Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Little Known Facts

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Fact 1:
In case you ever wondered, even if you have those cool motion sensor thingies on your garage door opener? The garage door will still close directly onto your vehicle, as long as the wheels are not directly in front of the sensors.

Fact 2:
FYI, the sound the garage door makes as it bears down on your SUV is like this: "SCREEEECHSCRAPECRUNCH"

Fact 3:
In other car related news, my three year old did some testing and confirmed that it is after all possible to slam the car door closed on your own head.

Fact 4:
Did you know that if you feed a dog really cold water, the dog will puke all over the family room carpet and a little bit on your foot?

Fact 5:
Sometimes, if you think you lost your debit card at the grocery store, and you look all over the store and the parking lot, and in your purse, and in the car, and in your pockets, and then give up and go home and report the card lost, you will find the missing card in your back pocket three days later. Magic!

Fact 6:
If you go out with new friends who you want to impress, and you drink a whole bunch of Diet Coke, and they make you laugh really really really hard, there is a distinct possibility that you might pee yourself a little.

Fact 7:
Peeing yourself in public when you are fully grown is not funny OR cool. People tend to look askance at that. For some reason.

Fact 8:
If you start a group weight loss blog, that act alone doesn't mean you actually need to reduce your food intake - in fact, it might be a good time to binge! Repeatedly! With lots of ice cream!

Fact 9:
If people visit your house and they tell you they really, really, really like it, and it's the best house ever in the history of the world, and the price is right, and they totally want it and will call you later that day, you will NEVER HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN. And this may very well happen several times in a row.

Fact 10:
I am not having a good week. Tears have been shed.

Please keep me from flinging myself off a cliff. If you've ever completely embarrassed yourself in public, hearing about it would really cheer me up right now. Show me some love people. Show me some love.

P.S. Read the comments, they are hilarious!

P.P.S. Thanksgiving day weight loss reminder up at FTF


  1. You forgot the fact that if you read that blog "Navel Gazing at its Finest" you will feel much better about your life than you did before reading it.

    But if it makes you feel better I will tell you about an embarrassing moment...

    once I was really sick and took a bunch of Nyquil so I could function enough to get to church (I was still single and was aging rapidly - therefore I really needed to find a wife so missing church was not an option - plus I could use the sympathy). Anyways, it was fast and testimony meeting and when you are on high doses of Nyquil the Spirit really speaks to you, so I decided to get up and relate my feelings to the ward.

    The girl before me was going on a mission to New York, so I had to let her know that she would love it... it's such a great place! Unfortunately she also mentioned that she hoped we were all around when she came home so she could share her stories with us... my response to this comment, from the pulpit, was:

    "I hope you enjoy your mission, but if I'm here when you get back I'll be PISSED!" I have never lived that down amongst our friends or anyone who was there that day.

  2. I used to chase my mom around Fred Meyer in one of those electric scooter things pretending like I was retarded and shouting, "Mooooom, moooom. Don't leave me here like you did last time!" She was REALLY embarrassed by that. Man, that was so fun.

  3. I try not to hate all those people who lied to me and said they loved my house and swore they were writing a contract on it as soon as they could find their realtor; but it's difficult.

    Selling a house sucks. Make sure to read Barb's So The Thing Is Blog post from yesterday.

    I don't think I have any acutely embarrassing moments; I behave more or less at a low, chronically embarrassing level, so nothing really stands out. I just know that a lot of people who said they'd really like to get together again never call back (like those house buyers).

  4. Once I fainted. Yes, I fainted while giving a talk in church. I fainted WHILE giving a talk. And the guy I thought I was in love with was there. I was so morbidly embarrassed I left church and hid for the rest of the day.

  5. After feeling vaguely discontented for awhile at my wee tiny house, I now find that the closer I get to the point where we might actually put it on the market, the more convinced I become that the house is plenty big enough, and actually I want to live here forever.

    (I hear you on the bad week. After the $3500 car repair/$90 furnace-switch fiasco, Bub now has the barfing flu. Yay us!)

  6. Antique Mommy6:12 AM

    You should have some pie and then go buy yourself a little something and then maybe stop by the library and read all the magazines you want. That usually cheers me up.

