Tuesday, September 30, 2008

YOU GUYS! I AM GIVING AWAY ONE MILLION DOLLARS

Pin It No, I'm not really giving away one million dollars. That's a lie. Geez. Why does anyone believe a word I say anymore? I have no idea.

But I AM giving away fifty dollars in COLD HARD CASH. This is because I need my lurkers to come out and show the people I'm trying to con into asking to sponsor a new venture that you all exist and are not just figments of my imagination. There is apparently some concern about the strength of my connection to reality.

WHATEVER.

Unfortunately they wanted proof not only that that you EXIST, but also that you might sometimes do things like leave comments and click on stuff in exchange for dollars floating down from the sky, and I told them that OF COURSE you would do that, they shouldn't even have to ask, because a) free money and b) that whole thing where I have magical powers.

They wanted more detail on that part of it, so I told them all about how I have become skilled in the art of controlling people using the power of my super secret brain thought waves. I even showed them a pie chart of times when I really wished people would leave me a comment and then they did, but they weren't buying it. (Everyone's a cynic.)

They thought it would be better if I just ran a contest.

Humphh.

So thanks to them, all you've gotta do is leave a comment on this post before midnight (US mountain time) on Thursday, 10/2, and you're entered to win. See how easy that is?

SO EASY.

Oh, also, if you use Technorati, you can make me a Technorati favorite by clicking on that green and white doohickey over there on the right, and you'll get an extra entry. Just make sure your comment indicates that you also made me a Technorati favorite, and they'll check it using their high tech Technorati favorite checking checker or something. I don't know.

THE END.

PS: You don't have to be a lurker to enter.

460 comments:

  1. Hoohoo! Where can I sign up? :)

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  2. I'm in - and I love your blog by the way - it keeps me sane!

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  3. I'm here lurking and loving all your posts.

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  4. I fully anticipate to not win, because I never win stuff like this, but if it helps you out...

    Good luck to you, and especially to me! :)

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  5. I'm delurking for cash. Hard times... hard times...

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  6. Ha! I will comment even though I never win anything. Anything to help a fellow blogger. :o)

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  7. Usually I lurk, but lately I've been commenting. I think this might be the third time. I'm obviously proof of your mind-control powers. Tell them that. Then send me $50. Or a million after you patent the mind-control thing. I'll even promote it with you if you want. And can I be your best friend? Wow, that's one powerful mind you've got.

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  8. I might be able to buy gasoline with that - but only just a leetle.

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  9. I guess I mostly lurk, but I think I've left you a few comments, haven't I? Anyway, I love your blog and I really want to win money. :-)

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  10. Okay! You pulled me out of lurking for this one! Maybe I'll get lucky...and I'm not talking about in the bedroom...I'm talking at the gas pump! :)

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  11. Here I am! Here I am! I'm a real person, commenting on one of my favorite blogs!

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  12. I can't believe anyone would doubt the powers of your mind!

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  13. I'm a lurker :) De-lurker now I guess!

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  14. I LOVE cold hard cash! (And your blog. You are crazy. In a good way.)

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  15. I could use $50. I have two mortgages. Pick me.

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  16. Another lurker de-lurking in order to win some cash

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  17. Add me to your minions. I love reading your blog. Is there any chance you sang last Saturday night at the women's broadcast? I actually found myself looking for you when they panned the choir. Just a random crazy though. Did I mention I am a bit of a stalker? You might want to watch out for that.

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  18. Oh might prize god dispensers... please pick me for that cold hard cash.

    I clicked on the technorati-doo-hickey-thinger-bober... but it hasn't started raining cash yet.

    Men, yes. Cash no.
    (I jest. not really. just sort of)

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  19. I'm delurking to win that million dollars! But if y'all pronounce million as "fiff-tee," well that's ok too. I believe in equal opportunity blog reading.

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  20. Well you pulled this lurker out of the closet... love your blog! you are unbelievably funny....

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  21. Fifty bucks? I guess I can type a few words for that. ;)

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  22. Consider me officially de-lurked

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  23. Hi, long time lurker here proving that I do exist. I would also like to win the $50.00.

