I think I might be dying. I am feverish and my throat is aching and my ears hurt. Naturally, I suspect cancer.
There is also a slight chance that it might be strep and an ear infection. (I blame Azucar. She was probably still contagious when I read her post.)
If I still feel awful in the morning I'll probably try to find a doctor to talk me down from whatever google inspired hypochondriac frenzy I've managed to work myself into over the course of the evening. (Can I just say that I'm SO looking forward to a) finding a doctor who takes my insurance and b) bringing my three kids with me to the appointment? Wheeeeeeee!)
Whew. (Or is that Woo? or Whoo? I cannot think clearly.) I keep re-reading what I've written so far and it does not make sense to me. I'm not sure if that is because a) it does not actually make sense or b) because I am feverish.
You know what I AM thinking? I'm thinking today would be a good day for you to de-lurk and leave me a pity comment (yum, better than chicken soup).
I've missed every single stinking "National De-Lurk Day," which ticks me off to no end, and so I would really like to just declare my own. (De-lurking means that if you read but rarely and / or never comment you finally break the silence and, for the love of pete, leave me an actual comment already.) (Hey, all you lurkers, have I mentioned how nice you look today?)
If you aren't sure what to say, here's a note: I don't care. Whatever is on your mind. Something nice would be good. Something fawning and stalkerish would be even better. You could even ask me a question, as long as it isn't about algebra.
See, I've even given you something to say: "GET WELL."
Or you could say, "I hope you die of the flu."
Or you could say, "Your poor husband." (He loves it when people say that.)
The options are endless, really.
I know plenty of people will be like, um, listen you little attention seeking freak, you get enough comments as it is, but see, that is SO WRONG, because there are NEVER ENOUGH COMMENTS. (Yeah, that whole blogging zen thing I wrote about once - ha ha ha ha ha - turns out it might not actually apply to me personally.)
I'm actually curious to see if I can break a hundred comments. My email stalker swears that I have 60 different log-ins and I'm leaving MYSELF most of my comments (and apparently, maintaining the 60 different blogs that go with them) and I'd like to BLOW HER MIND by showing her that I actually have over a hundred different fake logins.
(FYI: I have this one post, the birthday party parable post, that has 98 comments. Do you know how OCD and crazy that makes me? NINETY-EIGHT. I thought about leaving MYSELF two comments to push it over the edge, but that felt like cheating.)
So hey, take pity on the sick and afflicted and de-lurk.
UPDATED: Did I say one hundred comments? Oh, I'm sorry, I meant TWO hundred comments. TWO HUNDRED COMMENTS! Yes, my lovelies - continue to feed my addiction with your delicious comments, NUM, NUM, NUM, NUM.
(Aaaaaaand, maybe I should go lie down now.)
Monday, May 05, 2008
Help - I Am DYING
322 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 322 Newer› Newest»Someday (like maybe in fifty years) you'll qualify for the hypochondriac's epitaph: See, I told you I was sick.
But seriously, it sucks when I'm sick in my quiet, undemanding, Fortress of Solitude. It must really suck for you with three kids to care for. Unless you knock them out with Benedryl.
I am pretty sure I commented before. But maybe not. So I'll trade you.
Here's a comment: "What a fine day." Now you owe me one.
Poor you!! I HAVE been reading you for a while now (followed a link from my friend Sarah K.'s blog)and this is my first time commenting because, really how do you read 50 comments after every post?
You ARE terrifically funny. But you AREN'T dying. I feel sure of that. So take heart! We love you. And you'll live.
De-lurking to say I hope you don't die of Google-induced disease. There really should be a telethon to raise money to fight that horrible disease. I've had it myself a time or twelve.
Hope you feel better soon!
No one makes hypochondria funnier than you.
Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.
It could be worse...Hope you feel better!
Ahh, 5 comments down, 95 to go. Let's see how creative I can get. I already took the "get well" route, as well as the "you're so funny" route. I love the "thinking out loud" route, but not everyone understands my brilliant wit. What a challenge it is to make each comment have a different voice. Then again, I am brilliant, and witty, and hysterically funny (as only a female can be, if you catch my drift).
