Thursday, November 15, 2007

Will You Marry Me Maybe Kinda Sorta?

Pin It My husband is out of town – he left me here with the kids and the dog for a few days – AGAIN, and so I figure this is as good a time as any to talk about him behind his back. It's the best way, really.

Taking a page from Kimberly’s book, I thought I’d tell you about his super duper romantic totally impulsive marriage proposal.
Like a lot of things in our life, our engagement started off as sort of a joke.

We were friends for a while before we started dating, but once we took that step we clicked instantly and we were in love, just like that, no muss, no fuss. I love you, you love me, no games, no drama. It was awesome.

One night after we’d been dating for about three weeks, we were sitting in his driveway, in the back of his truck, just talking. It was about ten o’clock at night and his mom kept coming to the front window and peering out at us. She wasn’t totally sold on me yet and I know she was wondering if I was trying to corrupt him. In the driveway. In front of her house. While she was watching.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depends on how you look at it), we weren’t doing anything interesting, just talking and laughing about how fast people we knew from the singles congregation at church got engaged once they started dating. Sometimes they got engaged after they'd been dating for only a couple of weeks. We joked around about how it was so idiotic, so very desperate, so very Mormon cliché.

I remember saying, “Wouldn’t it be funny if we told everyone we were engaged? Can you imagine? My friends would die.”

He chuckled. “My parents would freak out. They'd think we were nuts.” He laughed again. “We should. We should tell them that. Just to see the looks on their faces.”

I laughed. “Hilarious. Let’s do it.”

He was playing with my fingers and he said, “Wouldn’t it be weird if we actually got engaged?”

I remember freezing up a little. Um... What? Was he serious? Play it cool. Play it cool. I let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah. That would be really weird.”

He was watching me closely but then grinned mischeviously. “What would you say if I actually asked you to marry me?”

I stared at him, thunderstruck. “Are you asking me to marry you?”


“No!" He said it a little too emphatically and I scowled a little. "I’m just asking you – what would you say if I asked you?”

I laughed. “You can’t ask me that.”

“Why not?”

“Because, you coward, you just have to ask.” I hit him. “Freak.”

“Can’t you even give me a hint, just so I know?” he wheedled.

"No." No way in heck was I gonna tell him my real answer, which was - yes, of course. Despite all of my blustering about fast engagements, I'd marry him in an instant. I knew about ten minutes after we started dating that we were perfect for each other. Perfect. But I couldn't tell HIM that.

“No, you wouldn’t marry me, or no you won't give me a hint?"

“No hints. Geez. Are you a man or a mouse?"

“That's not a very nice thing to say to someone who may or may not possibly be hypothetically proposing to you," he said reproachfully.

“Well, you aren't supposed to ask me like that," I said, exasperated.

“But I just did. So ANSWER THE QUESTION," he said. The expression on his face made me laugh.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“So you’d maybe marry me if I maybe asked you to marry me. At some point in the future.”

“You’d have to ask to know for sure.”

He kissed my hand. “What if I ask?”

My mind went blank again. “What if – what if you ask? Are you asking now?”

“Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically? I'm not answering a hypothetical marriage proposal.” The whole conversation feel surreal and we were both laughing again.

“O.k. I’m asking.”

“You’re asking? Seriously?”

“Yes.”

I checked him out. He DID look suddenly very serious. How incredibly strange and bizarre. “Really?”

“No, I’m just kidding.” He grinned again.

I hit him.


He leaned in to give me a kiss. “You love me, right?”

“Not at the moment," I grumped.

"I'll take that as a yes." He pulled me to my feet. “Let’s go.”

“Go where?” Once again, I was lost.

“Go tell my parents we’re getting married.”


I was so confused. “What? Fake married?”

And he smiled at me and gave me another kiss, a longer one this time. “You know we’re gonna do it eventually. Let’s just – cut to the chase.” And he kissed me again.

I never knew the words, "cut to the chase" could be so romantic. I don't think we got around to telling his parents that night. His mom sure got an eyeful though.

And cut to the chase we did. There was a real proposal about a week later, after he’d gotten a ring, but I think of that, that strange little conversation in the driveway, as our real engagement. That was when we knew we were in it for the long haul. Three months later, we got married. And we've been married for 11 really happy years.

