An Awesome, Awesome Act

So you know that book the Five Love Languages? That book where you learn about what makes you and your partner feel the most loved? Because some people feel more loved when you give them a hug and other people are like "yeah, forget the hug, help me with this gigantic pile of laundry?"

I've never actually read it, but from what I've heard the five love languages are physical affection, verbal affection, presents, helping with laundry, and passing gas while holding your wife's head under the covers. (I told my husband that last one wasn't in there, but he continues to insist. CLASSY.)

I think my husband's love language is probably a mix between physical affection and quality time, and mine is probably a mix of a little physical affection and a LOT of verbal affection.

When I started working as a secretary at the tender age of eighteen it turned out that I was surprisingly good at the whole working thing. (Even with NO YOGURT INVOLVED! Who knew?!)

My very favorite thing about working was getting performance evaluations. Most people hated getting the evals, but I loved it. A chance to hear your boss tell you you're the best secretary in the history of secretaries and he hopes you'll never, never, never leave? What's not to love?!

(Later on, when my boss made me start writing all of the performance evaluations for the sales staff, directing me to use words like "average," and "middling," and "barely tolerable" I started to understand the whole mixed bag thing. Turns out it's pretty easy to be good at answering the phone.)

Anyway, because I was a dork with incredibly low self esteem, I kept all of my old performance evaluations in a folder so that I could read them when I was feeling bad about myself. (I know, how sad is that? I had issues.) A few years later I filed them away and completely forgot about them. I found them last year and made my husband sit and listen to the good parts so that he would understand more about how I got to be so awesome.

Me: "Honey, listen to this:

'Sue is by far one of the most exceptional employees I have ever had the pleasure of working with.'

Me: "The MOST. EXCEPTIONAL. Could you just DIE?!!"

Husband: "Your boss - he was like a 37 year old man, right? And you were 18?"

Me: "Don't be a pig. Ooooh, look over here in the Principle Weakness box:

'With such an exemplary employee, it is difficult to define any weakness or area requiring improvement.'

Me: "I JUST GOT CHILLS."

Husband: (wanders off)

How sad is it that reading a positive secretarial performance evaluation from (oh sweet beelzebub) eighteen years ago (holy CRAP) can still put me in a good mood? (Again with the issues.)

You know, the other love languages have their merits, but verbal affirmation is the BOMB. In fact, I've decided that from now on instead of anniversary cards, I would really rather have him give me a totally effusive performance evaluation that I can pull out and read periodically.

Man. I CAN'T WAIT FOR VALENTINES DAY.

PS: I don't really think I'm that awesome, in case you are wondering. It's just an act.

PPS: I'm still working on the NieNie book. I hope to announce a list of those who will be included in the book by the end of the month, and hope to have the book ready to purchase by the middle of November.