  7. Let's see. I threw up on the subway in DC once. Everyone gave a collective "ewwww" and moved back really quickly. I got off at the next stop, Arlington Cemetery, and threw up for about 15 hours into a wastebasket. As the subway stopped to let off passengers, each new group said "ewwww" and scurried away quickly. I have never toured Arlington Cemetery, but I have puked there!

  8. I peed my pants at the Haunted House at the State Mental Institution. I was a guest, not a resident...a'ight? I mean, not just a little, I mean shoes and socks-soaking wet.

    I also slipped in my heels and skirt right in the middle of Grand Central Station in NYC. There I was, all sprawled out on the floor with my skirt up around my ears.

  9. My "mom" happened to be at the grocery store at the same time I was so I thought I would surprise her. She hadn't seen me and was concentrating so intently on her list I thought I would go to the next aisle over and huck some bags of pasta over on her and maybe in her basket.

    Remember that my mom has the "mom cut" that lots of ladies have and it actually wasn't my mom but some lady who was notthatpleased to have a 30 year old tossing groceries at her?

  10. ooooh - bad week?

    I'm sending you THE LOVE.

  11. There are so many moments that I just can't think of one right now. I try to block stuff like that out...LOL

    Sounds like a tough week for sure. Hope it gets better soon.

  12. You should get together with Jo this week, she will take you to Leatherbys and you will eat wonderful ice cream and she will make you laugh and you can talk about how very well the weight loss blog is going.

  13. In 8th grade I was on a school trip to DC. For lunch we went to this really cool mall and of course being 14 year old girls we ate our lunch as fast as possible so we could go shop! Me and two friends were in the Limited. It was one of those two-story stores with a very wide staircase in the middle. I started down the stairs and somehow slipped. Everything was happening in slow motion. I flailed my arms trying to catch the railing but instead tumbled and somersaulted down the stairs, landing at the bottom on my back with the SKIRT up around my waist displaying my underwear for all to see. And pretty much all my friends could do was laugh. Can't say I blame them.

  14. Nicole7:35 AM

    I love you Sue!

    I am the queen of bad weeks and embarrassing moments. I WAS the three year old that proved you can slam the car door on your own head...and the teenager that proved that if you swing a bat at a ball hard enough, you can have it go all the way around and knock yourself out with it.

    I could go on and on if you really wanted me to, but I'll stop and just say: I feel your pain. And it will cycle around to better again soon. You're too nice and funny for it not to.

  15. Selling a house is horrid. I say burn it down, take the insurance money, and run.

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  17. We do love you! Sorry your week isn't going so swimmingly.

    Um, take a bubble bath? And try to relax maybe?

    Says the offerer of the most lame advice evah.

  18. Given my age, I've had a lot of embarrassing moments. I'll share only one. The kids and I were in So. California on spring break. Our funds were a little limited and towards the end of the trip we were about spent out. My younger, single brother lived in the area so we made arrangements to go out to dinner with him. I was a little concerned about what it would cost and had said to the kids before we left. "Maybe younger brother will buy us dinner." At the end of dinner, my brother pulled out his credit card to pay for the meal. My youngest child, age 5 or 6 at the time, proclaimed loudly, "Mom, he's paying for dinner just like you hoped he would." I smiled a weak smile and tried to crawl under the table.

  19. The UPS man saw me naked and soaking wet when I jumped out of the shower to answer a ringing phone just as he arrived at the screen door.

  20. We're selling our house, too. I want to kill myself.

    But reading everyone's funny embarrassing stories makes me want to tell this really funny embarrassing story about my husband, because it's more fun to laugh at HIM than it is to laugh at the time I got drunk and tap danced in public.

    When I was pregnant with my second child, I did a lengthy (20 week) stint of bed rest. My older daughter was two at the time and she was very curious about the whole baby and how babies are born (luckily, no questions then about how the baby GOT in my tummy) and so I told her. My husband took her out to dinner one night and the restaurant was quite crowded. Which was good because when my child held her pink bear up in the air and yelled, "This bear has a VAGINA!!" there were so many, many people to hear her.

    That's the day my husband started drinking Scotch.

