Friday, October 05, 2007

How to Waste Time

Pin It Sit down at the computer, open article I am supposed to rewrite tonight. Retype the first sentence. Realize the article is really bad. Check blog, look to see who has commented, check THEIR blogs, leave comments.

Back to the article. Read it for the third time. Realize I need a break to get creative juices flowing. Rewrite the lyrics to the William Tell Mom Song to revolve around mommy bloggers. Ponder making a video to put on blog. Remember hair, remember shreds of remaining dignity, realize this is a bad idea. Smell cookies. Investigate.

Back to the article. Rewrite 1st paragraph, 2nd paragraph – on a roll. Hear “bing bing” of Outlook. Get an email from a friend. Read it. Respond. Important to be thorough when responding. Amount of time it takes away from work is inconsequential, compared to friendship. Press Send and Receive to see if there is any new email. Do it again. (It’s like pulling the handle on a slot machine – what will happen after I press the magic button – will I get something good?)

Back to the article. Still boring. Check blog again. See new comment. Respond. Visit blog of person who left the comment. Leave comments there. See funny commenter. Visit blog. Leave comments.

Back to the article. Man, it's quiet in here. Turn on TV for background noise, accidentally get wrapped up in House Hunters. Which house will she choose? Will it be house #3? Husband asks if I’m coming to bed. Realize it’s late. Turn off TV.

Back to the article. Buckle down, really start cooking. Decide I need music. Pull up my Itunes. Put on Love Songs playlist. Think of something to add to latest exercise in (extremely crappy and embarrassing) romantic fiction. Decide to jot the idea down, not actually write out the whole scene.

After writing out the whole scene, back to the article. Take a drink of my soda. Realize I have a lot of soda cans on my desk. Start artistically arranging them so that I can take a picture for my blog, illustrating the extent of my soda addiction. Realize I’m becoming a bit of a jackass about my blog.

Back to the article. Starting to get really tired. Realize I have short window before falling asleep at the keyboard. Bang out the article. Just need to format and submit for publication. Decide this would make a good blog entry.

Back to the article...

(Note to husband: Honey, this is not what I'm doing up here usually. I SWEAR. It's just tonight. Really. I promise.)


  1. You caught me.

    We're not the same AT ALL.

  2. lord have mercy, you just described my day...

  3. OH DEAR! I have turned my hand to romantic fiction... all I seem to get for my efforts is quasi-fantasyworld cross species luuuuv. I wonder if perhaps one can be pychoanalysed based on what brand of lousy romance scene one produces.

  4. And here I was all flattered that I got TWO comments from you last night. Now I know you were just avoiding what you were supposed to be doing. Although I could be flattered that I am more fun than the article. Okay, I can live with that.

  5. Good luck. And thanks for visiting my blog. I'm happy it led me back to yours--I love it!

  6. I feel ya, sister. What do you suppose draws all of us little moths to the internet flame? Curisoity? Perhaps. Avoidance? Most likely. Glad to see that you're spending you time the same way that I am. Now, quit being witty and interesting. I've got work to do.

  7. angelawd12:44 PM

    You have totally described some of my writing days. Only I don't drink soda - just water for this girl. Ugh, I need to be more disciplined!

  8. Heehee. Please post the artsy soda can picture. Please.

  9. Unrelated to this post: I was going to send you the address to the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog because there was an article in the paper today about it, but it looks like you already know about it. :)

  10. Jackass,
    You're famous! I'm a bit jealous at all your fans. I love your blog dedication, but it is making it hard for me to wean off the blogstalking. I always gotta check to see what you have to say to make me laugh.

  11. Jo - no, it was ALL about you. All. (And I hope this does not sound creepy, but I thought about you today when we went for a drive in the mountains, which are SO GORGEOUS right now... I thought, Jo would love this.)

    Azucar - I have this theory that we may be long lost twins, except you went to the family that taught you good fashion sense and cooking and stuff

    Bon - I am not going to ask questions about cross species love? O.K., yes I am. Vampires and humans? Am I right?

    Holly - ha ha ha my blog traffic is so miniscule, you would mock me if you knew. Er, not that I ever look at what it is or anything.

    Ahna, that is the first time in my life someone has said that to me. Usually it's more along the lines of "quit being such a witch." It's a nice change, frankly.

    Annie, thanks, tee hee. I have been reading FMH for years. ;>

    cw - thanks - I lurked for a while at yours before I commented and I love it.

    Angelawd and Wendy - you would be horrified if you saw the quantity of soda I drink. I am doomed to die of aspartame poisoning, I know.

    Patti - productivity is vastly underrated, isn't it?

    See, this is why it's hard to respond to comments. Do I respond to them all? Is it rude to respond to some and not others? Should I pretend no-one commented and respond to nobody? I have no idea.

  12. I think you are such a good and funny writer! I have been "lurking" around your blog for a short while and have just loved your sense of humor and whit, thanks for some good laughs!

  13. Oh gosh Christina, thank you!

    See, this is why I love blogging - constant positive validation and low, low expectations. Welcome! : >

  14. This sounds vaguely familiar...something like trying to finish my senior thesis. It would always be midnight the day before a deadline and I'd be deep cleaning my bathroom and organizing my dorm room.

  15. We've had to seriously limit our boys' computer time (more homework...less surfin'). Of course, my twelve-year-old says, "What about Mom!?! When I was home sick the other day, she was on the computer all day long! No kiddin'!"

    Yeah. The sad thing is, he's right! But not EVERY day!

  16. Sue, I am so happy to hear it all about me, I keep telling my kids that, but they don't believe me.
    I have learned to appreciate the mountains so much since I started doing my Mountain Monday posts.
    A friend and I made up a word about cross species love. Watch this!
    Exo- for outsider
    Great word huh? You have my permission to use it as much as you like!

  17. Blah. Isn't it amazing how Househunters suddenly becomes the most fascinating show on t.v. when there's something productive to be done lurking around!

    Thanks for joining the bookclub! We've got a really good membership so far but discussion on the first book was pretty slim. I hope we get some more voices in on the discussion this month.

  18. Oh, I don't need the How To Waste Time tutorial -- It's one of the few subjects I feel that I've completely mastered. Shame!
    Thanks for visiting my blog (I'd actually already stumbled on yours and thought it was clever and so true to life. I'm a shameless link-about and sometimes it really pays off with some delightful blog discoveries.)

  19. I feel your pain! I thought everyone worked like that when they're writing...

  20. sometimes i think the computer/internet was invented just to be a waste of time.

    and oh, i can't wait for the publication of the romance novel!!!

  21. You nailed it!
    Found you at Good Mommy/Bad Mommy.
    Yer funny!

  22. Sit down at the computer, open article I am supposed to rewrite tonight. Retype the first sentence. Realize the article is really bad. Check blog, look to see who has commented, check THEIR blogs, leave comments.

    *cough*, um, that's exactly what I'm doing at the moment. . . -_-; It's a world-wide epidemic I tell you!

  23. The romantic fiction will be seen by outside eyes OVER MY DEAD BODY people. I'm putting a clause in my will insisting that that particular (password protected) folder on my hard drive must be erased before anybody gets any cash. It's that bad.

    "I'm a shameless link-about and sometimes it really pays off with some delightful blog discoveries." Oh my gosh, me too. I can't seem to stop myself.

  24. You crack me up! - but only because it's SO true!!
    Thanks for the link-love yesterday, and good luck with your article!