It's nice, though, that I can bring myself out of the depths of despair with my creative commenting on my own blog. Oops, did I write that out loud?
I know I'm not literally going to die, because the tragedy of depriving the universe of my grace and charm, and uniquely self-effacing potty talk, would be too much, and said universe would immediately implode.
Did you see that? I simultaneously posted two comments from two of my separate identities, from two computers with untraceable IP addresses that are, just to be sure, across the country from each other.
Okay, I lurk, I admit it. I have been too busy lately to post on my blog, but I still check in on you occasionally to see how the move is going. Feel better soon!
I love lurking, hate commenting. OK, I don't hate it. But I've made a million comments before, and then just erase them before they post because I think they are lame. In fact, I've already re-written this comment twice. Erased tons. OK, I will not erase this one, I will post it! Here goes!
I die from that same exact thing. At least TWICE. EVERY YEAR. I have a standing referral to go have my tonsils removed, but I don't because that would involve finding someone to care for FOUR kids and really, who wants to do THAT?
I usually don't comment because you usually have thirty or fifty by the time I read your new post and I think, "Oh, well, she doesn't need to hear from lil' ol' me what with her already having a gazillion comments." But, woohoo, I'm not too late to make it in the top twenty this time. And I'd like to help you break a hundred.
Also, I think you are SO funny. You remind me of my best friend from college, who can make just about any hum drum story or anecdote interesting. She once called to tell me she found a little beetle in her bath tub, and the way she described the beetle's struggle to climb out was both witty and poignant.
I hope you do feerl better today. Goodluck with the kids at the dr btw, I don't envy you on that note. I do thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. Its a nice break during the work day.
Get well soon; your poor husband.........
Ah, ok, I'll de-lurk. Sounds like you've got that yucky thing that's going around and around (but hey, it can't be that thing in China, you know, cause that is only killing children, and you are an adult!) I do hope you feel much better soon! But honestly, these things usually make you feel cruddy for 5-7 days, so break out the salt gargle, lemon-honey tea, Vic's, chicken broth, neck wrap (my Grandma's favorite), and kleenex and dig in for the long haul!
I'll admit it...I lurk. ALL.THE.TIME. I found you through Hollywood and you are now linked on my own blog. I'll even give you a stalkerish comment and tell you I check your blog every day...you're too wickedly funny to ignore. Don't die Sue, people like me need you to fill the hours of our day.
Sue, I really hope you feel better and that you don't have some horrible disease. And I hope you aren't dying of heat stroke in Las Vegas.
Sorry you are sick, but I love reading your blog - it's so real!!!!
See...you can't die because then I would die from not having your hilariously funny blog to read. You don't want that on your conscience do you?
Oh my HECK! Your poor, poor husband. I hope you GET WELL! and I do think that the answer to your dilemma is "whoooo."
Seriously... I had to try out a new doctor last week with three young kids in tow... and it sucked every bit as much as you imagine. Maybe you will luck out and hit a waiting room that is bigger than my guest bathroom. Maybe. and some toys too.
SORRY! My bad!
I'm pretty sure mine was Beto's. Do they have Beto's in Vegas? IF NOT THEY SHOULD, because I don't care if I get the out-both-ends again, that stuff is horribly delicious.
(Me in five years:"...and that's how I got hepatitis!")
I think the last comment I left was on the birthday post. I did think of a comment the other day but I did not post it because I am lazy, but here it is, and it is from, when you were posting about how hard it is to be new in town and not know anyone:
I remember feeling that way when I moved to Texas. I would sit on the park bench and intentionally try to "pick up" new friends and get their phone numbers. It was pitifully desperate, until I met a really friendly lady who gave me her phone number and now we are best friends. So hang in there. The end.
Also finding new doctors after you've moved just sucks. Feel better.
Joining the parade of guilt-stricken lurkers. Don't you feel better now? I just got over one round of wiping the constant stream of snot from my daughter's poor nose and then my own. So, get better and keep posting!
Ok, I'm delurking. And you are wrong, I do not look fabulous today. I have a major head cold, and it shows.