    I do have a funny story for you at my own expense, though. http://sothethingisblog.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-dont-do-linear.html

  21. When I was pregnant with the boys I threw up in the middle of Tony Roma's, while having lunch with my MIL at Luby (right at the table- just lovely) and in front of a large group of well dressed women at Sears. I have also burped my way through a first date, walked into a closed glass door, and fallen off the chair-lift in front of my class. ( I was the teacher at the time!)
    Hope your week gets better quickly!!

  22. flippin bowler9:03 AM

    A couple weekends ago we went bowling with friends, and there was a cute, sweet 7 or 8 year old girl bowling next to us with her dad. I was seriously stinkin it up, and I think I had a total score of, like 12, in the 6th frame. Remember how I'm the girl who took bowling in college, and love to brag about that like it's cool & I'm a pro bowler. So, I was seriously ticked that the lane & ball were not cooperating with me that night. On frame 7 I bowled a STRIKE, & instead of being happy I was even more ticked because why were the lane gods finally being nice to me, where were they the last 6 frames?!?!?!!! SOOO, I flipped off the lane & pins...both hands, big ol' one finger salute. When I turned around, guns still a blazin', that sweet little girl was standing RIGHT THERE gazing up at me like I was her hero! I put my hands down & managed to say "oh, hi." All our friends were cracking up.

    So, at least you didn't scar children that aren't even your own!I promise I am not usually so discusting. I think I will submit this as anonymous.

  23. I never have embarrassment in public - because I block it all out as soon as it happens! Just kidding.

    I can attest to fact #4 and 5 - I've experienced both of those.

    Here's a fact to commiserate with your garage door - did you know if you don't give yourself a wide enough berth to turn a parking lot corner, that you will hit the parked car that's sitting there and thus cause great crunching noises, followed by lots of money shelled out to fix your car since the other one had a steel bumper and didn't get a scrape?

  24. Manics do so many embarrassing things in public that it is hard to select one. I can't dance very well, but when I am manic, I have danced in public, thinking I am a gifted dancer. I mean Isadora Duncan type dancing, complete with a scarf. Once I danced at twilight on the roof garden of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I do dance better when manic because I am not self-conscious, but I am not up to a public performance.

  25. I was a freshman in high school and I was running late to class. It was a snowy wet day and for some reason that I still don't understand, I decided to wear a short suede skirt and clunky, platform shoes. (did i mention is was a wet, snowy day?) So I'm hurrying to my class heading down the wet, slippery stairs in my large, clunky, platform shoes and I fall. Hard...and I slide all the way down the stairs. My backpack is up around my head and my skirt is bunched up under my armpits displaying everything to the world. Luckily the only people that were around (i was running late) were the incredibly attractive and slightly intimidating Senior guys that were standing at their lockers at the bottom of the stairs.

    They tried to help me up but that only made it worse. I went to a very small high school so it made avoiding them next to impossible! Luckily they graduated that year and i never told any of my friends about that morning I was late to spanish!

  26. I pee my pants every time I read your blog, Sue!

    I've also puked in a pool full of people, farted really loud on a blind date, fallen down the stairs in a musical, laughed at the same time I was drinking pop causing a bugar (and the pop) to fly out my nose, and of course the typical start my period and leak on stuff moments!

    Hang in there! You're just building your repetoire of great stories.

  27. Oh I will show you love. I will tell you that I know the exact sound you're talking about with the garage door. I have heard it myself. I have a feeling that today will be a lovely day, dog vomit free.

  28. I pee myself a little all of the time. Very gross but true. And I have c-sections! I would be so in diapers if I had my babies the other way.

    Diet coke makes me really spazzy too and I make an arse of myself "on it" all of the time. Okay I make an arse of myself without it too.

    The Nyquil story is awesome. I can't wait to be in church sometime when someone lets it loose with a piss or hell or damn, I will love it! It will probably be me.

  29. These were all so funny and I'm sorry about the car and garage door and head being slammed in the car door and the tears ... I enjoyed this, Sue - you are very witty indeed. I, however, have no embarrassing moments - I'm completely appropriate at all times in public - see ya.

  30. Here is something worse than having people say that they love your house and want to buy it, and then never see them again.
    We had someone actually give us a full price offer, put down money, (it wasn't a huge amount, should have been a red flag) and then the day before we were supposed to close found out that they couldn't get the loan! When they made their offer, their realtor told us they had been pre-approved, so he had lied to us. Our realtor couln't get hold of theirs for the two weeks before the closing, so I think he knew about the situation, and was avoiding his calls.
    We had already moved into our new house, so now we were stuck with 2 mortgage payments, and were back to square one with selling our old house.
    Everything worked out eventually, but it was a stressful situation. At least we got to keep the down payment.

