Friday, May 30, 2008

Heartbreaker

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Well. I ALMOST called her today. I got busy with several things:

  • Eating some licorice
  • Thinking about how much I hate my dog
  • Plotting ways to get rid of the dog without someone noticing
  • Taking my kids to the library
  • Thinking about ways to become magic
  • Listening to songs on my IPOD and imagining the corresponding stories
  • Finishing a bid response, finally
  • Waiting to hear something about my super top secret Big News (nothing yet)
  • Being extremely annoyed after going to the grocery store with my kids, getting my groceries, realizing I forgot my debit card, putting groceries in produce cooler, going home and getting my debit card, going back AGAIN and getting groceries.
  • As a result of Kristy’s crush post, remembering all of the millions of painful crushes I had, realizing I can't blog about them because too many people I know read this blog and then subsequently REMEMBERING THE STORY THAT FOLLOWS:

(Whew. That was a reaaaaallly long way to go to get to the reason for my post.)

Once upon a time…

No, wait, that’s not quite right…

WAYYYYYY back in the day,* I was a sixteen year old** senior in high school. I was young for my grade and young for my age - I didn’t hit puberty until I was fifteen (almost the end of my junior year), which made high school a TON of fun for me. Seriously, it was AWESOME.

Like almost every other teenager on the planet, I was incredibly grumpy and hormonal. I slammed a lot of doors and felt a LOT LOT LOT of rage.

“Good morning to you,” my mother would sing cheerily when she came to make sure I was up and getting ready for school.

“ANGRY ANGRY FOAM GRRRRR.” I would growl back at her on my way out the door for my early morning Madrigals class.

I took Madrigals for three reasons.

  1. I was attending a school I wasn’t zoned for, and the “official” reason for my variance was the fact that they had a Madrigal group. So in order to stay in school I had to stay in Madrigals.
  2. It got me out of early morning seminary.
  3. Even without 1 and 2, I would have been in Madrigals anyway, because I was a total choir geek. We would go around and sing all over town at Christmas, wearing our stupid faux renaissance outfits. They weren’t even real renaissance outfits, they were just these polyester monstrosities. We looked RIDICULOUS. Looking back at the pictures, I sort of want to beat myself up.

But in my head, I wasn’t like the other choir geeks. I was DIFFERENT. I was an ANGRY REBEL who would NOT CONFORM TO THE SYSTEM.

Granted, I was a wanna be preppy mainstream rebel who didn’t drink or smoke or swear or dress goth or have sex or do anything even vaguely rebellious. But I had the angry thing down pat, and I was rebelling in the most important way I could – by openly loathing the choir director. This was ground breaking, because everyone around me worshipped her.

I distinguished myself via my hatred. For a teacher. GO ME!

Seriously though. She was a HORRIBLE woman. She was like that teacher on Mr. Holland’s Opus, except NOT. Like that but with immaturity and picking favorites and playing social games and acting as though she was our peer and not our teacher.

We once had a contest where we took a musical pitch/tone test in class. I got a 99 out of 100. Her favorite, Michelle, got a 94 out of 100. Mrs. E announced that Michelle was the winner, and I responded by calling her out and foaming at the mouth. “ANGRY. ANGRY. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. FOAM.”

I can’t imagine why she didn’t like me.

In the spring of my senior year, I lost a bit of weight*** and was sort of approaching a normalish size, which would have been a good thing socially speaking if I wasn’t constantly glaring at everyone and giving them the death eyeballs.

As it was, I’d been on ZERO dates, and had been to approximately ZERO school dances. That probably had less to do with my appearance than with my extremely crappy, negative, I'll-hate-you-in-advance-before-you-get-a-chance-to-hate-me attitude.

(Oh dear. I haven’t actually gotten to the crush part yet, but it's really late and now I'm just sort of sitting here staring at the screen in a heavy blinking stupor. I’ll have to pick this up on another day. Or not. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. ONLY TIME WILL TELL.)

FOOTNOTES
*THE DAY = November 17, 1988
** I skipped a grade. BECAUSE I’M A GENIUS.
*** Don’t look at my weight! RUDE!!!

39 comments:

  1. You are so weird.

    And no one wore polyester during the Renaissance? Does that mean there was no Spandex, either?

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  2. Hahaha! This is so brilliant - I love that someone else, besides me, has such a lousy concentration span.