Hope you are feeling better soon...
Can't tell you how hard your posts make me laugh. Sometimes, when I read them at work, I embarrass myself by laughing so hard. The guy in the next office must think I'm nuts.
Anyway, hope you are feeling better very soon!
You need some soup and bad daytime TV. That will cure what ails you.
If you're soliciting stalkerish comments, I will be happy to gratify you with a confession: I decided to secretly devote myself to admiring you forever after reading your phone/nemesis post some time ago.
I run and scream when my phone rings. (Inwardly. Inwardly, I run and scream. Outwardly, I just contort my face in horror and press "ignore call" and tell myself that I was busy otherwise I would have been happy to answer it because I am as normal as the next person.)
It will be a short-lived admiration if you die, so please don't.
oh, you funny, funny girl. man. any lurking I do is from INSANE JEALOUSY that you are far funnier than I will ever be.
get better, chica, and back to showing us all up with your mad comedy skillz.
So I've left comments before. But that was before I realized how popular you were. Once I realized that I (generally) stopped commenting because Sue Whatsherbucket might actually read what I wrote and come back to my blog and see how totally unfunny I am. So please - don't look at my blog. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure it's cancer, too. My neck hurts today and I am positive it is a tumor.
get well and your poor, poor husband!
Delurking to say get well. GET WELL.
I'm sure it's not cancer. And I hope you're not dying. Can I forbid you to google your symptoms and have some chicken soup instead?
officially de-lurking. You're too funny to be sick!
Oh, and get well. Feel better soon.
See, I count for 2 comments!
www.angelawd.com
Sorry you're not feeling well, Sue. Hope you're better before you know it!
And, darn it, why can't we ask you questions about algebra?! I have to start an elementary algebra class in June and literally, math makes me cry like a child. I HATE math!!
Oh, and I would say "your poor husband" except, because of the math class, my husband gets that privilege for now. :)
hee hee
Oh Sue! I've commented before but I'm always happy to tell you again how much I love you and love this blog. We have many of the same quirks, our kids are the same ages...really, it's like you're me only funnier and American.
Get well soon. I'm sure 100 comments would be better than any drugs...and I may come leave another comment just to help boost your count.
You were pitiful enough that I'd thought I'd comment although I agree with the latter part of your post that you already get plenty of comments and mine will, most likely, not even be noticed amongst the bunch. Then again, that could be complete jealousy as the most I've ever gotten was 7 (maybe) and half of those were my own comments. I'm not above cheating. Maybe one day I should just submit 100 comments to myself and say, "Wow, look at me! People love me." and then not actually read the comments and thereby end my denial.
Best wishes on getting better. Being sick sucks. Being sick and having to tend three children sucks even more. Don't you wish you could call in sick to God and an angel would show up to tend to the kids and the house and, of course, you? When's the last time someone brought you chicken soup in bed? Myself, I think I was 10...but then again, I've over 30 and have senility as begun.
De-lurking just to say hi and I hope you feel better soon. Although your hypochondria does make for very funny reading!
I like Betos.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
PS. I love your blog and I have a link to you in my blogroll and I read you every day and I'm disappointed when you don't post and I'm soooo jealous of the amount of comments you get!
Stalkerish enough?
I was going to start this post with "De-lurking to say..." but then I noticed everyone else did already. I am so behind the trend. Well, I stalk you and don't even know you but I wish I did. You crack me up and bring humor to my ever seemingly monotonous life! But I'm not one of those stalkers who has stalked you for a long time- my cousin told me about your site this weekend and I sat down and read like 10 posts in one sitting! Anyways. I hope this doesn't freak you out... I just feel the same about people looking but not commenting and I wish I could even get 10 comments, not to mention 100, so I'm practicing what I preach! Have a good day and get better! Krista.
This is AWESOME.
Maraiya, the thing is that I ALWAYS read the comments. They are my crack.
It's totally Azucar's fault.
Oh you poor thing! Hope you feel better. I'm going to do my part and be comment number 45.
Hey, I had cancer last week, too!