  31. Sounds rough. And I honestly don't know which embarassing moment to share. There's just so danged many!So, all I can do is offer solace that you're not alone.

  32. I led the RS opening hymn on Sunday with my garments hanging out the bottom of my shirt. I had just nursed my daughter, and hadn't, um, tucked things in properly. Yes, all eyes were on me that day.

    I have heard that garage door meets car sound. It's ugly. So is selling your house. I feel your pain.

  33. Oh Sue! How can you be so darn funny when you're sharing such tragedies!

    Here we go - I backed out of the garage...with one of the doors open. Crunch. I rear ended someone when parking because I confused the pedals. Oh so -that's- the brake pedal! I once came home from a playdate where I'd been trying to impress a new friend, and discovered I had a huge snot goober on the side of my face. I woke up from a nap once to discover that Emma woke up before and smeared strawberries all over the beige living room carpet, and then poured half a gallon of milk into the self same carpet. I can email you some that are worse. Seriously. You only have to say. I have no problem sacrificing my dignity for a friend. =)

  34. This just made my day. I can only add that I was with my family one day. I was 6 or so months pregnant at the time and my family got me laughing.


    And then harder.

    And then so hard I peed in my dress and had leave the room because I literally was hysterical. It was bizarre yet quite embarrassing!

    I don't know that sound and I hope I never do, but I know all about kid things. I once accidentally tried to roll up an automatic window that my son's head was hanging out of. Ergh!

    Hope your week gets better!

  35. Let's see. In the past year, at an age when I should know better, I backed my car into what was supposed to be our open garage door only to hear the crunch confirming that it was after all closed. Followed only a month later by backing out and hitting my very full garbage can, promptly tearing off the driver's side mirror and denting the fender.
    Weight? I gained four pounds in one weekend by eating a COMPLETE 12 oz. bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Only last month I slipped on the ice in above driveway at 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning and lay there wondering if I would freeze to death before someone realized I was missing.
    Then two weeks later I was rear-ended at a stop light, and what appeared to be a few scrapes on the bumper turned into a muffler replacement requiring a four week wait for the insurance adjuster and so far no parts available...while driving a car that sounds like a jet taking off.
    And if we endure to the end, we will have joy!
    In the meantime, LOVE To You!

  36. My most embarrassing story: I was HEAVILY pregnant with my second child, and my almost two-year old was in a MOOD. I had to use the bathroom to pee in a cup (as usual at every appointment), and Emily kept trying to get into the cupboards, unroll the toilet paper, dig in the garbage, ETC ETC ETC. SO, I peed past, hauled up my maternity pants as quickly as possible, flushed the toilet and washed my hands and got out of there FAST. I walked through the waiting room to sit down and wait for my actual appointment. The only available seats were ALL the way in the back. I see people looking at me kind of funny, and I hear some giggles behind me, but my focus was on sitting down and getting Emily involved in a toy or book or SOMETHING. As I sit down, I heard a crinkling sound and reached behind me to see what I'd sat down on, and pulled out the toilet seat cover. Which had previously been sitting on the toilet in the bathroom. Which, in my hurry, I'd somehow managed to pull up with my pants, so it was hanging out like a tail. AND NO ONE SAID A WORD TO ME. I almost cried, I was sooooo embarrassed. I got home and called my mom to tell her and she cried from laughing so hard.

    There, does that make you feel any better?

  37. Laughing HARD at these tales of woe! Most of my moment are small and involve huge amounts of over-sharing... but I did break one of our kitchen chairs when I sat my 8 month pregnant bum in it. That was only in front of Dadguy, though.

    There was the one time with the beer, the mexican food, the 12 foot Burmese Python, a rabbit, two dogs and ENDLESS amounts of vomiting on my part.... but that story is a post in itself. And it's grosser than it is funny.