(I would never recommend this by the way. If my kids try something similar I will beat them. We were SO LUCKY that it worked out. Because, really, at least in theory - what a train-wreck waiting to ha
ppen.)

This is a picture of an engagement picture. My scanner is down. The blurriness is probably for the best anyway. Check out that hair. Did I just go to the salon and ask them to bring out a salad bowl and cut around it? Sheesh. And the eyebrows. And what were we wearing? And why didn't someone tell us to change? Yikes.

65 comments:

  1. I'm number one, I'm number one!! Oh man, I'm really pathetic.

    What a hilarious story! I can't believe that even your marriage proposal was funny. I guess it couldn't be any other way - he is your husband. Very cute, and very funny. The story, I mean.

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  2. hee hee

    I only remember most of this because I wrote about it in my journal, which is semi-miraculous. (My journal has about eight pages of writing in it total.)

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  3. That is a great story! At least he proposed...my husband never did.

    But we too were engaged fast: five days after we started dating. I don't recommend this to people, of course, but we just knew. :)

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  4. You didn't even mentioned the snow-washed jeans, woman!

    Oh, and we got married 5 weeks after deciding we'd do it. But we had been together for nearly 7 years at the time. And had a 3.5 year old.

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  5. That's a great story. I married my hubby after just eight months of being together. We'd have done it sooner if my divorce had been final! And we've been married, very happily, for 14 years.
    Love your blog, by the way.

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  6. What a great story. I knew right away that my man was the one too and we moved way to fast but 15 years later we are still going strong. Sometimes, you just know.

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  7. love that story. i think that proposals made without the fanfair and planning are actually more romantic. Maybe because my engagment to my husband was similar to yours. Also with a 3 month engagement and I too will freak out if my kids try to pull that. I often ask myself "what was I thinking?" but it worked out perfectly and we have been married for over 8 years.

    oh, and give yourself a break- it was the mid 90's- everybody looked that bad from head to toe!

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  8. Don't worry - people looked way worse in the 70's. And your poor husband! I have one friend who met her future husband at dinner at her friend's house. Her friend called her the next day and said, "Tony likes you and wants to ask you out, but only if you'll say yes."

    That cracks me up every time I think of it. He's the nicest guy, too.

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  9. I think it's romantic. At least compared to my "Wanna get married before the Brown game?" proposal.

    Sniff.

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  10. Oh, wow.... That's like the sweetest thing evah. I didn't think stuff like that ever, every happened in real life. How awesome are you? Ya'll should have a fabulous anniversary party or get away or something every single year.

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  11. Keetha - We barely even remember our anniversary. I always have to look it up, because I can't remember which day it was. We usually just exchange cards. We have a no gift giving rule for Valentines Day and our Anniversary. The gift is that I don't have to go find him a gift. For me that's huge. He always gets me flowers, but that's it.

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  12. Ours was something like, "Are we going to get married or not?" and then came the expected proposal. But the real conversation where we actually decided feels like the real thing.

    We are also in our 11th year. :)

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  13. Yeah, Ours was something like- Do you think we'll ever get married?
    And then HE said, Yeah, probably.
    Oh well. Loved your story.

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  14. Your uncle and I were engaged after about 4 weeks of dating. It was a similar conversation as your's and Lee's. He told his parents/family at Sunday dinner. Kind of went like this: "Please pass the potatoes and gravy. Oh, Connie and I are getting married." We were married two months later. It'll be 29 years in December.

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  15. Our engagement "moment" when we knew it would happen was when he said he was excited to combine our CD collection!

    Love your story. You guys sound perfect for each other!

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  16. That is such a romantic story! I love it.

    And you are REALLY fortunate it worked out.

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  17. How sweet! I was going to write a long comment, but I changed my mind. You will have to read my blog post for the story instead.

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  18. In case you don't know it yet, you are a writer! Wow! I felt like I was sitting here watching a video clip of the event, it was that real. What a unique engagement story!

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  19. I think there should always be a pre-engagement conversation. Boys should test the water a little before they jump in, and potentially get shot down (How do you like them mixed idioms?). You husband sounds like a smart fella. Before all the fanfare and public humiliation of getting engaged on a Southwest airlines flight over the intercom, there was a quiet conversation in the cab of a Chevy truck where boyfriend said something like: I need an ironing board. You know, if we were married I could use your ironing board. And I would share my rice cooker with you. I had no real desire for his rice cooker, but I played along, and soon we had planned our wedding registry. And I deduced that people with wedding registries usually get married. And so we did.