    :)

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  3. Oh Sue, you totally crack me up! I'm glad you're not angry anymore. I hope that someday you decide to finish this delicious story. Do you want us to beg?

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  4. LOL!! You're so funny! I love your blog!

    I totally hated my choir teacher too! She was a evil woman as well...maybe she was your choir teachers sister? It could happen... :)

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  5. So, totally not the point but can I just say that I too have passed many an hour devising ways to "dispose" of my dog? Seriously. Will she never die? She's 13. Isn't that old for a big dog? Did I mention she's always had an especially weak stomach? And for the last few years she's been incontinent? (I refuse to buy doggie diapers when I just barely got down to only 2 KIDS in diapers. She lives in the garage.) Other than incontinance she's not really showing signs of her age. She's going to live forever.
    Umm...yeah, don't get me started.

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  6. You can't leave us hanging like this. It just isn't fair.

    And yes, you are weird, but very funny.....like no one has every told you this before.

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  7. I've been sending super big good thoughts and best wishes your way about your super big secret not-yet-news.

    Just thought I should let you know. You know. So you can thank me later. *wink*

    But you never answered my question yesterday. You do like a hot Mr. Darcy as well as the next girl, don't you?

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  8. You should come over to my house so we can sit around and sing all day. I'd love it. DH is totally tone deaf, and I've told him repeatedly that it is a sign of how much I truly love him that I was willing to marry a man who can't carry a tune in a bucket.

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  9. Did you read my journal?

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  10. lately all i've thought about is how much i hate my dog. i thought about it a lot at 4 am this morning when he woke me up because he wanted someone to play with.

    don't worry, i made him feel the rage, oh did he feel it...

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  11. This is priceless! I didn't realize you were in choir with my daughter. ;-) You could have been BFF. That is if you could've gotten out of each others' way.

    But on one hand, it was me that hated the choir director! Mad angry parent is even more fun than mad angry child.

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  12. Wow - are you sure we didn't go to the same high school? My choir director was JUST like that. She hated me, I hated her (but pretended not to)...it was a lovely time.

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  13. You were funny even before you were trying to be funny. Talk about natural talent.

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  14. Canada - Begging is GOOD. ;>

    Dalene - I LOVE Mr. Darcy. If I could leave my husband for Mr. Darcy, I totally would. He knows it too. He's on thin ice, my husband.

    Heather O.- ME TOO! That was the one thing that gave me pause about marrying my husband. He can carry a tune nicely, but he can't hold a part. I had to think about if I could really live with it or not, heh.

    B. - Yes.

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  15. Oh please, oh please - pleasepleaseplease continue the story.

    How's that?

    I think I was a rebel without a cause. I was mad. Why? Just because. Well that's not true I was just angry at life and took it out on everyone.

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  16. Death eyeballs!!!!! Brilliant!

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  17. Dear Diva-with-whom-I-aspire-to-correspond: You so totally crack me up. I skipped a grade and graduated at 16 too, without madrigals, and I am not nearly as funny as you. Can you tell me why?

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  18. OH man...I was so looking forward to the crush part...

    So anger was the ONLY way you felt to rebel? Your Mom had it good! :)

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  19. AHAHAHAHA! Making up stories to the songs on your ipod - I so do that! I can even make myself tear up thinking about the things that never happened in the relationships I never had with the people I don't even know. Especially with Coldplay; they have powers. It's a release. But, I am TOTALLY normal and harmless, I promise.

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  20. Ack. Tease. That's just mean.

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  21. Only geniuses can successfully pull off a good cliffhanger.

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  22. Well, it's not really much of a cliffhanger, as cliffhangers go. Not much has actually happened so far, other than establishing that when I was a teenager I was a huge pain in the butt.

    If my mom ever starts a blog, I am so screwed.

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  23. Ah yes. angry...death eyeballs...no reason and no real rebellion...choir...obnoxious teacher...no dates...
    We could almost be twins separated at birth except that a. I'm technically older than you, by only 5 minutes or years or something, and b. I was never in a madrigal choir.
    But there is no crush in this story. I don't know if you noticed or not. Guess you'll have to finish it, or risk the wrath of the blogosphere!