  38. Hey... if you get together with Jo, can I come too?

  39. Oh my gosh! LOL!
    Absolutely hysterical.
    I did know you can close a sensored garage door closed on a car, because I have in fact seen it.
    Thanks for the giggles. ;-)

  40. On my first day at BYU, I heard that it was really cool to go study in the periodical section. I started down the four flights of marble stairs as a girl on crutches came up them (to this day I wonder why she didn't use the elevator!). She tripped me with a crutch and I tumbled down the HARD, MARBLE stairs...my new backpack broke open and tampons, books, pencils, and all the other ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY things went everywhere.
    I sat there hoping nobody saw (after all wasn't I at BYU to date hott marriageable guys WHILE getting my education?) and then two guys stopped to help me pick up my stuff. One of them asked if he could give me a call later to make sure I was okay - even after gathering up tampons - and I said,

    "Sure, but I don't know my phone number!"

    Everyone started laughing while tears came to my eyes.

  41. Oh yeah! You know the Kohls in AF? I had gone in one day to do some shopping (my sis had my kids) and when I came back out of the store with my brand new boots, I discovered that someone had stolen my 2001 Dodge Caravan. I wandered the parking lot in the rain, crying, and wondering WHY the crap someone would steal my lousy van when there were so many lovely vehicles to pilfer. I went back into the store soaking wet, and asked one of the sales clerks if I could please use their phone to call the cops, my car had been stolen. She looked at me oddly and asked if I was sure that I was looking in the right lot.


    I then went out the CORRECT door, to find my van parked exactly where I remember parking it. This is the first time I have EVER told anyone this tale, but I still have to wonder why they made two IDENTICAL doors with two IDENTICAL parking lots.... but mostly I just wonder at my lack of direction.

  42. {{{hugs}}} Sue. I'm sorry to laugh so hard at your misfortune, but the way you write has given you fans that will surely raise your spirits. ;-)

  43. Last week I was at Walmart with my 3 yo son. He had fallen asleep in the store and I was trying to load him into the car without waking him (oh and I should mention I live in Washington so it was raining) or getting him wet. I quickly buckled him into his booster seat and shut the door. Unfortunately I ahd not yet removed my head from the car and I slammed the door into my face. I had a bruise from the bridge of my nose to my upper lip.

    I had a job interview that afternoon and the interviewer could not stop staring at my bruise.

  44. I actually blogged about this a week or so ago. In junior high, I had this mega crush on a red-headed boy from band class all year. I also had fat warts. And then I got them frozen. And they got really fat and puffy.
    So one day, I was in band class and I just COULD. NOT. RESIST. squeezing those puffy little warts. My crush must have leaned in closer to get a better look at the disgustingness. All of the sudden, the wart popped and a stream of juice squirted up and hit my crush in the face. He jumped up and the ran out of the room, screaming at the top of his lungs, "My eye! My Eye! She got wart juice in my eye!"

  45. i've had so many embarrassing moments i can't even recall one specific one to share with you. most of them involve the tricky way my foot always ends up in my mouth.

    i hope you have a happy thanksgiving.

  46. Goodness, I can't compete with wart juice, but...

    I was 19. I had just been underwear shopping (civvies: B&P, a couple of girdle-y things), and then went home to try them on in the privacy of my room. While I was in there, the 16-17 year old boys from church came to the front door and offered to hunt for scorpions in the back yard with a black light. My Dad gave them the o-kay. I hadn't shut the blinds, because it was dark, and who would be out back in the dark?

    A few minutes later, the boys came to the door, told my Dad, "We weren't peeping," and ran off.

    Later that week, two of the boys' older brothers called and asked me out.

  47. I'll make you a deal, I'm compile some of my most embarrassing moments and put them on my blog tonight or tomorrow. In exchange, you laugh ruefully and conclude that perhaps your life doesn't suck so much after all. Deal?

  48. I worked in a hospital & had to get a patient's information sheet printout. I did this fairly quickly, as it was time to shut down the office I worked in. I returned and said (politely and without precedence): "Here is your admit sh*t." Then I started laughing so hard at my blunder that I actually spit on this poor man.

    In a college modern dance class, I did a grand jete across the floor. The instructor exclaimed approval. I landed Uungracefully) and broke three bones in my foot. I had to retake that class the next year.

    I have cracked 2 toilet seats whilst hugely pregnant. Pinch= ouch!