    P.S. I like your blog

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  20. Aren't you being a little hard on yourself? I think the pic is adorable. And what a funny, sweet proposal story!

    I'm tagging you for a meme for sharing 8 little or unknown things about yourself. Someone tagged me at www.angelawd.wordpress.com and I am passing along the joy to someone I like to read about. If you’re not interested, no problem but if you are interested, you just list your 8 things and then pass it along to 8 others. My post for this is up now. Take care!

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  21. What a cute story - what a sweet memory! The picture is fuzzy, but still shows how adorable you both were. Take care.

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  22. I am at work and trying not to laugh out loud. That was really funny! What a great story. But yeah, you were still crazy to get engaged so fast! ;-) But I thought I would date someone for much longer than I did my husband. We knew each other 4 months before getting officially engaged, but pretty much knew we were getting married at least a month sooner. It's working out great so far!

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  23. Anonymous11:57 AM

    I'm going anonymous for this one - feel free to delete if you want.

    We were talking about how we were all Mormon and couldn't have sex with anyone, and talking about who we would have sex with if we could, but really, we decided the whole chastity thing in general was a good idea.

    Then we were making out and had to stop (you know, because we were Mormon) and he was all quiet, and I asked him what he was thinking about. He said "I was wondering if I ever will have sex with her" and that started the marriage discussions.

    We'd been together 5 months, and had a 5 month engagement. I guess it was hormones after all, but we've been married 11 fabulous years.

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  24. I too was a mocker of the quick engagments, until it happened to me. Now I just refer to us as "just another retarded mormon couple who got married after like 3months".

    And we weren't sitting anywhere when this topic got brought up. We were rolling around making out.

    It was like "hey so you love me?"
    "yeah pretty much"
    "so we're going to get married"
    "sounds good to me"
    resume makeout

    official proposal 1 month later

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  25. Same here -- we just...decided to get married. After ten+ years, I wonder if I'll ever actually be asked.

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  26. What a great story! I love hearing about how people met or got engaged. Mine was in front of the tv, Friends to be exact, and while it was completely unromantic it's a story that I love to tell!!

    Our engagement photo sucked! I have on the darkest lipstick I have probably ever worn and there is a GIANT glare off the husband's glasses!

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  27. Kalli, LOL, that is a way better story, ha!

    Anon, LOL. I'm sure hormones had
    NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR ENGAGEMENT. Nothing. No way.

    Did I mention it was originally supposed to be a five month engagement with a Christmasy wedding? But we couldn't handle waiting? And so we moved it up to September? Yeah, I can't relate at ALL. :>

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  28. "You know, if we were married I could use your ironing board. And I would share my rice cooker with you." Ha ha ha

    Be still my heart.

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  29. This is the best story ever. Now I have to write about my engagement story. But it doesn't come close to the awesomeness of yours.

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  30. You're lucky. My hair looks like that now.

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  31. I just found your blog through Beck's comments. I'm from Utah too (well I've lived here for 10 years now, so I'm from here, KWIM?), and when I read about your seeing a mouse for the first time in UT, I had to come over to say hi. Loved how you so politely asked people to comment if they read your blog. I started blogging last year because my in laws were on a mission, and it was easier to keep in touch with them through the blog; anyway, family and friends say they read the blog but they never comment. It makes me sad when I think nobody reads it...
    Very funny story about your proposal. My husband and I had been dating for a month when we started talking about when we were married. It freaked me out a little bit, but when he did propose a couple of months later, I said yes, and it's been almost 9 wonderful years.
    Your post from yesterday made me cry. I had a horrible day with my kids yesterday, and I totally agree with you. How come I'm alwayts such a grump with my own precious kids? It maked me wanna hide in shame. Thanks for writing my own feelings so accurately.
    Well, hope to see you post around in my blog sometimes
    "cheboricuas.blogspot.com".

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  32. That was GREAT! I had never heard your engagement story before. I love it!

