- Sometimes, when you are walking and listening to your Ticked Off playlist on your IPOD, you will feel the urge to kick some serious butt, and you will need to do some spontaneous karate chops and perhaps some boxing (depending upon how long it has been since you last saw Miss Congeniality). This is why it's important to go walking AFTER DARK.
- Sometimes, when walking through the very dark park on the very dark trail you will feel the urge to stop and warn your would-be attackers not to mess with you, by turning around, karate chopping the air and saying, "I SEE YOU. I KNOW YOU ARE THERE. I WILL KILL YOU. THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING." (For best results, say this in a very deep, evil sounding voice. This will scare away any would-be attackers and/or small children.)
- Sometimes you will get super super paranoid and you will all of a sudden break into a fast run, just to throw your would-be attackers off balance.
- Sometimes you will get very winded because hey, out of shape, and you will decide it makes more sense to just hide.
- Sometimes you will hide behind a tree and then you will realize, hey freak job, there's nobody there. But then you will think, WAIT, what if that's just what they WANT me to think, so you will wait there for another couple of minutes, just to be on the safe side.
- Eventually the need to pee will outweigh the need to be a total whack-a-doodle scaredy cat, and you will scurry off, heading for the safety of home as fast as your cowardly little carcass can carry you.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Ways To Be Dumb - Walking Edition