating 50 hot dogs in ten minutes and I think, I could TOTALLY do that. As a former bulimic, my binging skills are second to none.

(Does this post make me look fat? Yeah, that's what I thought. Saved to Drafts.)

UNFINISHED POST #2: How to Win Friends and Influence People... WITH THE POWER OF YOUR MIND

(Um..... That was as far as I got.)

UNFINISHED POST #3: Efficiency

Sometimes instead of working I like to play this little game where I open up my gmail and just hit refresh over and over and over again. I could do something constructive like oh, work, or even, say, answer the other 500 emails I already have, but this does not satisfy me. I want something new! And exciting! So that I can think about it! And then ignore it FOREVER! Because this endears you to a LOT of people.

(I kept starting to write this post, but then I'd think - hey, wait, did I already write something like this? Because it seems like I wrote something like this. And now I've seen it so many times that I'm not sure if I actually inserted this into a post somewhere or if I'm just imagining it because I've read it so many times. It's CRAZY-MAKING.)

UNFINISHED POST #4: HELLO - It's Not Embarrassing Unless It's Embarrassing To ME

Husband (referring to the Cordy blog after I came out of the closet about it): Just keep writing it, you know you want to finish it.
Me: It's too embarrassing now that people know it's not real.
Husband: What, NOW you have boundaries? (shakes head and walks away muttering about bankruptcy posts)

(This post made it sound like my husband didn't want me to post about our financial meltdown, when he really could not have cared less. I think. I mean, I'm pretty sure.)

UNFINISHED POST #5: Nature vs. Nurture

Sarah was a very mellow baby. She was easy and happy and very portable. We could take her anywhere and she never fussed. She spent most of her time cooing and smiling and was generally delightful – qualities I attributed to my obviously superior parenting skills. How could anyone doubt it? MY baby was well behaved. MY baby didn't cry. MY baby sat quietly in restaurants and through church. Oh, if only the other mothers could benefit from my excellent parenting example.

When Sarah was 16 months old, Abby was born. And Abby was TICKED.

(Ah, humility. Sometimes you learn your lesson slowly, and sometimes God just kicks you right in the teeth.)

(The beginning was o.k., but the rest of the post almost made Abby sound like some kind of rage-a-holic, when she's really very sweet and loving and kind. Filed in the "things I wouldn't want Abby to read in ten years" file.)

Your turn. I tag THE UNIVERSE.