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  33. madhousewife3:58 PM

    Haha - that's a great engagement story. Mine was (almost) equally speedy, but not nearly as entertaining. Eight weeks dating, four month engagement. He picked our wedding date (May 22) because it was the day Star Wars came out (originally). He knew he'd never forget it. Ah, yes. And I thought *I* liked Star Wars.

    On the subject of hormones, though, I would be talking with my co-workers about my marriage preparations (e.g. apartment-hunting, registering, etc.) and they would ask, "So are you living together now?" And I'd think, "Geez, they know I've only been dating him 8 weeks--what kind of girl do they think I am???"

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  34. hey super famous lady remember me? your one time faithful reader, I feel lame now that your rich and famous. well maybe not rich, but whatever. just wanted you to know, like every other person reading you're hilarious! loved the memos to your family post!

    are you taking my place at Holly's over thanksgiving? if so im so jealous! make sure you go through her stuff like i was goign to, only NO drawers- trsut me!

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  35. Genni5:49 PM

    I just found your blog a few days ago. It really worries me, though. We might be living parallel lives, sharing the same thought processes, reproducing at the same times, etc...This is waaay too close to my marriage proposal situation except that mine happened on the FIRST date. I would think you were my long lost twin sister, but you're younger, cuter, funnier and a better writer than I. The older post -"the one with all the crying" unnerved me because I didn't have a clue that there were others out there who need therapy as badly as I do.

    Seriously, we probably need some help.

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  36. Awww, what a great engagement story! And hey, I think it's great you gave his mom a little something to get on the horn and squawk about ;o) Love those stories where the couple just knew they were right for each other right from the start.

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  37. I love this post! What a great story. (But yeah, don't tell the kids...)

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  38. What a great sorta-kinda engagement story!!!!

    I was smiling the entire time I was reading it....it was so sorta-kinda romantic!!!! LOL

    What a great memory to have!!!

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  39. I love these stories — and the ones the other commenters are leaving. My husband and I were together for almost 7 years before we got engaged. His mother asked me what his plans were. This annoyed the bejaysus out of me but even though I can't really stand her, I have to give her credit in this case because her question prompted me to finally say, "Hey buddy, fish or cut bait." Thank god he decided to fish, because I really like him :-)

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  40. What an awesome story!

    My mom told me to wait 6 months to get married so "people could get used to the idea".
    see- http://suedonym1.blogspot.com/2006/11/shiny-shoes-and-hersheys-kisses.html

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  41. Oh the things a mom learns on the web! I have always thought you two were great for each other.

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  42. Oh the things a mom learns on the web! I have always thought you two were great for each other.

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  43. Hey I'm number 45! :)

    Great story. So romantic.

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  44. What a great story!

    My husband got a ring and was so excited, he just handed me a gold box and said, "Here!" with a big goofy smile.

    The ring was exactly how I always pictured an engagement ring to be so I didn't really care then. Now, as I look back on it, I feel jipped.

    About 11 years ago, we about lost a house (layoffs, etc.) and we were desperate for money. I ended up having to sell my beautiful dream ring. He keeps promising me a new ring and when he makes good on that promise, he best be on one knee asking me to marry him again!

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  45. Great blog!

    Our engagement was similar. We dated for 3 months, were engaged for 6 months and have been married for 12 years. Who'd a thunk it?

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  46. Loved your story ... it would seem that you crazy mormons are a lot like dual military couples, getting married quick to get orders together and all that. But three months! Sheesh! Hubby and I dated for four months, then married two months after getting engaged. He poured beer into wine glasses and proposed to me in his barracks. (I guess mormons would've had bubbly apple cider, or something?)
    Congratulations on your wonderful, happy marriage!

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  47. so cute! I love engagement stories. and I think they're more fun in the non-traditional sense. mine was.

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  48. My husband proposed to me on my parents' couch after they went to bed. I remember thinking, after he popped the question, "Oh my gosh! What if my parents are listening behind the den door?!" Thanks for sharing your story. God bless!

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  49. p.s. I tagged you!!

    http://ondragonflywings.blogspot.com/

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  50. Hey Sue - Thanks for coming over and leaving such nice Anniversary wishes - take care and see you soon.

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  51. it warms my heart...I have been hearing so many and i mean sooooo many marriages that didn't last...or turned out terrible...