    I went running with my husband-to-be while we were just dating. I wanted to impress him with my (then) athletic prowess. Instead I fell off the curb and landed in a heap on the side of the road.

    There are so many more. It is truly sad how many more there are....

  49. Meanwhile after I made my husband come over and read these comments with me, he went to let the dog out and tripped over an ottoman. This is probably the 1200th time he's done that since we got it. It is not a subtle piece of furniture either--it is VERY NOTICEABLE. I held on as long as I could but I had to laugh, and now he is mortally offended.

    My most recent story is that it took 7 nurses to draw my blood last month. Apparently I am a vampire or something. Also I have tripped flat on my face after giving a speech to an auditorium packed with people. And now I have to go mock my husband some more.

  50. Sorry to hear you aren't having a good week - but look at it this way - it's a short week!!

    Embarrassing moments? God, there are so many!

    Peeing your pants when you laugh?? Jesus, I do that every time I laugh, cough, sneeze - you name it.

    Have a great Thanksgiving.

  51. I worked in a hospital & had to get a patient's information sheet printout. I did this fairly quickly, as it was time to shut down the office I worked in. I returned and said (politely and without precedence): "Here is your admit sh*t." Then I started laughing so hard at my blunder that I actually spit on this poor man.

    In a college modern dance class, I did a grand jete across the floor. The instructor exclaimed approval. I landed Uungracefully) and broke three bones in my foot. I had to retake that class the next year.

    I have cracked 2 toilet seats whilst hugely pregnant. Pinch= ouch!

    I went running with my husband-to-be while we were just dating. I wanted to impress him with my (then) athletic prowess. Instead I fell off the curb and landed in a heap on the side of the road.

    There are so many more. It is truly sad how many more there are....

  52. Oops. I didn't mean to post my comment twice.

  53. That's o.k. Rynell, anything that makes the comment number go up is always perfectly fine with me, tee hee

    Oh man, all of these comments are HILARIOUS, thank you SO much for making me laugh, and laugh, and laugh :> Blog friends are SO awesome.

    Angie - Er, you do not seem to grasp the amount of pee I am talking about. It's like, o.k., sometimes if you cough, a little bit of pee comes out. But if you are really, really, really full of coke, there is no such thing as a little bit of pee. I'm talking - noticeable amount of pee. Oh good heavens. Why am I TELLING people this? Apparently I have no shame.

    Jennifer - deal.

    Bon and Jo - let's do it.

  54. Oh, and Wiz - my husband thinks you have the right idea ;>

  55. Putting #6 in the database for further reference.

    Checking you out via Hollywood Flakes. Great blog!

  56. You are soooo stinkin' hilarious! I'm sorry to laugh so hard at your misfortune, but when you have the most incrediblly optimistic and humorous slant on even your misfortunes, how could I not?

    And LOL at Lacey's wart juice story...man, I about peed myself reading that one!

    I'll be posting some of my most embarrassing moments on my blog Friday or Saturday if you'd care to take a look. Trust me when I say that you are not alone.

  57. I've arrived at this fine site through a link posted by jen on the edge. So funny! I can't think of anything that tops some of these comments, but here's one thing that happened to me a few weeks ago. I'm a nursing student/mom and live in Charlottesville, whose airport abbreviation is CHO. So, I'm in my lecture, with 80 other students, and the topic of the day is nutrition. The professor is talking about carbs writes CHO on the board and asks why it is significant and I screamed out, "Charlottesville airport!" Oops. She meant that carbs are made of Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen. (CHO.)

  58. Dude...you know that I have plenty of embarrassing moments in public! I have no shortage.

  59. Your list "...report the card lost, you will find the missing card in your back pocket three days later." I find it's usually *the moment after* you report it stolen. But that's just me.

    Plenty of embarrassing moments...but right now I've got to run to the loo. I was laughing too much while reading your list of facts...



  60. Oh hey, I don't want to hear about your bad week. I would trade it for a moving days before Thanksgiving in which I am hosting week any day!

    Except for the barf on the foot thing.

    Or the pee the pants thing.


    I gotta find my dishes.

    And silverware.

    And glasses.

    And. . . . .

