Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Let's Talk Some More About Me

Pin It My beautimous blog friend Kelly tagged me for a Seven Quirky Things About Me meme, which I've done before - here and here. But frankly, I cannot resist the subject matter (ALL ME, ALL THE TIME) so I'm gonna do it again, sort of. I'm changing it up a little.

Therefore, I give you:

Seven Things I Want

1. I think the whole problem with the way the news media is currently covering the mommy blogging milieu is that they aren't enough news stories about me, or interviews starring me, or enough articles about me being on Nightline (WHY AREN'T I ON NIGHTLINE?!!). Since Nightline has not called yet, I would like to be asked to speak at General Conference, and when I speak, I would like them to flash my blog address repeatedly on the bottom of the screen, like a scripture.

2. I want to start a blog called THE NAVEL GAZER COOKS where I would post all of my recipes and all of my pictures of things I cook, except I think everyone already knows how to make a bowl of cereal, so perhaps also I would give Photoshop tips, and maybe there would be some random pictures of horses or some such. I think that might be a good idea for a blog. Maybe.

3. I want to be thin. Yes. I do. I want to be thin, BUT, and I'd like to make this absolutely clear - I don't want to have to exercise unless I really feel like it (in other words, not often), and also, I want to eat lots of stuff in large quantities.

4. I want those jerks at Dyson to send me a freaking vacuum already.

5. I want to be able to fly using only my arms. This would help me out because I have places to go, but I'm afraid of planes. I don't like being in situations where vehicles are moving around without my input.

6. I would like our bankruptcy to be discharged tomorrow, despite the letter they sent letting us know our case was being "routinely audited." I would like that letter to spontaneously burst into flames. Ahhhhh, the Bankruptcy. IT JUST KEEPS. GETTING. BETTER.

7. In spite of that, or maybe because of that, I want my husband to know how much I love him. (Oh, I know that isn't funny. Whatever. It's my blog.) Seriously - I love you hon.

Remember when we got married - how I had that fit of laughter in the temple right before the wedding ceremony was supposed to start? I couldn't stop laughing, and everyone was staring, and my mom was kind of apologetically saying something about nerves, and you thought I was having some sort of panic attack. The truth is that I was so happy that day, and it just bubbled up out of me for a few minutes. That's still how I feel, even in the tough times. I feel lucky. I feel happy. I'm so happy to be with you, and I love you - no matter what.

55 comments:

  1. Well, you make me have fits of laughter - you are such a goof head.

    And I'm with you on #3. Whaddaya mean, I can't eat what I want?!

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  2. You're funny. Except for the bankruptcy stuff - that's no fun, I bet.
    I want to be thin under EXACTLY THE SAME CONDITIONS, too. I was bemoaning my weight the other day to my mom and she was like "eat less!" which caused me to shake my head sadly. She just doesn't GET it.

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  3. I'm down with nightline but GC? really? Too much pressure for me. But I like the idea of the blog address as scripture.

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  4. The flying idea? Not liking to exercise and flying by moving your arms seem mutually exclusive. Flying by thought might be a better option.
    And I wish I could find a 30-years-older version of your hubby. You are very blessed.

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  5. Whoa! Check out "No So Much" (Holly's blog). I'd make a link, but I'm not that computer savvy. You CAN fly by just moving your arms! Wish granted.

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  6. You are hilarious! "THE NAVEL GAZER COOKS" And I'm completely with you on #3.

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  7. Know what I want? I want to be such a fantastic witty writer that people flock to my blog and leave me HUNDREDS of comments. My husband told me yesterday, "Wow- you've got lots of comments on the last few posts on your blog. That Navel Gazer chic had got NOTHIN' on you." I had like 4 comments and his sarcasm was completely lost on me.

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  8. This is so funny. I would LOVE to be able to fly using just my arms!

    And what you say about your husband is beautiful.

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  9. trust me, you dont want a dyson. We had one, hated it and stuck to the cheap hoover. It works great (for about 3 years) then you buy a new one! Yes the dyson subject brought me out of lurking!

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  10. Oh!
    Number 7! That's what matters.

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  11. What a great meme. I'm with you about the cooking blog - only you forgot to mention repeatedly showing a great looking man butt in Wrangler jeans and chaps. That couldn't hurt, either.

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  12. Go ahead and burn the letter. Then burn the other related paperwork. That may (or may not) stump the auditor. Don't take my advice, I don't even play a lawyer on TV. I want to play a lawyer on TV.

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  13. So that last one was really, really sweet. Did your laughter get anyone else laughing? Cause that would make it funnier, if you got the whole room giggling.

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  14. Great post (like always)! That GC thing though...wow. I think EFY would be plenty. ;)

    And #3. Of course.

