Monday, September 22, 2008

Traitors

Pin It Yeah, you pretend you love me, but GOOGLE ANALYTICS TELLS ME THE TRUTH.

All you feed reading fair weather friends - only coming here when I actually bother to post something. I swear, YOU ARE SO DEMANDING.

How am I ever going to become a millionaire off of my blog if you don't come here every day, multiple times a day and click on every single solitary thing on the page? I mean really. Someday I'm gonna have sponsors, and those sponsors are gonna want you to click on things, and if you're all lazy and out-of-practice - well... I'm not quite sure how that's gonna work out. For me.

This is my main concern: how am I going to become blog famous and rich if you aren't all DOING YOUR PART?

I swear. I'm so disgusted that I just - I can't even post anything today. Nope. NO CANDY FOR YOU.

But I WILL give you links to read. Because I didn't do any service this month and linking is almost like humanitarianism for bloggers. (By the way, you should know that if I was blog famous, I would TOTALLY link to you. You know I would. I'd be all kind and benefactory like that. I'd be the great blog mentor, bestowing links and traffic upon all of my loyal followers. It would be like my charity work. Because I'm a giver.)

Go forth and read:

*ACK! CLARIFICATION, SINCE THERE IS SOME CONFUSION IN THE COMMENTS: Familiar as in = oh dear, I've SO BEEN THERE in that moment she wrote about, NOT familiar as in = hey, look, that blogger ripped off one of my posts. EGADS!

Did I just accidentally accuse Antique Mommy of plagiarism? ACK. ACK I SAY! (Apparently I am now British. The horror brings it out in me.) ACK!

(slinks off to make dinner)

56 comments:

  1. Texas Holly, er, June Cleaver Nirvana sent me over here, initially to your January post about the life cycle of a blog. You crack me up and are going immediately into my Google Reader! Great blog!

    Margaret

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  3. So what your saying, is that you're not at all flattered to make it onto some one's google reader? Shall I remove you? I'm trying not to look like a crazed foaming at the mouth stalker on your invisible stat counter.

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  4. I guess I will stop feeling lazy for checking you blog several times a day instead of say...doing something around the house. Now instead of checking because I am obsessed, I can take satisfaction knowing I am helping the Sue Empire grow to its fullest potential.

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  5. Brittney - THAT'S THE TICKET.

    NV - ACK! Do not remove, do not remove! Post retracted! Do not remove!

    Well, not retracted. JUST FOR YOU.

    I LOVE CRAZED FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. It is endearing.

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  6. I'm so happy I found your blog! You are a gem.

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  7. Let me get this straight - if I plagiarize you, you'll link to me? Hmmm....

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  8. Forgive me for not having memorized every post you ever wrote, but which post of yours is the Antique Mommy one supposed to be copying? That would help me judge, and I'm entirely too lazy to go looking for it myself.

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  9. "Linking is almost like humanitarianism for bloggers."

    So true. We're such a pitiful lot.

    Kate

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  10. No! Heavens. I didn't mean she was plagiarizing me - I meant that - the scenario is familiar. What with the children annoying me, and the regret. Yikes.

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  11. If YOU are not blog famous, pray tell, who is?!

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  12. Jane, I LOVE Alice/Finslippy. I didn't read the Nerve article, but most of her blog posts are just hilarious.

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  13. Plus she commented on my blog once, out of pity, and so I think that kind of means we're best friends. Sort of.

    If you squint.

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  14. Whaaa? I just got here and I don't get any candy? I want an Almond Joy! I want some SweetTarts!

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  15. Yum, sweet tarts.

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  16. Sue, forgive me if I'm wrong, but Alice didn't just leave you a comment, I believe she said that she wanted to make out with you.
    (feel free to delete this comment if it's not appropriate)

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  17. Whew - okay good to know she didn't plagiarize. THanks for clarifying that. And yeah, I can totally relate to losing it over a wad of tape and then feeling like the crappiest mom of the year award winner. It's a pretty sucky feeling.

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  18. Yes, Jill, it is true.

    Finslippy claimed she loved me with a very great love, once upon a time, back in the day.

    But as it turns out, she was just - filling my head with pretty, pretty lies.

    We had only a one-time comment fling, and then it was over and she NEVER CAME BACK.

    {{sob}}

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  19. So basically, it was just a NCMO?

    Poor you.

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  20. Maybe someday I'll write a post funny enough to be linked. By anyone.

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  21. Honey, I'm always here for you. You were the first commenter I ever had on my own blog. Seriously. You were my first.

    Um, except for me. Cuz I had to test the whole comment thing.

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  22. WHAT?! Finslippy wants to make out with Sue? I'm sure in context it was hilariously funny, but for those of us who weren't there... that's more than a little bit disturbing. Or is it just me?

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  23. Ok, ok. I'll click on something... Geesh! The pressure!

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  24. You are on my google reader woman, what else do you want? I put all 40,000 blogs that I read on the google reader thinking that it would save me so much time, and now I just obsessively check it all day long. But I am so happy when I see that you have a new post!

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  25. I promise that I'll check your site obsessively 10 or 12 times a day.
    Does that make you feel better? No?