  61. Oh, I cannot believe that I just came straight over to your blog just after posting on my own! Now you need to go over and read my post from must moments ago, titled, "An embarassing, make that a VERY embarassing, moment.." or something to that effect! AND, I might add, I JUST TWO DAYS AGO, for the first time in my entire life, closed the garage door onto the back of my car. It very nicely and kindly and quietly went back up, THANK GOODNESS! My husband just happened to be home and would have surely heard it otherwise and would have given me some very fatherly advice about how not to close the garage door on the back of the car...like I would ever make that mistake again!!! AND the only reason I even SHUT the garage door on the car is that he had just showed me the PERFECT place to line the mirror up with in order to park the car PERFECTLY in the garage (in other words, I just wasn't meeting up when it came to parking the car in the garage). He would never have understood though, or seen the correlation, that it only happened because of HIS "helpful" advice! I still would have had to watch him park that darned car in the PERFECT manner! :) Okay, now to read others comments.....

  62. Oh, and one more thing, our dog JUST did the same thing! One of the girls had just given her water and she drank it up and promptly waddled over to the only area rug we have in the entire area she is allowed and BARFED! My daughter was sputtering, "WHY do they always pick the RUG to puke on when they've drunk too much water? WHY not the wood floor or the linoleum? This is the 3rd time she's done this!" And our other dog has done it only once, she noted! At least he's not so dumb to do it repeatedly, is what she concluded!

  63. When I was dating my husband, we would often do our college classwork together at my parents' house. One such evening, after we had been dating for only a few weeks, I found that I needed to use the bathroom desperately. I knew things might be a bit on the (ahem) noisy side, so I tried to go upstairs to the bathroom there. No luck--occupied. I had to use the downstairs bathroom, adjacent to the room in which we were studying.

    I sat down to take care of business, only to have an extremely loud explosion issue forth. I hoped desperately that he hadn't heard anything (after all--we hadn't been dating very long), but my worst fears were confirmed when I re-entered the room. He kept a straight face for, oh, maybe 2 seconds before he started laughing. I nearly died.

    It must not have been too bad because he married me anyway (or maybe because).

  64. Oh, one minor detail I missed when I posted about closing the garage door onto the back of the car...my husband had shown me to line the mirror up to a nail on the wall. I lined it up to the wrong nail a teensy bit farther back than he had shown me...about 16" farther back!!! Oops! He should have left well enough alone!!! So maybe I didn't park it perfectly before but at least I always got it all the way into the garage! And I don't know how the garage door went back up. It definitely didn't get stopped by the car being parked in the sensors' way...the door had been on its way down! I think it also has a safety feature on it that if it hits something before fully down it will go back up! Whew! My husband will never know that I did that either because even if the door left no marks on the back of the car (I checked...twice!) he would still feel compelled to subject me to a free parking lesson, compliments of HIM! (and then would proceed to "remember" this incident to use as an example, very nicely but annoyingly, for the next 10 years or so of our marriage!)

  65. My aunt was once dogsitting and tied the leash of the dog, a small white fluffy creature, to the garage door handle. Imagine her consternation when her sister came home and pressed the garage door opener before checking to see if anything, say, an animal, was attached to it.

    My aunt got there in time to save the time, but not in time to prevent it from hanging there for a few minutes.

  66. Okay, I'm finally able to comment. My senior year of high school during rehearsal for a play, a group of us girls were sitting in the auditorium seats while the director worked with some male cast members on stage. We girls were having a "way too much information" conversation typical of high school girls (or maybe taht's high school theatre girls, or maybe it was just us) about various girl-specific things. Well, about twenty minutes into our oversharing, right after I had shared some valuable detail, the director stops, turns to us and says, "You do know we can hear you, right?" Um, we do now. I couldn't look my hot leading man in the face for like, an hour. Hey, he was REALLY hot. No room for shame with a face like that to look at.

  67. Sadly, I can greatly relate to your Fact 6 and I, too, am not just talking about a little wet spot when you cough, sneeze, talk or move, but full blown. In addition to this, do not just casually mention to your almost 10 year daughter that when you just sneezed you peed yourself, because then the next time you sneeze...at let's say a busy restaurant, she could very well ask you, quite innocently, "MOM, DID YOU PEE YOURSELF". Ahh, life is so good.

  68. i've never been embarrassed. in my whole life.

    well that, or i'm just used to feeling like an arse.