    I told myself, I must make mine work...so far its fantastic 7 years.

    Yours is 11 years, and I believe many many more loving years to come....

    3 cheers for your great marriage!
    *big smile*

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  52. Hi,
    I just found your blog today, and not wanting to cause you any emotional distress, I will leave a comment.
    I loved your engagement story! So fun and sweet.
    Our engagement went something like....."So, should we go look at rings tomorrow?" Come to think of it, I don't think he actually asked me to marry him, I just assumed that's what he meant, and went ahead and bought a dress, planned the reception, sent out invitations.......... I hope that was what he had in mind.
    We dated for a year, and were engaged for 4 months. We probably would have been married sooner, but my mom made us wait until my brother got home from his mission. We got married one week after he got home. I later found out that my brother's mission president asked him to extend, and stay a few more months. He said he would love to, but his sister would kill him.
    We have been married for almost 15 years:)
    Loved your post about the Leprachauns. I think you must go to the same pre school we do.
    We finally had to tell one of our kids the truth about Santa last year (he was just getting too old, I was afraid he would get teased at school) He happened to answer the door hen Mr. UPS man brought a very large package. He could see that it was something that his sister had asked Santa for. I explained to him that the gift was to be from Santa, and I would be very dissapointed if she were to find outw here it really came from, and then I said "Get my drift?" He looked very thoughtful for a moment, and then said o.k. he wouldn't tell her. The funny part, was that after that, every time anyone in our house said anything about Santa, he floated by and said "I'm drifting!!!"
    Yesterday, he came up and asked me "How much is "Santa" (Quotation marks done with fingers") willing to spend on me this year? At least I could tell him "Sorry dude, we're broke, you're getting socks."
    I love your writing, I will be back!
    Jill

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  53. Awesome post!!!! Although you have 54 comments before me to tell you about that! ;)

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  54. I gave you an award on my blog. Even though I know that you've already gotten it before.

    Hope you like it!

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  55. Sue - that is the sweetest thing. I am glad you think of that as your 'real' engagement. I think it was, too.
    Hey, we've been married for 11 years, too. Weird how quickly it's gone by, don't ya think?

    Thanks for sharing - Heidi

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  56. That is a great, funny story. I so enjoyed it. I married my English husband six years after I met him online. I had proposed quite a few times over the years. When he finally said yes, it didn't quite register:) How many of you know about fiance visas?

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  57. I just found your blog, and SO want to "borrow" your comments - comment on your side bar!! (can I, can I, Please??) I know that my family is lurking on my blog, but they don't comment... I REALLY hate that!
    I loved this post about engagements... mine went something like this:
    Him: Hey! We're pretty good at this, what do you think?
    Me: Good at what?
    Him: Oh. You know. This. Us. What do you think?
    Me: I don't understand. What are you trying to say?
    Him: -sigh- Us. Being together. Don't you think we should get married?
    Me:Oh. That. Yeah. Sure. I guess so. (Never mind we too had only been dating for 3 weeks... silly silly, silly Mormons! If my kids do that I am soo grounding them!)
    Here we are 14 years later... still going strong!! I am not usually that dense... but it was necessary so I could actually 'hear' those magic words!!
    Your blog is a fantastic read, and might I add, an exclamation point on many of my same feelings! Thanks!!

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  58. Love your detailed account of the (fake) proposal. So funny.

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  59. I love that story! I know what you mean about being a huge possible train wreck being fast and all, but when it's perfect, why wait. You guys are so great together. I really admire your marriage. loves

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  60. You'll probably never read this, being down at the bottom of 61 comments! But I just have to say what a wonderful piece of writing. So funny. I'm sitting here picturing every minute. Now THAT'S a proposal!

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  61. love this post,

    we got engaged becaue I was pregnant. I know, in THIS day in age, why the HECK would we do this? Anyway, I was completely content with remaining engaged, for the rest or our lives. :) At Christmas he announced to everyone, "are you all ready for a wedding this summer?" Confused I looked at him and said, "who's wedding" As it came out of my mouth, I was so mad and embarrassed. So yeah, he was talking about OUR wedding, which meant I had to get my butt in gear and plan the darn thing.

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  62. Anne, I read EVERY comment. Every time. :>

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  63. Ha! I love your writing! Very funny story!

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