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  24. I love your blog. And bribing people to leave comments seems right up my alley, if only someone would give me the money to bribe them with...

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  25. I'll delurk, not for the money, but to help you out by proving I exist. The money would be nice though :)

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  26. I wasn't at the broadcast, but my aunt swears I had a twin there. I WONDER IF SHE HAS MAGICAL POWERS TOO???!!!

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  27. I don't even care about the cold hard cash.. OKAY I DO but I still would have said something in support of you... I come often. OKAY like daily (sheesh)....
    I am a lurker and you care what I have to say.. YOU CARE... I love this place

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  28. Well yeah we exist! And how nice of you to offer a contest. I'll click on something too. :-)

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  29. 50 bucks would make my day. Thanks for all the hilarious posts!

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  30. I'm a newcomer, but I'm having fun and intend to keep visiting!

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  31. I am real. (Most of the time...)

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  32. I can't wait to get my million dollars! And I think if you want to get lots of comments, you should promise to post a photo of your new haircut if a certain goal is reached. :)

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  33. So what you're saying is I should leave a comment here, for no reason other than to prove that I do, in fact, exist?

    Bring it.

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  34. Leaving a comment now...

    "Gimme da cash!"

    I'll even ask nicely...

    "Please, Gimme da cash!"

    And I am flabbergasted that the sponsor wanted proof of your powers. How could they not just look at you and know? Are your powers on the fritz?

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  35. I'm a sucker for the $50 bucks... hey, that's one package of diapers at Costco OR half a tank of gas. (Boy, our economy bites right now.)

    Plus I'm happy to prove to any corporate skeptics out there that I'm a fan of your blog.

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  36. *in monotone zombie voice* We will comment. We will click. We will do whatever Sue says because, as her pie chart clearly indicates she has us all under her complete control. Her MIND control... Oooooooo.

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  37. I'm a lurker, but delurked in another post...can I delurk more than once???

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  38. "Lurk" is such a negative word. I prefer... something else. Can't think of anything (which is why the lurking).

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  39. Here I be, in all my blog stalking glory.

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  40. Good luck on your sponsorship! Your posts always make my day!

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  41. Great, now you have ME questioning whether I exist. Please stop using your magical mind powers on my (non magical, undercaffeinated) mind.

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  42. I'm totally taking off my homemade aluminum foil Etsy hat (I wonder if I could actually sell some on Etsy, because anti-thought control aluminum foil hats are actually something I could make) so you can control my mind using your super secret thought brain waves...

    ...I feel it working already, and I'm clicking like crazy all over the place!

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  43. For some reason, I feel compelled to comment.
    It's like my fingers have been taken over by some other unknown power.......

    Is it you????

    Are you the one controlling the typing of my fingers on the keyboard??

    It's your magical mind controlling powers!! I KNEW IT!!

    So, that probably means that you're the one making me eat all that chocolate too.

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  44. Good luck with your business thing. I've only been lurking for a few days, but I like what I read.

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  45. 50 dollars? sweet. i will emerge from lurkerville to comment

    by the way, i do the exact same thing when people call me on the phone.

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  46. WOW! Pick me!!! I love stalking your blog.

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  47. You can count on me. Literally.

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  48. I looked, I liked, I lurked.
    Now I shall de-lurk.
    I've commented a couple times before, I've even emailed you. Does that count as a lurker? I guess I'm out of the lurking closet.

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  49. Oh fine, sheesh! I'm out of hiding... but I really wish it was a million instead of just fifty... I will take fifty though.

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  50. I clicked on their tecoramy link and it isn't raining money on me either. I subscribed to your blog partly because you're funny, and i LOVE the title to your blog. I have a picture of our son on a stock photo sight that matches the title. Reminds me of it every time I come here. http://www.stockxpert.com/browse.phtml?f=view&id=6167

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  51. OOh! Maybe this will be the start of that dream I had last week where I had $55,000.00 in my savings account. Count me in!

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  52. Comments for money. I feel so cheap.

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  53. I'm always willing to leave a comment to help out a friend in need. Too bad I'm a Technorati virgin. Maybe I should look it up and see why it's so cool...