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  26. I clicked on the ad just for you.

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  27. I'm thinking of going pro but I'm worried I'll keep writing posts titled "Click or I'll Kill Myself" and stuff like that.

    Ah, the life of the fragile ego'ed.

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  28. Well, I just wan to let you know that as a new (and seriously devoted) reader, I am still working my way through the archives, so I actually HAVE been reading almost every night-- new post or not. There's true devotion for you. Now can I pleeeeease have my sidebar button?? :D

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  29. You are the greatest, and oh so super blog famous! Thanks for making me laugh...a lot!

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  30. I need to get a reader, but then you won't have my persistent IP popping up again and again.

    But I do click 'cause I want to be friends with a millionaire some day. You're not going to forget your old friends when fame and wealth sweep you away, will you? Because then I'd have to pout. I must warn you that a pouting 41-year old is not a pretty sight.

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  31. Oh I see now, you linked to ME! I was wondering why my traffic counter was sweating so bad, he usually doesn't have to work that hard. I read this post but didn't go to any of the links, I thought the cooking thing was a recipe website.

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  32. Nothing against Antique Mommy but I would rather read you.

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  33. I'm busy trying to figure out how I can be funny enough to make it into your book.

    I think about it at night, because everyone really does, and all I can come up with is Bob Saget reruns.

    Darn it. I just want to be friends. I'll be back in an hour.

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  34. ps
    our friendship is no secret, I'm even thinking about changing my display name to Sue's friend Mary.

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  35. I love that reading the comments is almost as fun as reading the post! And I definitly have the reader! You are so clever.

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  36. I clicked on some stuff the other day for you. But I don't know if you can tell who clicked on what. because if you can't I just want you to know that I did. I want some credit!

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  37. Maddison10:36 PM

    Your "new crazy secret best friend" is SOOOOO funny!!! The two of you must have been separated at birth. Or something like that, anyway. :)

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  38. Thanks for turning me on to Antique Mama. She's my kind of people!

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  39. :D

    I haven't heard 'NCMO' forever. And now there's such thing as a cyber-NCMO? :)

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  40. Hell-o drama queen. Whatever, look at all of these darn comments. Now get yourself over to my new blog and bring a bunch of friends. Please.

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  41. Hehehe. You're funny.

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  42. people copy yo blog? thats crazy....

    who the hell is she in real life? is she yo neighbor?????

    maybe she got binoculars....you better watch out!!!!

    some people are crazy like that!!!!

    lol

    you're just so popular...i am new at blogging and i am seeing your blog on lots of people's blog lists!!!!

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  43. No, AM is NOT copying my blog. NOT copying my blog. No. Not copying. Ever. Ever ever ever ever.

    {{sigh}}

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  44. I'm always reading, just not commenting, because that involves effort, and I am lazy.

    Jane, your comment was pretty awful itself, but you know what? At least I would never, ever write anything that nasty about anyone else's work in a public forum. So that's a little bit of consolation. For me.

    Sorry to hijack your comments, Sue. You know I love you. I hope.

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  45. Well I just want you to know that I linked to you in my post today, so watch for the jump in traffic! Oh, wait. I'M the only one who reads my blog so THIS IS the jump in traffic. Sorry.

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  46. Oh crap, I didn't know I had to tell you that I linked to you on my blog! I thought it was a given, of course everyone has linked to you. You are Sue, enough said!

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  47. No - you don't need to tell me you linked to me! Link away - I LOVE IT :> Thanks.

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  48. Alice - you lie like a dog, you don't read my blog, but I LOVE you for lying. You are kind. The kindest. You are kind of kind.

    (Gosh, how do you turn me into this blithering fan girl? I have no idea. It's your gift.)

    (It's like if Dave Barry came to my blog.)

    (I mean, I'm THAT excited - I don't mean you're like Dave Barry.)

    Oh - never mind.

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  49. Have you seen the new Blogger trick of becoming a "follower" of another blog? Yeah, I'm a little obsessed with watching to see who my true believers are. :)

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  50. Ok. You ROCK. You rock so much that I (even though I don't know you) nominated you for a bloggy award on my blog. Cause heck! I needed a reason to link to you again from my blog. Cause I honestly think you are THAT cool :)

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  51. You can blame it on Google Reader!

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  52. Sue, I read your blog EVERY DAY. Yes. Every day.
    I have a present for you too, because I love you so much and I read your blog EVERY DAY. But, you have to come by my blog to get it. *sheepish grin*
    I'm going to waddle off now before I embarrass myself further. Too late. I know. You don't have to rub it in.

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  53. And yes, I totally copied April. I know.
    *waddles off again*

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  54. I may be contributing to your loss of page views per day...now I can obsessively click my own dashboard instead of your blog to see if you've posted anything new! I was afraid you thought I was some kind of crazy stalker, anyway. You are just THAT GOOD.

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  55. boo hoo, I have something just for you on my blog...check it, yo.

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  56. Well, I read your blog each time there is a post...and I click over to comment...but I guess if you don't post everyday I'm not over here everyday.

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