(Sore breast lump. NEVER MIND that I'm breastfeeding a baby right now.)
I think this is all a ploy to get out of going to Relief Society yesterday.
And who could blame you?
I read your blog. We are losing our house and it makes me feel less alone. I feel compelled to check in with you to make sure you survive the whole experience because then I feel pretty sure we can survive it too. As much as it hurts. And I appreciate it when you write about it. The funny stuff is great, but the real stuff actually helps me out, so thanks.
I feel your pain having to find a new doctor. On my list of causing the most anxiety in my life, that ranks right up there with having to find a new hair stylist. However, in both cases, it must be twice as awful for you. At least, I don't have to drag 3 kids with me.
Feel better soon.
Oh - since Al doesn't have kids, you might want to think twice about using his advice about drugging yours with Benadryl. I've known kids (some of my own) that Benadryl and like meds make them higher than a kite. Just what you need at a time like this. Maybe letting them zone out on multiple viewings of their fav video might be a better solution.
Can we be anonymous? I knew you in Highland and we were in a similar financial boat, but our ship righted itself before we lost our house. I'm not as un-proud as you are and I didn't want anyone to know about it. I was kind of fascinated by your willingness to be so open about it.
I wish I'd gotten to know you better in real life but I'm always so busy with my kids. Life is just so busy for moms, isn't it? I still check in on you to see if you are doing o.k. I hope someday your blog gets super popular, you get a book deal, and you can come back and pay cash for your house. We need you in the neighborhood.
Sue, you are hilarious and I love your blog and I hardly ever comment, so here you go.
Get well soon!
ha ha, now your stalker will accuse you of leaving all of the anonymous / non-linked comments.
Okay, so I will stop lurking and leave a comment. I just love reading your blog, it makes me laugh when I really need a good laugh. I am going to try to aviod googling illness. I have before and I always get myself worked up in a state! Get well soon!
de-lurking myself to say that the birds are making a racket here in Utah. Spring finally arrived here.. it's actually close to 70 degrees.
Ugh...Strep-py stuff has been going around like mad. (for a giggle, I'll let you know that I just typed in "stuff" as "Stough"...yeah, like in tough.)
Hope you feel better soon!
And you know I adores ya.
And feel bad for your hubby (gotta give him a thrill, right?)...
And hope that you are able to swallow again some day soon!
This is so crazy that you all have tumors, because I swear I have one in my neck. It's only still pretty small, and it might alternately be a pimple, but I am pretty sure it is a tumor.
One time, I was so sick that I finally went to the doctor. (I went to instacare at 8:00 p.m.) I took my oldest child with me, so DH would only need to chase after two kids.
After examining me, the doctor told me I was sick, (really?) wrote me out a prescription, and said "Is there anyone who could come and help you with your kids for a few days so that you could get some rest?"
I have never laughed so hard in my life.
i hope you die of the flu.
(p.s. secretly, i don't hope that at all, but you DID mention that as an acceptable de-lurking comment. you only have yourself to blame. and maybe azucar.)
I'm going to leave you multiple comments to help you reach your goal.
Aren't I nice?
Okay, I'll delurk for you. Just because you always make me laugh.
Feel better.
Poor Poor you.
I feel for you. I was quite sick this weekend also. I had the perfect storm of headaches. A tension headache mixed with a sinus headache mixed with a "I haven't had my daily Dr. Pepper yet" headache. Plus, every time I stood up, I felt like I was going to hurl.
Did you say Azucar is responsible for spreading this misery?
I am a hypochondriac myself.. and it sucks. Hope you find a doc that will believe all the symptoms you found on the internet.
ps. I am a friend of Wendy's.. I've commented before, but not as much as I should because you have the funniest.. blog.. ever.
Hopefully, the doctor can give you something to help you feel better. The thing I hate the worst is when you go to the doctor and he says "It's just a virus. Just wait for it to run it's course."
If the doctor says that to you, just throw up in his office.
Poor Sue!
I always miss the de-lurk days. And according to stat counter I've got a whole pile of lurkers. They're either shy or spying on me, I haven't decided which.
Get well! That's an order!