  69. I just embarassed myself yesterday at the Wal Mart self-checkout. You know how busy it was at any grocery store yesterday, so I had a long line of people behind me. I tried to hurry while scanning my stuff (which I have to say, I was pretty efficient.) Well, I go to pay and realize....I totally forgot I had bought gas before shopping and I didn't have enough money with me. I didn't have a debit/credit card with me and I only had a pile of 1 ten a few 5's and a heap load of ones. I was dying! It took forever for the checker lady to come and void a whole bag of stuff meanwhile I had all these angry people behind me. It was awful! I will never leave the house again without my cards! Especially now that I'm having so many "senior moments" lately!

  70. I just embarassed myself yesterday at the Wal Mart self-checkout. You know how busy it was at any grocery store yesterday, so I had a long line of people behind me. I tried to hurry while scanning my stuff (which I have to say, I was pretty efficient.) Well, I go to pay and realize....I totally forgot I had bought gas before shopping and I didn't have enough money with me. I didn't have a debit/credit card with me and I only had a pile of 1 ten a few 5's and a heap load of ones. I was dying! It took forever for the checker lady to come and void a whole bag of stuff meanwhile I had all these angry people behind me. It was awful! I will never leave the house again without my cards! Especially now that I'm having so many "senior moments" lately!

  71. Oh my goodness - what a week!

    To make you feel better, I have two:

    1. I was pantsed (sp?) onstage during a high school performance of Grease, thus baring my undies to a crowded auditorium (certain friends got in a bit of trouble for that one, both from me and from the school authorities).

    2. Also, when I was admitted to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy after spending 2 days being violently, violently ill (and therefore quite unclean and unsightly), a transporter wheeled me into pre-op and then squinted down at me over the top of the stretcher.

    "Hey!" She said. "Didn't you go to my-high-school-here?"

    Of all the times to run into one of the gorgeous ex-cheerleaders...

  72. OK, the worst thing that ever happened ... ready for this one? I was a junior in high school. I was in staring in our school's production of the Miracle Worker. I was Helen Keller - the blind gal? - so I wasn't supposed to see a thing. I was way into my role. The director had blocked the dinner scene to go like this: I try to toss water in the face of the girl playing Annie Sullivan. She stops it. Didn't go so well. I tossed, she didn't block. I didn't control my toss and proceeded to hit her across the bridge of the nose with a very heavy glass pitcher. She starts to bleed. A lot. Her first reaction is to haul off and smack me. In the nose. I start to bleed. A lot. We continue to fight - unblocked - around on the floor of the stage. During this fight, while both of our noses are a big bloody mess, my costume skirt goes way up over my head. Which makes it instantly apparent to the entire audience of, oh, 1000 people that not only had I gotten my period, but I had bleed all over my knee length white pantaloons. It was a very messy fight scene.
    That was a Thursday night.
    I had to go back to school on Friday.

  73. I'm so sorry. As for embarrassing myself, it never ends.

    I've been walked in on in a compromising state of undress in a restroom stall at the very crowded restroom in the Amsterdam airport.

    While working at the candy counter at the local university bookstore I once asked a couple of ladies how I could help them only to realize the one woman, who bore a striking resemblance to my female former basketball coach was indeed a man.

    I constantly forget names--even of people I know well. Sometimes I call them the wrong name and they look at me kind of funny.

    I'm a just a big geek, so I hope you feel much better now.

    Happy holidays!

  74. I lost my car once. I took my three year old daughter to an ice show and we were a little late so I parked in a hurry and we rushed in. When we came out, I had absolutely no idea where my car was in the huge parking lot. Did I mention I was big and pregnant? Finally, a nice family who saw me wandering around gave me a ride and we drove around until we found the car.

  75. Anonymous9:29 AM

    I've been blurking for the past couple of days, and I am in love with your blog. My embarassing moment? I was at my grandma's house, with my then boyfriend. I was wearing khaki's, and sitting on the ground with my knees up. My aunt calls me into the hallway (Cuz my parents weren't there) to let me know that I needed to use the restroom. I started my period. My khaki's had a very large red splotch. I had no other clothes (of course) and no tampons. "Um, boyfriend? We must needs leave now."
    (and he still liked me after that...)
    Can't leave my name with this one...