    Is it any consolation that I think you're totally awesome and that I check you before I (would hypothetically) check out some silly cooking blog?

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  15. I hope all your dreams come true. Except the flying one, because I would spontaneously combust from the jealousy.

    Your hubby is so lucky to have you, he really is. And vice versa, I imagine. The knowledge really helps us through the though times, even if it doesn't make them less tough exactly.

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  16. I'm with ya on the cooking blog idea...except I'd go the "what NOT to do" route, with pictures of the meals I force my family to eat. It's no wonder my son chooses to subsist on PB sandwiches.

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  17. How very sweet (that end bit)

    and NICE ONE tossing in the bit about the vacuum again. LOL!!!!

    I'm with you on the exercise and eating.

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  18. Sue, thank you. No, I mean it. You make the blogosphere a better place. I was laughing through this whole post!

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  19. I found your blog the other day (maybe yesterday). And I have to say that I am about to lose my job because I have been going back and reading all of your posts. I have already been entertained for at least 1 hour today and I can't stop! Thanks for helping me pass the time.

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  20. hello? I blog about Dyson all the time and have yet to get a free vacuum.

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  21. Shannon10:59 AM

    I would absolutely read a blog about how to make a bowl of cereal (as long as it was written by you!) If you made a blog about watching cement dry it would still probably the most entertaining blog ever :)

    p.s. Oh my goodness, that stuff about your husband was so sweet that I very nearly teared up a bit.

    p.p.s Previous poster, did your Dyson not come with the 5-year warranty? I don't know if thats standard on all of them, but you might want to contact Dyson, I'm pretty sure you can get your money back!

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  22. Can you just do a different Meme everyday? Because you crack me up! I think your blog is way better than that Dooce girl on Nightline! Speaking of Nightline, did you see last night's where they showed all the Mormon winners and participants of Reality shows? Interesting! Is it totally lame that I DVR Nightline?

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  23. Your people have spoken - all Sue all the the time.

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  24. Mommom12:49 PM

    I am not so sure I would ever publicly express a wish to speak in General Conference, or anywhere for that matter! Somehow things like that always manage to come back and haunt you, even if they did promise to put up your blog address :)

    And I also recently spent an afternoon reading all of the previous posts - which isn't something I've done on any other blog!

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  25. You are lucky. Life is good.

    Except it's going to get a lot hotter both here and there, and then there'd better be a pool to cool it down.

    Because sometimes life in Vegas can feel a little bit like you're living in hell.

    Just saying.

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  26. I want a Dyson, too. I told my my husband he would NOT be in the dog house if he got me one of those for my birthday. Or Mother's Day. Or Christmas. Not even for Valentine's Day, I don't think, because they are AWESOME!

    So in the event they send you more than one, you're more than welcome to ship it my way. I'll even pay for the shipping.

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  27. Maybe we could do a joint cooking blog about cereal, toast and how to serve raw baby carrots. Ya think?

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  28. Okay to begin with. Will you be my friend? But, only if you aren't skinny. I really don't think it is fair for people to be funny, cute, and skinny. So if you really aren't. We can be friends. I also want more traffic on my blog. Not so much I endanger my family, but enough to feel popular and cool. I know with all your magical powers you can make that happen. At least impart some wisdom. I will never be as funny as you, so we will have to go the pathetic route.

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  29. About GC, be careful what you wish for.

    If you could figure out how to fly with your arms, I'm quite sure the producers at Nightline would do a story on you. In fact, you could probably be on every morning news program and evening talk show!
    "Tonight on Nightline, a mommy blogger who can fly!!!"
    Seriously, what could be more interesting than that?
    You could fly around with a banner streaming behind you with your blog address in BIG letters!

    I would love it if you had a cooking blog. It would be great if included the recipes and photos of your childhood favorites. I think we would all like to see what chocolate treat looks like.

    Thanks for providing me with my daily dose of giggles!

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  30. Now that is a lucky man... To be loved like that... so deeply and unconditionally. You two are truly blessed.

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  31. Awwwwwwww..

    And dude. I can't believe Dyson hasn't sent you a vacuum yet.

    :-)

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  32. Ha! There's a reason I'm afraid to go to the temple - I am scared I'll just start laughing. Shh.

    I think we should invent a pill that helps everyone lose weight without dieting or exercising. Sounds good to me.

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  33. Too funny. Let me know when you learn to fly using just your arms...I'm eager to learn. :)

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  34. I remember back when I was thin without working out and with eating whatever I wanted. Then I had kids and now I have to watch them be thin without working out and with eating whatever they want. And BECAUSE OF THEM, in order to be thin, I have to work out and eat healthy food. But I don't, so I'm fat... with skinny kids.