You poor thing. No one ever believes me when I have cancer either. It's pretty annoying.
Or throw up ON the doctor. That would get his attention for sure.
I forgot to mention that last time I went to the doctor (in Vegas, where ALL doctors suck) he told me that I wasn't sick and gave me a prescription for Prozac. I left feeling depressed.
I just thought of something. Could it have been all of the lurkers previously NOT commenting that have caused you to be so sick?
I mean, you DO have that warning about how you will die if people don't leave comments.
Hey, maybe all of your commenters are actually JILL, ha ha ha
NOT ONLY did I de-lurk, I linked to you from my pathetic little attempt at a blog. Hope you're better soon.
I read your post over the weekend at FTF and LOVED it. I so feel your pain. And, here is the thing that might make you feel better today: if you are sick, you probably aren't eating (just drink lots of soup) and that might just kick start some weight loss!
YEAH!!! (Does that make you feel better?)
Hey Anonymous,
Just doing what I can;0)
I hope you take this in the spirit in which it was intended. Your poor husband! I get the impression that you're not a quiet sufferer. But i hope you feel better for your sake as well as his.
And I'm with you on the lurking. How do I have 76 views (my best day ever) and not more than 5 comment anywhere. honestly, I'd be happy to break into the double digits.
just to add to your comment total...
GET WELL. ;)
I really hope you are feeling better, a sick you is pretty funny, but I don't want you dying of cancer or whatever else you can self diagnose yourself with.
Get well.
You shamed me out of my lurkdom.
I think you ARE an "attention seeking little freak" as you said but LOL, I also think you are a total hoot! (That's a compliment, BTW) Get better soon.
Oh, I almost forgot.....
Your poor husband.
So I am forced to leave a comment since my cousin Krista (the mullins around #40 or so) outed me as a long time stalker - I mean lurker...but only since Christmas! We were chatting this morning and this is what was said: (and the hypochondriac comment is meant in the NICEST possible way because I would never dream of insulting someone who is sick and dying of cancer!)
Quote-
Krista: "I think I might be dying. I am feverish and my throat is aching and my ears hurt. Naturally, I suspect cancer." Did you read this blog this morning?
me: nope - missed that one...is that the navel gazing one? sounds like her - hypochondriac that she is...you have to go back and read her post about the embolism...
Krista: Hahaha
Yah it's her alright
Nice guess
You win the stalker award"
End quote
GET WELL SOON
I love your blog...as illustrated by months of lurking! Thanks for providing so many laughs!
GET WELL SOON!!!!!!!!!!!! And speaking of lurking, I don't often see you posting around in my neck of the woods...... LOL
I hope you find a good doctor and the appt goes well toting all the kids along...
Well, I am kind of delurknig as I have commented a time or two. I think you are so funny and have tried to drag my blog friends/family over here a few times to see for themselves. I almost copied and pasted your post about your crazy scary daughter on my blog because it was soooooo funny, just so that I could show them how funny you are. I may still do it sometime. Keep up the funnies. I have you on my google reader and look for you everyday!
84 - Get well
PS If I ever got 100 comments, I think I would pass out and die. Probably. The most I ever got was 15 and that was only when people were trying to win a $10 coffee card from the contest I held. I don't think 100 people even READ my blog. I get about 35 hits a day. and several of them are from my friend Kaci because she peruses at work and goes down my list of "blogs I read" so everytime she comes back to get a new one from the list, she counts as a hit. LOL
tag, you're it
GET WELL SOON.
Your poor husband...
I hope you die of the flu.
Has anyone ever died of the flu?
Have you seen that they make Kleenex with Vics in it? It's so awesome. Even if I don't need one, I'll grab one and sniff it until all the Vics has been sniffed out of it.
I read your blog faithfully and wish you posted every day because that would make my life here at work a LOT more fun. If I had a blog I would link you.
I think we should all request blog topics. I think you should write something about social anxieties. I can just TELL you have them. I'll bet you have a lot of friends, but that also you're a nervous wreck before you actually get to know people. Right? Am I right? (I'll bet I'm right.)
