Friday, June 29, 2007

Brownies, etc.

Pin It I can think of very few situations in life where the phrase “Here, have a brownie” does not substantially improve upon whatever you originally planned to say.

For example:

“My boyfriend totally dumped me.”
“He’s a loser anyway. Here, have a brownie.”

“I just had a baby.”
“Aw, she’s so cute. Here, have a brownie.”

“Global warming sucks.”
“I know. Here, have a brownie.”

And so on. Unfortunately, this philosophy does not really lead one towards anything remotely resembling fitness.

The spring before last I lost almost fifty pounds. I still needed to lose another fifty pounds or so to be near my target weight, but I was pretty happy with the accomplishment. Granted, most people could not see a bit of difference, but I could tell. (That should tell you something about the realm of overweightness I had entered – when people cannot tell you have lost 47 pounds, because after you've lost it, you’re still fat – THAT my friends is called a reality check.) I was pleased though. I could fit into GAP jeans again and buy stuff in the regular section at Nordstrom. That summer I was feeling content and happy and not particularly motivated, and I stopped losing weight.


Less Fat

I’m not sure why I was so complacent when I was on a roll, but I just wasn't feeling the urgency. I felt good. I still feel good, actually. I don’t base my self worth on what I look like. I know that sounds so pie in the sky, la la la, but I really don’t. I guess that’s why it’s easy and comfortable for me to be fat. If I was going to feel bad about myself, I’d concentrate more on my tendency to be a B-I-T-C-H (I spelled it out so my mom wouldn't be offended) when I’m aggravated.
Anyway, despite the stall, I managed to keep off everything I’d lost for over a year, UNTIL about three weeks ago. We were in a very stressful holding pattern with our business. I was fairly zen like (for me) about the stress, I must say. I was actually very calm and relaxed the whole time. I didn't yell, or get upset, or even feel particularly anxious. I just ate a LOT of garlic bread.

I gained TEN pounds people. In three weeks. That has to be some kind of record. (Seriously, is there a show that might want to feature me? For rapid weight gain? One of those Discovery channel shows?)

After stepping on the scale and seeing the damage, I decided to try that new over the counter weight loss drug, Alli, for a few days. It is supposed to help you when you are already following a weight loss plan by keeping your body from absorbing a portion of the dietary fat you consume. What I found, basically, is that it gives you explosive diarrhea. The package insert lets you know that you will have “loose or more frequent stools that may be hard to control," "an urgent need to go to the bathroom," and "gas with oily spotting." Yeah. I would agree with that. It has made life very exciting and suspenseful and full of urgency in the last few days, that's for sure.
ANYWAY, I've now entered a sort of serene state where the stress just is not bothering me any longer (also, the business contract we were waiting on for so long finally got signed). I’m ready to get to work on the rest of the weight. I’m not even going to make a target weight. I’ll know it when I get there. I’m not aiming for skinny, I’m not aiming for thin – I’m aiming for healthy and fit. I'd be deliriously happy with chubby but strong. I'm a hot chubby chick.

I’m ready to recommit to a healthy, brownie free, garlic bread free lifestyle. We want to go to Jamaica this winter (if our business is on track and we've taken care of all of our obligations), and it would be nice to feel normal and fit, or even normal and chubby, when (if?) we go.

And I’d prefer to do it without explosive diarrhea, if possible.

Wish me luck!!!

P.S. Please do not leave a comment saying, “You are not fat!” People, I love you, but I KNOW I’m fat. It’s o.k.! I’m also a lot of other awesome things. I'm just also a little bit fat.
P.P.S. However, if you actually CALL me fat, I reserve the right to rip your face off.


  1. Good to know about the Alli. I read that on their website and automatically thought of those O'Lean chips that came out with Olestra or something quite a while back...they had that effect. Creepy.

    Anyways, welcome to blogging and good luck with your weight loss!

  2. As I was reading this guess what I was eating...yep, a brownie! Ha ha!
    Not just a normal brownie but one that my friend made from the Barefoot Contessa cookbook. They are so good but probably have twice as many calories and fat as any other brownie. Not good for the body, but I will not be trying that Alli stuff, especially after reading about your fun experience.:)
    I am with you on just getting to a point where you feel healthy and strong. I need to follow that advice and not worry about what the scale says.
    Good luck!

  3. Welcome to the world of blogging. I certainly will be back.

  4. I just re-read my comment and in my concern about what other people think.:) I hope you knew the "Ha Ha" was because I thought it was funny I happened to be eating a brownie and your post title was "Brownies, etc.". Not a "Ha ha" like, "Na, na I'm eating a brownie." Because I know and many other people know that is the last thing I should be eating if I want to lose any of this babyfat that keeps hanging on. :) I know, I probably didn't need to even write this because you probably read it the way I meant it. But I feel better about explaining myself. :)

  5. Well, fat or not fat, you (and your family) look quite lovely!

  6. holy cow, I am dying! Gas with oily spotting!!?? you're killing me.
    Good luck on the continued weight loss without the poos. (oh, and I DID notice that you & Lee were both losing weight on one of your last visits...I had to get that out)

  7. Thanks everyone! Ha, Jess, I knew exactly what you meant at first, but you are so sweet to explain.

  8. Doesn't it just make you totally sick when you are one of the people that get fatter when there is stress around and yet, ALL around you there are people getting SKINNIER when they are stressed! Yeah, so NOT me! I eat when I'm stressed! That would explain the extra 15 pounds on me since moving out of state for the first time! I can totally relate! But hey, what a better incentive than Jamaica baby!!!!!! Can we go too??

  9. mom2nine7:44 AM

    You could be like me and lose twenty pounds in a year...the same two pounds over and over and over and over....... Last week I walked four miles every day and lost not one pound because I was so proud of my walking that I rewarded myself with an ice cream sandwich after. Hmmm. Maybe I would do better to walk less and forget the ice cream sandwich. All I can say is, lose it while you are young. It only gets harder; at my age your skin gets less resilient so you have to choose between looking like a bag of wrinkles or being plump.

  10. Alli sounds like a nasty trick to pull on people.
    Oh my, I can't imagine few things worse than what you (so very vividly) described. blech.

    Here's one for you: whilst sick at the begging of this year, and lolling about in the hospital being fed what the doc called an emergency high dosage of Prednisone (a--hiss, boo!-- steroid), when I was taken off the drug, I noticed everything I'd worn before wasn't only tight here and there, it was as though I'd grown in width--my bone structure--not to mention suddenly there was a belly that never had been--lots of awfuls--but when I got on the scale at the hospital, I wanted to cry: in 11 days, I'd gained 11 pounds.

    To my doctor who now looked for all the world like the devil incarnate, I said "This weight: it will go away soon now since I'm not on the drug."
    He smiled a small smile and said "Not unless you work it off.

    So I'm working it off, but I think it was a dirty trick.
    And today I think I'll make brownies.

    Anyone want one?

  11. I do! Oh Lee, how awful...

    (And fyi for my family, this commener is NOT my husband Lee, tee hee)