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  35. Okay, I have no idea how I found your blog, Kalli maybe?, but I'm sure glad I did. You crack me up, girl. I clicked on the Ghetto Pinata post, and laughed so hard, because frankly, that it totally something I would do. And I would blog about it, too. So we can be blog friends.

    Rock on.

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  36. If you can figure out how to lose weight without the whole exercising and eating less thing, please let me know. I've been trying to figure that out for years!

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  37. I have a recipe to submit for your cooking blog. It's called Birthday Cake Secret. You take a box of cake mix (it doesn't matter what flavor you pick) and a can of frosting (again, your choice). Prepare the cake according the directions on the box, cover it liberally with frosting, then grab the frosted cake, a glass of milk, and hide in the bathroom (or a closet, this recipe is full of open options) and eat the whole thing. Then, when you decline to eat more than a few leaves of lettuce at dinner, tell your family that you have just begun a new diet. A SECRET diet!

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  38. #3. Amen Amen Amen.
    ROTL.
    AGAIN.

    I want to be you when I grow up.

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  39. I would read a blog about cereal if it was written by you. That was so nice about your husband. I agree with you about the media, they should be covering you.

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  40. I think I'm going to make that my new tag line: "Sue says I'm beautimous."

    You made me laugh and then want to cry with this post. But I didn't cry, because my husband is Vulcan, and he doesn't know what to make of crying.

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  41. I DO NOT know why you aren't the one on all the blog mommy interviews either! HONESTLY, what are those producers thinking? You are the Blog of Record.

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  42. thanks for talking about my blog, Mom!

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  43. #2 reason to fly yourself somewhere?

    ....there isn't someone behind you puking into a bag.

    Don't they save those Dateline shows for murderers??? :))

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  44. dear sue,

    i will marry you anytime

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  45. That was sweet...and hilarious... iLOVE the pioneer woman...too bad I don't have a killer love story!

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  46. I'd love to fly, too. Imagine a life without airports...

    Heidi

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  47. Hilarious!

    And tender. I like it.

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  48. So funny! And sweet. I'd like exactly the same thinness conditions. How do we get that? Oh, and flying? I'd like a set of wings so that I could do things with my arms while flying. I mean, I don't want wings that would cause me to look bigger or that would require me to modify my clothes. Maybe pop-out wings that just appear when I need them.

    www.angelawd.com

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  49. mom2nine doesn't understand. When you mean fly with just your arms, you mean stretched out ahead of you like supergirl (or man). While pioneer woman is ahead of you in the list of my favorites, I just erased Dooce today, saying that she really isn't worth wasting my time. You, however, are the LAST on my list so that I can always end my blogreading with something funny. Really. You have a reserved spot. Even when I add blogs, I put them ahead of you. And that is an honor.

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  50. I was so happy on my wedding day that I awoke the next morning with a sore face from SMILING all the day before!!!
    I love the idea of the giggles taking over.
    Blessings, EJT

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  51. (De-lurking here.)
    This is my informal thank you note. I check your blog often so that I can get my belly laugh in for the day. It is truly a good deed that you do for me. So, thank you. I think you're great.
    You'll be making the big bucks with your words here in no time. (I can feel it.)

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  52. You stinker! You read my journal!
    I totally agree with everything... except I don't want to speak at GC,(or be on Nightline), I just want everyone to go around quoting me like they do all the "big guys!"
    Just kidding.
    Not really.
    Ok. I am. Sort of.

    And I loved what someone said about Vegas being like Hell.(as in hot) Never been there, but if its THAT hot... well. I'll let what happens in hell stay in hell.

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  53. Mayhaps if you stated a cooking blog and came up with roughly 8,765,432 ways to disguise food storage wheat, you could speak at General Conference ABOUT your blog in which you show the aforementioned 8,765,432 ways to disguise wheat. And then they'll HAVE to show your blog address over and over, but once you're up there, you can have someone back at home erase all content on the wheat blog and just put up a giant link to THIS blog. And then you might get excommunicated or something, but you'll be rich from the subsequent Nightline interviews and book deals and movie rights, and it'll all get sorted out in the hereafter anyway, right? Right. Good plan. Jump right on that.

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  54. I think you should be on Nightline too! Shall we start a grassroots campaign?
    I also want to be able to fly using only my arms, although that would get awfully tiring very quickly, considering I can't even do pull-ups. I don't think this counts as a quirky thing about you though, as I think most people would like to be able to fly. Also, I think most people want to be thin while simultaneously exercising when they feel like it and eating what they like. These things do not count as quirky. Come up wth some more things!!

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  55. If you love your husband that much I recommend you avoid the movie "P.S. I Love You". I was seriously sobbing at the thought of losing my husband through the whole movie. It was great, but I couldn't breathe in some parts!

    Oh, and I am wondering if the people who speak in conference actually have blogs? That would be interesting!

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