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  24. Haha, love the story, now to finish it...(glad to know it's not just me who loses their attention span in the middle of writing a post)

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  25. This is very interesting, Sue. I always wondered what was going through your angry teen-girl mind. Instead of my own blog, I could just add long comments to yours. The other side of the story, you know. I'm not always sure we were living in the same house.

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  26. We want to hear more. When will you finish the story?

    PLEEEAAASSSSSSEEEEE.

    That was meant to be begging but I think it came out more as a whine.

    Sorry.

    We don't have a dog to hate because my DH is conveniently allergic to fur.
    That means no cats either :0)

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  27. You know, I think you are totally right. Our teenage selves could have hung out. Only I was a newspaper nerd. With a pretend UCLA-attending boyfriend to not go to dances with.

    I love the foaming.

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  28. What a cliffhanger. You had better finish it or else! Plus, just call the girl! Plus, if something happens to the dog, and it wasn't you, no one will believe you and you'll feel guilty. Once my daughter said she wanted to kill my mother in law (of course my attitude had nothing to do with this,she was just her roommate at the time, ahem! I told her that she shouldn't think that because someday her Lela would die, and even though it wasn't her fault at all, she would think she caused it because that's the way a child's mind works. And do you know what she answered? But, it will be my fault mom, because I'm gonna kill her! I digress. Learn to live with the dog. Watch a Dog Whisperer marathon or something. Good luck!

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  29. I just about died from unrequited love when I was 17 and probably not yet peubescent, so I hear ya.
    You should go call your friend now. just get it over with.

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  30. That's not fair. I got all excited to read about the crush!

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  31. ROFL YOU HAD MY CHOIR TEACHER!!!!
    What is it with this particular brand of teacher (Usually ends up being the choir teacher or maybe the cheerleader coach) that just wants to be "one of the popular kids" even though she is 45 or 50?

    PS call your friend. Seriously, I have a friend just like that...except I didn't ditch her like a cold hearted ...

    anywho! I know if I did do that though, she would be totally cool with the fact that I called her two years later. We just have too much history!

    Call her!!! How much more encouragement can you get from a bunch of people who don't even know you!? I mean... seriously :)

    Begging...mmmm

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call your friend!

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  32. You have to finish this post, and include a picture! Ooooh I would love to see that polyester number! I don't do well with cliff hangers!

    My hubby is a high school choir teacher. Most of the students really, really love him, but I can think of a girl or two that are angry glarers, especially when they don't get the solo.

    So in defense of choir teachers across America: (Let me climb on to my soapbox.)

    1. Not everyone can have the solo, or it wouldn't be a solo. DUH?!?

    2. Choir teachers deal with a lot of students per class, so sometimes they make mistakes and forget that the highest score was 99 instead of the 94 they announced. So give them a break okay!

    3. Most don't really want to be popular. The students just won't leave them alone and hang out in the choir room all of the time, before school, during lunch, after school. Sometimes they even get phone calls at home and it really bugs their wife, who JUST WANTS TO HAVE DINNER WITHOUT THE PHONE RINGING AND SOME STUDENT OR PARENT CALLING ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND NIGHT...

    Sorry, got a little carried away, I have issues...

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  33. I had a drama teacher who played favorites and I just want to say there's NO WAY your choir teacher just mixed up who got the 99. Some teachers are just needy in wanting their favorites to like them.

    P.S. Maybe call her around midnight so you'll get her answering machine...

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  34. Um, a.men, I appreciate what you're saying, but this teacher really WAS awful. And it had nothing to do with who got to sing what parts.

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  35. After all this buildup I can't wait for the actual crush.

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  36. I am sure that she was terrible. I was mostly kidding...except for the phone calls at home...who calls teachers at home???

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  37. Oh Great and Marvelous Sue, Weaver of Stories and Stitcher of Sides (with your magical thread of humour), won't you please, puh-lease, PLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEAASE tell us your crush story? Your people need you.

    (after you call your friend)

    (I can beg more, I just don't want to overdo.)

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  38. You have to finish this story. I am going to stalk your blog until you do, and since I have some horrible chest cold that is making me cough up a lung every 5.2 seconds, waiting could completely hasten my demise. Really, it is your DUTY to blog immediately.

    (Apparently, my illness is also making me bossy.)

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  39. You should REALLY call her. This sort of happened with a GREAT old friend of mine and she always misses my calls and never returns them and I would MELT if she called. She will totally forgive. Call her.

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