Officially de-lurking to say GET WELL SUE! Although I think running a slight fever might make for even better posts, so don't get too well. Just kidding! Get all better! And sorry for not commenting/killing your soul. I really do feel bad about that!
-Shannon
Do you think it could be Ebola?
IT LIQUEFIES YOUR INSIDES.
Azucar. SHUT UP.
Ebola. I have EBOLA. CRAP.
Did I mention this was AWESOME?
You know how they say that the deadly Asian bird flu needs to make the leap from infecting just one human living in close proximity to fowl to mutating so that it can be spread from person to person? WHAT IF YOU ARE THE LINK?
If x=Vegas and z=Azucar, then y are you sick?
Sorry—that was lame, but I had to try to put in some form of algebra just for you (or your hubby?). Anything to up the number of comments, right?
I hope you feel better soon.
Wow. I type pretty well one handed. (Bambino is being held in my other arm.)
Julie, because bird can fly. That's what's so scary about the bird flu.
Birds can FLY?!!!!!!
That's just crazy talk.
Slimey boogers Batman! There is alot of comments on here! I am sooo jealous. I threw a party when I got 6 comments Whooot!Whooot!
I am feeling pathetic for you. I caught the "aching, stuffy head, fever" (ha, and a jingle just for fun) crap from my friend!
I have a link to you on my blog, just so ya know AND I am personally responsible for getting some of my friends addicted to your blog! So leave me a comment will ya! (please)
As if this weren't already a novella: I have to drag 4 kids to the Doc's with me~ So no whining!
Get better soon:)
I'm totally cheating. Shut up.
delurking...
I think I'll steal your suggestions...
Get Well!
Hope you DON'T die of the flu cuz then I'll be down one less funny blogger to read everyday
You broke 100 comments!! And only like 5 were from you so thats pretty awesome :)
You are so weird. And thank goodness for that, because man, you make me LAUGH!
Okay, Okay. Happy now?
Acutally I just discovered your quirkiness over the past week and spent hours of productive work time being no so productive, but laughing until I cried.
So I guess I owe you a shout-out for that one!
Oh and get better soon...if you really want to.
Commenting again, in honor of the fact that my kids are at their friend's house this morning and I am checking out blogs instead of vacuuming, mopping, and folding laundry. And I really want you to get to 200.
Well, you had already broke a hundred by the time I got here, so I'll just say congratulations!
=coff coff=
(just sharing)
Hope you feel better :)
I'm glad you updated to say 200 comments because I am a lurker and was all ready to comment and then DOH! You already had maxed the 100 mark:) Good going girl! I love to read your blog! I hope you get better TODAY without having to find a doc. Keep smiling:D
Since you're begging for more comments (although I fully expect you not to be satisfied with 200 and will, not doubt, update and request 300 if we manage to reach the new goal) I will post that I did, in fact, totally cheat and post 11 comments on my latest blog entry. And when I clicked on my blog, it made me grin like a silly fool to see 11 next to the word "comments." I fully expect myself to do the same thing with all of my posts. Maybe I should challenge myself to get 100, no wait, 200 posts in a day. Mwha..ha..ha..ha
BTW, with this many posts, aren't you better yet?
Oh, and I forgot to mention that my husband really, REALLY sympathizes with your husband. When I read Rob the pillow talk post, Robert just sighed with that feeling of, "Dude, I so know what you're going through and I am so sorry." So from my DH to your DH, "You poor, poor man. Let's go drink an O'Doul's."
Get well soon!
Okay I'll leave you a few comments to feed your addiction. :) I do hope you feel better though!
XOXO
Feel better!
Have
a
great
day
HAHA!
De-lurking as requested.
Feel better soon. Delurked. Margie
I often don't feel worthy of commenting because you're one of my blogging IDOLS. The birthday parable post was one of my absolute favorite posts...and I don't remember if I commented or not, but I did at least link it at my blog, and lastly "your poor husband..."
For Pete's Sake....Delurking to say get well and that YOU.CRACK.ME.UP!! Sorry I don't comment more often or well, more like hardly ever but I couldn't live with myself not providing a dying woman her wish