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  54. Show me the money! hehe hmmm $50 . . .a pedicure, lunch and maybe a movie - oh yeah!

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  55. Have I commented before? I'm a lurker on many blogs who delurks occasionally if I feel I can add something (or get something...). I don't think I can usually add much to your posts. You're awesome. (Did that score me a couple extra brownie points?)

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  56. Emily M.1:02 PM

    Ooh, pick me, pick me!!

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  57. Anonymous1:02 PM

    Just found your blog the other day. You're too funny! Your mind-control powers are clearly working because I'm delurking just for you (...and the 50 bucks...but mostly for you.) Thanks for making me laugh!

    Anita Jo
    anitajo72 (at) yahoo (dot) com

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  58. I'm delurking myself because I think you and your blog are totally awesome. And also because I like $50. But mostly because you are awesome.

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  59. I'm here! I'm here!

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  60. I don't win anything...*hangs head and sulks*...but for you Sue I will do anything! (Are you listening people?!) So here is my comment to let you know how superbly amazingly awesome you are...even though I never win anything...so actually what I'm trying to say is I'm NOT doing this for the prize...cause, you know, I never win anything.

    BUT if you think I'm deserving............

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  61. Thanks for the comment. :) Your hair looks darling! I think it makes your face look thinner than in the header photo.

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  62. wow! just straight out bribery! I haven't seen that in a giveaway before!

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  63. I lurk, I admit it. I love your blog and check it multiple times a day. You are hilarious and I love you (not in a stalker way).

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  64. Ok! Tell those people that I. Am. Real. and no imaginary figment! Geez, people are so cynical these days.
    And please enter me to win. It's my birthday.

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  65. I comment, therefore I am...

    I have also given you a shout out in my blog
    http://jillerbreport.blogspot.com/2008/08/most-beautiful-part-of-blogging.html

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  66. Anonymous1:12 PM

    un-lurk

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  67. first of all i need to tell you that i'm desperately sad i haven't had the time to do an entry for the blog book. like i'm depressed about it. unfortunately my son is incredibly high maintenance and wants nothing to do with being put down for longer than 5 minutes.

    so there's my explanation.

    and i could use 50 bones. who couldn't?

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  68. My first comment on one of my favorite blogs. No longer a lurker I guess!

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  69. Bribery is totally the new black. I figure why beat around the bush, right?

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  70. Jill s1:17 PM

    Well my goodness.

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  71. I am officially leaving my comment and I want to know who "THESE PEOPLE" are...because I can do better than a pie chart...I can show them 3-D graphic charts that will blow their minds...in exchange for money to give away on my blog! lol!

    Oh and I made you a Technorati favorite...or will make you one as soon as I figure out just how to do it! thanks!

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  72. I'm not a lurker - but maybe I'll still win.

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  73. Tonia1:21 PM

    Lurker coming out, for the love of $$$$.

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  74. I am not a lurker! I will comment and make myself KNOWN!!!

    Especially for $50 bucks man.

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  75. I haven't ever commented, but I love a chance to help out! (Must be those mind-control powers of yours.) I love reading your blog because you make normal, crazy, frustrating life into something funny.

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  76. It's me- the girl that the first time I ever read one of your posts I hurried and left a message about how you should totally write for a living. Then, I found out that you did and felt like a complete moron, so I went back to lurking! Anyway, I'm out of lurking in hopes of winning and I did the Technorati thingy (even though I'm computer stupid and don't really know what I did!)

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  77. Present and accounted for.

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  78. Come out, come out where ever you are!

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  79. The things that bring the lurkers out, eh?

    I love you and your blog, I just prefer to lurk in the shadows.

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  80. This is one of my favorite (and funny)daily blog reads!

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  81. Comment!

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  82. Fifty bucks? I can leave a comment for that. And I added you to my Technorati favorites too. Actually - you must be my actual favorite blogger because you're the only one on my list!

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  83. Sure! For the possibility of $50 I'll delurk. You're a funny, funny woman. Blogs were invented for great writers like you to have a platform.

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  84. can't. stop. typing. must. submit. to. mind. powers.....


    Dang you're good!

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  85. Pick Me! I like your hair more than anyone else! (Does kissing up help?) Oh, and your blog is my favorite too!

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  86. Count me in! I love to lurk but I also love to leave comments!

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  87. I've loved your blog for months, and I love your new hairdo, regardless of what your family thinks!

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  88. I'll stop lurking for $50 - love your blog by the way

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  89. Kelly1:51 PM

    I'm at work, lurking, lol love your blog!

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  90. Love your blog now that I found it.

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  91. I could use $50!

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  92. Me, me me, me! I need fifty dollars (don't we all). And I even follow your blog, so I'm not even a pretend reader).

    Although I at first thought this was to announce the winner of the funniest entry by some date in Sept. contest. Are you going to announce that?

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  93. I'm a lurker. Love your blog - and would love $50! :-)

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  94. In this economy, everyone could use an extra 50 bucks. I'm in.

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  95. Danae2:02 PM

    I feel so manipulated.

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  96. Two comments in one day? You're asking a lot of me. But I'll do it for you. And for me.

    Pick me, pick me! :)

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  97. i'm a lurker. and i want 50 bucks please.

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  98. Thora - yes, I'm going to announce it RIGHT AFTER I get done reading all of the entries :>

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  99. I'm a big time lurker, but I really do love this blog!

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  100. pick me, pick me!!

    Love your blog!

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  101. Sorry, I HAD to!

    Seriously, if that messes you up, you can delete those. Or, um, I'll help you count, but I'm really bad with numbers.

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  102. Anonymous2:12 PM

    I'm a lurker and I'm totally in love with you.

    No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I DO sort of love you, but only in a platonic friend you make me laugh type way. I'm sure your husband will be relieved.

    -Rob Miller

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  103. I've been lurking for a few months, and the chance to win $50 has prompted me to comment. So, thanks for your blog... it's funnyish.

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  104. Love the blog ... check it every day

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  105. Donna in Ely2:18 PM

    A lurker coming out of lurkdom here!! Love the blog and understand about haircuts as I am growing one out now.

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  106. I am under your mind control. I'm even a real person!

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  107. Guess you know who your real friends are, eh?
    I love your hair.

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  108. Carrie2:23 PM

    Count this lurker in. I don't have a blog, but I am addicted to reading blogs, so there you go. Find me at carrieaw at yahoo dot com.

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  109. I'm a non-lurker...thank heaven you threw that last bit in or I wouldn't have bothered.

    Sue rocks. She controls me via her superdee-duperly powerful brain waves.

    Come one people - pie charts weren't enough for ya?

    Oh, and I technoratied you too (yup, it's a verb now). Cheers!

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  110. Here I am!

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  111. If I had 50 bucks for everytime someone asked me to personally comment on their blog to recieve 50bucks, I'd have.....50 bucks. Hopefully???

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  112. Lurker alert. Your blog is the funniest of the funny.

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  113. Wow! And here I am posting nude photos on my blog in an attempt to increase my popularity......
    You are the epitome of genius, Sue......I bet you're sitting back in your chair laughing an eeeevil muah ha ha! and maybe even peeing in your pants a little over all of us pathetic wannabes who actually believe that you're giving away cold hard cash.....
    I already have a date with a friend tonight to see a movie and go dumpster diving for food......but we'll keep warm with the hope that in a few days there will be enough of your fake money in our pockets to make a killing on Wall Street;)

    You did say the prize goes to the person with the longest comment, right?

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  114. Hi. I've been better at commenting, but I still don't do it that often.

    I'm torn between commenting on all my favorite blogs and doing laundry because my husband is out of underwear. I usually do the laundry.

    But I should just go buy him more underwear, huh!

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  115. Yes, I'm a lurker. But I think you're funny & interesting & I subscribe to your blog. And I just added you to my Technorati faves.

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  116. Pick me, Pick me! I'm not a total lurker..I've commented before, but lay low. But I will find my voice for $50.

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  117. Tell "those people" that "we" are not "figments of your imagination"...we are real, and we think you are fabulous!
    Good luck with your new endeavor.

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  118. I LOVE your haircut. Short hair is my favorite, which is why mine is short. (And mine is shorter than yours. Does that make you feel better? Probably not, but, hey, I tried.)

    So if we really like your new do, can we have an extra entry?

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  119. Do you realize how low you have sunk? You are paying for comments. That's pathetic.

    P.S. Tell me if it works.
    P.P.S. I'm doing the Technorati thing.
    P.P.S. Who is "they"? It's the Iranians, isn't it?

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  120. I hope there isn't a blood relations stipulation or anything, because count me in!

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  121. Kathy2:53 PM

    De-lurking to comment and to tell you that I like the new haircut! What do kids know...

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  122. All I read was that you're giving away a billion dollars! I hope it's true and not some scheme to prove to some guys that people really do come to your blog.
    I really hope I win, I can't wait to donate all that money to charity.

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  123. The word lurk always makes me think of Lurch. I am a little bit mysterious and spooky, I guess. Oh, and ass broke, too.

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  124. Pick me, pick me. I'm a poor grad student living off student loans. Pick me.

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  125. holy crow...look at all these comments. I think you're hilarious...I read your blog to cheer myself up. In my head, we're great friends. Thanks.

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  126. Consider me entered.

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  127. i'm coming out of the woodwork. hope it helps.

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  128. Wow, that's a lot of comments!

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  129. I love contests! Consider me entered!

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  130. eeeeesh. here i have a holy shrine to All That Is You and i'm still a lurker. i feel the love. ok, so no, i don't comment very often. and sometimes? i drop by and don't.even.click.on.a.link. but i still think you're marvelous and i'm never above groveling when it comes to 50 smackers. p.s. did i tell you i love your hair?

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  131. Love your blog. I lurk often and laugh everyday.

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  132. I'm a lurker and I love coming over here... It makes me smile. :) --See, like that.

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  133. You DO TO have magical powers - SHEESH!

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  134. Just for you, just this once I will delurk. Of course, if I did happen to win $50 I would probably delurk a lot more. Oh, but this whole convincing people to invest in your idea is based upon the idea that we comment, so yeah, I'm definitely never going to lurk again, call me commenter extraordinaire, just because of you! (I also accept chocolate.)

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  135. Hey I'm always willing to help a sister out. Here's another hit.

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  136. Are you making up 153 log-ins again? Geez, you should get a job or something.

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  137. You are hysterical! I'd read your blog even if you didn't pay me--however, I won't turn down cash! BTW, the first person to respond to this post (Lauren)is my daughter and today is her 26th birthday. Happy birthday, Lauren!!

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  138. I mostly lurk. And I don't really care that much about $50. But you just made it sounds really important that I say something. I'm a giver. So there ya go.

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  139. Okay, I'll do it for the money though, Not because I enjoy reading your blog. Cuz I never do. Just when when my kids are napping, or sometimes right before I go to bed, or when I'm supposed to be doing laundry, or cooking, or whatever. Okay, you got me, I'm a huge fan!

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  140. Lisa T.3:18 PM

    Love your blog. You crack me up!

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  141. woooooo contest... me likey

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  142. Count me in. And remember I'm your very favorite aunt. Thanks in advance.

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  143. Here I am de-lurking. Gees, the things we do for money :)

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  144. Hi...I think you're funny. Thank you for disliking Twilight as much as I do. Keep up the posts, and dress my naked son with $50.00. Por favor?

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  145. I'm a lurker - a lurker who keeps hoping one day we will bump into each other in Kohler's and I will act like I have no idea who you are and we will hit it off right away and be best friends and...dang it, I totally just gave away my plans all for the hopes of winning 50 bucks.

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  146. I love your "My Head" photo. You're so cute!

    If you want your face to look huge-er and freaking-er, pose it next to my newborn's face. That's what I did. I really shouldn't have. Well... I already got my man so he's just stuck with a freaking huge-faced woman.

    BTW, I'm leaving a comment.

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  147. I'm a total lurker! Found your blog a few months ago and every morning I eagerly click on to see what new insight you have for me. My mom and I decided you were the most brilliant mom EVER after reading a post about how you send your kids to "clean up" and every so often you yell to them that they better be cleaning. We thought this was the most brilliant way of getting them to play and my mom wondered after having 18 grandkids why she hadn't thought of that. I'm always passing on bits of your wisdom to my sister and friends!
    Sorry so long!

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  148. Hello. I want money.

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  149. You're right, no one can resist cold hard cash. But I'd comment anyway :) The whole mind control thing is working great with me.

    So, when do we get to hear what the big idea is?

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  150. Not a lurker... but I want $$ anyway! Plus I totally Technorati faved ya

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  151. I'm here because I think you are hilarious. And should totally make money for your blog. Thanks for making me laugh!

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  152. If $50 could buy me a whitty sense of humor I'd start my own blog. They imitation is the sincerest compliment!

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  153. You crack me up! I'll de-lurk for you any day o'the week. :o)

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  154. I occassionally lurk... And hopefully, I spelled that right! :)

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  155. You done it now. Your mind control over me is working hard and you must be controlling my fingers now as I enter your contest.
    You are the queen of mind-control and magic.

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  156. I'm lurking and loving to read Sue. Sometimes I even click on your ads. *click* see, here I go *click*click*click*

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  157. I'm a lurker and a clicker.

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  158. so do i win the fifty bucks?!

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  159. Me! ME! Pick Me!

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  160. 177 comments already?!! now my lurking will never pay off

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  161. I'm a brand new reader! Love your blog already!!

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  162. We are your loyal subjects. Direct us, oh leader... Tell us what you would have us click on. Must... gaze... at... navel...

    Did these corporate cronies want to know if we could write too, or merely whether we could just find the keyboard? Take me through all the hoops. I can do somersaults, back flips, pirouettes, and cannonballs.

    Ultimately, I can't be bought for a price, though. So if I win, I'm donating all the money to the LAF (Lurkers Anonymous Fund). My comments are worth much more to me than $50. I do have scruples, you know.

    Unfortunately whoever wins this contest may develop a false sense of entitlement, with the idea that she can get something for nothing, and it will then probably lead down the road to ruin. First, she'll flunk English, and then drop out of school. She'll get maybe six months grace period and then she'll have to get a job, and you know what that means. That's right, she starts at the drive-up window and gradually works her way up from shakes to burgers. And then one day her lucky break comes — the french fry guy dies and she's offered the job. But the day she's supposed to start, some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell her she can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico... When she gets out of jail, she's 36 years old, living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find her, face down in the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner. And why? Because "you" had to give her a handout! You were too busy to really help her! Too busy to help a drowning woman! Enabler! Are you willing to have that on your conscience?

    I guess we should put in another $50 for the winner's rehabilitation also.

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  163. Anonymous3:54 PM

    How is it possible that I started blogging at the same time that you started blogging and I get like 4 comments, and you get 181? Oh, right, it's because you're funny. Shoot. Good job then. Carry on.

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  164. I wanna win 50 bucks! Love your blog!

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  165. And the lurkers all come out... 183 comments and counting!

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  166. I'll take a million any day. or I guess fifty will do.

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  167. wow! this is a week of giving!

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  168. Commenting for cash!

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  169. Anonymous4:01 PM

    DE LURK ING JUST FOR YOU

    Michelle L.

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  170. Making you a technorati favorite as well!

    You know I so deserve $50.

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  171. Totally a lurker. Love your blog!

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  172. :raises hand enthusiastically:

    Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!

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  173. I am lurking here almost everyday.

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  174. I've been reading your blog for a while and this is my first comment ever on your blog.

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  175. I'm in San Diego...and your new venture isn't imaginary, we'd love to hear about it and sign up and be apart of it. I only lurk what I like and that means you.

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  176. You caught me, I'm a lurker. I hope I win and that you get lots of comments!

    ReplyDelete
  177. I'm a lurker, but I only found you a few days ago! I'll comment!

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  178. oh such a smart way to get comments!!!
    i read your blog every now and then, mainly through links from the more the messier...
    my blog is: http://amphibianfroggie.blogspot.com/

    I tried to add google analytics. It's supposed to count for you how many persons read your articles...

    ReplyDelete
  179. [ delurk ]

    I don't need to win...I just figured if the numbers matter, I should comment. I peek in 3-4 times a week, at least...

    [ relurk ]

    ReplyDelete